Resolutions

Getting Serious

I loved this article so much. If you have the time, give it a read: How to Feel Better About Not Being as Good as You “Should” Be. It definitely speaks to where I am at currently.

Life is a lot different these days. In some ways it’s the same as it was pre-baby. Work, chores, life, gym, friends and family. It’s similar in routine, we just have a little life with us now. 🙂

But I’m different. My priorities have shifted. My body is different, obviously. And it’s hard to come to terms with that. I was making some progress with weight loss this summer. I lost about 4-ish pounds and was feeling re-energized and motivated.

Then that plateaued. I stalled out. Then I ran into some issues. Sure I could make excuses but the facts are: I was stressed out about Logan starting daycare and did some stress eating. I regained a few of those pounds I’d lost and that was very discouraging. The other fact: I had a major decrease in my milk supply when I tried to reduce my calories.

I wrote a post a few months ago about wanting to get back into fitness and that I wanted to lose some weight but that I obviously Logan was the priority and if I saw a cause and effect in my dieting and milk supply I would back off.

So I did.

I kept working out 4-5 times a week and I was still counting my calories. My priority was feeding Logan. I was disappointed I had to take a break from trying to lose weight but I reminded myself what my priority was at that moment. I came to terms with the fact that my weight loss goals would probably have to wait until I was done breastfeeding.

I started to write this post several months ago. Then we started getting sick. All.The.Time. Seriously–too many colds to count, bronchitis TWICE, sinus infection TWICE, freakin’ pink eye…! It felt like we’d never be well again. Everyone in our house was sick. I’d get back on track with the gym and get in one or two workouts and then I’d get sick AGAIN and take a week off from the gym.

For the last month I’ve been feeling pretty depressed. A big part of that is the constant illnesses. You just don’t feel good about yourself or life when you are sick. And exercise has always been a positive way that I relieve stress and improve my mood. Not being able to do that consistently has effected my moods more than anything, I think.

Waiting to lose weight has been a hard thing to reconcile in my mind, though. Especially since my “identity” has kind of been “the girl who lost 110 pounds” for so long.

Well, recently I’ve come to the realization that I think breastfeeding is coming to an end soon. My supply has dwindled to less than half of what it was. Logan is less interested in breastfeeding and I reached my goal of breastfeeding for 9 months. So starting in January I think I’m going to start slowly weaning and then focusing on my health and losing weight.

I won’t lie — I’m having a hard time with all of this. I’m struggling with the idea of quitting breastfeeding, even if it’s time. I’m feeling very emotional about all of that.

I’m also struggling with going back to being restrictive with my diet in order to lose weight. I thought those days were long over–and that I could easily lose weight doing what I’ve done for 10 years. But the reality is, I’m going to have to buckle down and cut my calories, say no to that second glass of wine, cut out sweets and stop eating old trigger foods (like pizza) in order to lose.

I’ve preached “eating in moderation” and not starving yourself for years and I plan on following my own advice. But I also need to stop making excuses for eating one more cookie or snacking on crap and not logging it. I need to be accountable to myself and honest. 

The day after Christmas, depressed about the photos of myself from the holiday (I mean really, should that have been my focus?? Or should I have been focusing on my baby’s first Christmas?) I stepped on the scale expecting the worst. It wasn’t too bad. I’d gained 3 pounds since the end of October. Basically–all the weight I managed to lose over the summer was back. I still have 20 pounds to lose.

So soon. Soon my body will be mine again and I can get serious about this 20 pounds.

Looking to 2016

SNOWMAGEDDEN!

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Sunday morning we awoke to snow in Portland! And not just a light dusting of white, but actual snow! However, it was not a “blizzard”. The above news article is pretty hilarious because people tend to freak out when it snows here. Which doesn’t happen a lot. But it was kind a nice start to 2016!

We had plans to take maternity photos Sunday morning and what’s funny is that our friend, Christi, who did our engagement pictures, originally wanted to go up to Mount Hood to take the baby bump pictures in the snow. Instead I found a nearby park that had covered areas because we were all sure it would be raining when we planned on doing the photos…So it’s pretty funny that she got her wish in Portland–snow. We were going to cancel the photos and reschedule but…it seemed a shame not to take advantage of snowy Portland for our photos. So we did it. 🙂 I’m happy we were able to do them (and get snow photos!) and I can’t wait to see them.

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Since the new year is off to a pretty good start, I’d like to make some goals for 2016 even if I’m a little wary of doing so. I mean, I have no idea what it’s going to be like suddenly being a family of three. I don’t want to set myself up with unrealistic expectations, or feel like I’ve somehow been lax in my goals. Really, my big goal for 2016 is to give birth to a healthy baby, recover and learn how to be a mom.

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But in the spirit of goal making, feeling nostalgic for past New Year’s Eves and wanting to have something on my radar for 2016 I will make a small list.

