I’ve been through injury before. I had ankle surgery 8 years ago<\/strong> to repair a torn ligament. I had bursitis in my ankle<\/strong> once (thankfully it only lasted about a week). I had an issue with my sacrum<\/strong> and worked to strengthen the area and improve my running form to fix it. I had achilles tendinitis<\/strong>\u00a0from running on the beach (that lasted about 2 weeks and I was in a boot for 10 days).<\/p>\n The most “severe” injury was an overuse of IT Band injury<\/strong> a few years ago and my doctor told me NO running for 6 weeks. I thought it was the end of the world and I cried, I yelled, I wallowed–for about a week. And then I pulled myself together and figured out what I COULD do. This injury is when I learned about weight lifting.<\/p>\n Previously I’d tried incorporating\u00a0strength\u00a0training into my gym routine but I half-assed it at best, doing a few favorite machines once or twice a week for maybe 10 minutes tops and then wondering why I never saw results. I never saw results because\u00a0weight training was a stupid waste of time!<\/em> Or so I thought. The reality was that I was a cardio junkie and I didn’t do any DISCIPLINED strength training. I didn’t care. I didn’t like it. I didn’t spend time on it. I didn’t work towards building the results I wanted to see. I wanted instant results. That’s not the way it works.<\/p>\n Not being able to run (which I LOVED) for 2 months meant I needed to find other things to do. I started seriously lifting weights and after a few weeks, I actually liked it. It wasn’t the waste of time I thought it was and I saw results right away. I lost 5 pounds immediately–which was shocking because I had been struggling with those “last 10 pounds” for a good year. I saw some definition in my arms, I didn’t feel as flabby…I liked it! And I kept doing it, even after I was able to run again.<\/p>\n So as you can see, I’ve been down this road before. This current injury is by far the most lingering I’ve experienced. I don’t know why it is. I don’t know if I had taken an entire month off in October when this first happened if I wouldn’t be having this issue today. I followed what my doctors and physical therapists instructed. I thought I was doing everything right.<\/p>\n Since getting the MRI and seeing the specialist, I’ve been going through the stages of grief. I think the last few months have been the “denial” stage. I was making progress! I was doing better! Two steps forward, one step backward. A constant back and forth since October. I get better, then it gets worse. So frustrating.<\/p>\n I’ve felt despair. That’s the most intense emotion I’ve experienced beside anger. I’m furious. I’m angry. I’m angry at my body. I’m angry at all the “other people” who can do “ALL OF THE THINGS” I cannot do and not be injured. I’ve been in this place before. With the IT Band injury I deleted 95% of the running blogs I read and loved because they made me want to cry and scream with every race recap and running post they wrote. I just couldn’t deal with it, so I avoided it.<\/p>\n I definitely went through a “bargaining” phase. I’d say that was every encounter I had with every doctor (the sports medicine doctor, the physical therapist and finally the knee specialist) — “Please, doc, tell me what I CAN do. Give me SOMETHING.” Then of course there are the “what ifs” that plagued me this winter. What if I quit everything? Then I’ll gain back the weight. What if I quit biking and running all together? Then I have swimming–which I love, but is kind of boring because it’s too easy for me. What if I hadn’t gone for that run in October? Then I’d never be injured…<\/p>\n The last two stages of grief are depression and finally acceptance. I don’t think grief of any kind (illness, death, loss, etc) is linear. I think you can experience all of the stages and many more stages out of order, all at once and you can probably skip some, too. I’ve felt ALL of the stages so far, in a jumbled, tangled mess in my brain. The defining emotion? Depression. That’s been hanging over me for months. When you have a physical ailment it’s hard not to have all of your energy and attention focused on that. Especially when it’s something with your knees. I am super aware of my knees at all times because, obviously, I need them to get around in my day to day life.<\/p>\n Obviously things have changed a bit. Luckily I was already way into strength training and I was working on the 6 week program I bought from Suzanne. That definitely made the transition easier. I didn’t think “Oh my god I can’t do ANYTHING.” I knew I could.<\/p>\n Yoga has become a once a week thing now. I think it will help (eventually) but right now it’s often a struggle to do some of the poses and I haven’t noticed any increased flexibility yet. I’ve been thinking of doing an experiment and doing ONLY yoga for one week to see if there’s any positive change in my flexibility. I’ll let you know if that happens.<\/p>\n![\"684737-a-runner-is-beaten-and-lays-on-the-track-tired-and-sad-with-defeat\"](\"http:\/\/www.110pounds.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/684737-a-runner-is-beaten-and-lays-on-the-track-tired-and-sad-with-defeat-300x200.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nHistory of Injury<\/span><\/h4>\n
Stages of Grief<\/span><\/h4>\n
![\"16699239-the-five-stages-of-grief\"](\"http:\/\/www.110pounds.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/16699239-the-five-stages-of-grief-300x199.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nWhat Does My Fitness Look Like Now?<\/span><\/h4>\n
![\"yoga1\"](\"http:\/\/www.110pounds.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/yoga1-278x300.jpg\")
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