Run a 5k.

5k’s are a good distance for me. My body doesn’t seem to rebel against it and I can train for a 5k without injuring myself. In 2015 I ran two 5k races (both while pregnant!) and would LOVE to run another one this year. Obviously that will depend on how my body heals and how the training goes but it’s my goal. I like doing the Portland Parks and Rec 5k series so I will probably pick one of those and I’ll do one at the end of summer or early Fall. That seems to give me an adequate amount of time to train. Wish me luck!

Lose the baby weight.

I’ve talked about this a lot throughout my pregnancy–I dislike the pressure that is put on women to lose the baby weight IMMEDIATELY (and to also not gain very much weight while pregnant). I hate it. I hate the pressure, the expectation; I hate the judgment, the side-eye you often get from other people. I do NOT expect the baby weight to melt off the second I give birth.

During my pregnancy I still counted my calories. I was definitely eating more calories but I did my best to be reasonable about it. I was NOT “eating for two”. I was eating for ME and for the baby, who only needed like 300 extra calories a day. I followed my doctor’s instructions and counted my calories (without beating myself up if I did go over once in awhile) and I tried to make good choices about the food I was eating. Which was a lot easier once I got out of the first trimester. I still worked out (even during the worst of the morning sickness). I listened to my body and did what I could. Sure I modified a lot of things and wasn’t going at the same intensity but I was still very active. Overall I am happy with how I’ve maintained my health while cooking this little bug.

Now that I’m in the last few months, I’m trying to enjoy my changing body. I’m looking forward to the “after” too, because honestly, the biggest adjustment being pregnant for me was my body was no longer my own. I’m looking forward to getting that back–in whatever shape it ends up being in.

All that being said, I do want to lose weight because I am healthier and happier at a lower weight. I lost 110 pounds, kept it off for 7 years and would like to get back somewhat close to what I was at before getting pregnant. I’m not going to be crazy or restrictive about it. I’m simply going to go back to doing what I did before: continue exercising and reduce my calories in a reasonable way.

I know it will take time. I’m willing to do the work. The hardest part will be the mental aspect of it. My body shape being different. The weight coming off slowly. Clothes not fitting quite right. I hope I can adjust ok.

This goal won’t start for awhile. I’ll be following my doctor’s advice, listening to my body and not rushing back into anything until the time is right. My goal is to breastfeed and I know that trying to lose weight while that is happening is not wise, so this goal might be for later in the year. I know *I* won’t be the focus for a long time–but at the same time, I think it’s important for mom and dad to be healthy and take care of themselves, too. So I won’t just be letting things go–taking care of myself is important just like taking care of the baby. I will try and find balance.

Don’t forget about my fur-babies when the real baby gets here!

I really really want to give them all attention and love. I know it may not be the same or the same amount of attention but I’m going to try my best. Bella, Fat Kitty and Maya are family and they will still be family.

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I’m really looking forward to getting back into hiking. Bella loves it. I want our baby to be exposed to nature and grow up loving tromping through the woods. I am inspired by the blogger at Trail Snail, who hiked throughout her pregnancy and has THE most adorable little girl who has been going into the woods with them since birth! Love it! I think getting back to hiking will be a good goal for us as a family and a good way to give Bella attention.

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Focus on Slowing Down.

I saw this article:  Healthy Habit Forming Gifts to Give Yourself that suggested practicing things like awareness, forgiveness, focus, patience (I need this one!) and community. Those are good categories to build resolutions around as well!

One thing I want to focus more on in the new year is making time for myself and SLOWING DOWN. I tend to overbook my life, over-schedule activities and then when I do get downtime I am burned out and just want to sit in front of the TV and watch Netflix for hours, totally checked out. It’s not a good cycle. But I find that I struggle with just sitting and doing nothing, so I tend to fill my time. ALL my time. I can’t remember the last time Michael and I decided to forgo a scheduled activity and do something on the spur of the moment. It’s time to learn how to stop and smell the roses.

Learn my new camera.

I love the new features of my camera! Michael got me the Canon 760D camera for Christmas and I’ve been slowly experimenting with the new features. I love the photos I’m getting but I need a lot of practice. I have two months to figure out my camera before baby gets here and I’ll take a zillion pictures. 😉

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Read 80 books in 2016.

I’m sure all the parents out there reading my goal are laughing at me…but…I have to have a goal, right? I may not get there with a new baby but we’ll see. It feels odd to have such a low goal set for myself after last year’s monster goal! 2015 I read 150 out of 140 books. 2014 I read 139 out of 125. Each year I’ve read roughly 10-20 books more than whatever goal I set for myself. Last year was the biggest goal I had and I met it. Friend me on Goodreads! And send me your favorite book recommendations. 🙂

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What about you? Any goals for the new year?