Aug 152016
 

It’s funny, my blog is about weight loss and weight maintenance and the posts that I write now about weight loss get less comments than the ones I post about books or my baby! But maybe it’s not me; I see a lot of blogs these days are getting fewer and fewer comments. I know that there are a handful of blogs that I read and still comment on but that’s gone way down, too. Maybe it’s just the nature of things.

Anyways, I lost another pound this week! I was pretty excited to see the number on the scale – 170. ALMOST to the 160 Land!

Weigh-In 

When I stepped on the scale I was expecting the worst. I’d had a rough week last week. Some stress and major anxiety about something had me all out of sorts. I definitely turned to food for comfort, kind of like I used to in the “old days.” Stress eating sucks but I was so upset about something (and seriously, I was having panic attacks and breaking out in hives for four days) that I said “fuck it” and ate some junk food to make myself feel better.

So when I decided to weigh myself I was expecting to see a gain, or at least, no change. I was quite surprised to see that I was down another pound. It kinda made me feel a little bit better about life stuff that has me down (a little bit, not much though).

 

Eating

Despite the little stress eating here and there in the last week (and the splurge at Dick’s Burgers), I was actually doing really good with my food.

When I work at home (three days a week), I eat a healthy breakfast — usually eggs and an English muffin — and I do not have any snacks in the morning. The next meal is lunch. This is kind of the opposite of when I work in the office. I usually have a mid-morning snack of fruit or veggies and then an afternoon snack of string cheese or fruit, etc.

Lunches at home are pretty healthy — usually leftovers or salad or a sandwich. Lunches at work right now are a frozen meal. Not the best choice but I have so much CRAP I have to haul to work in order to pump that I just can’t pack much by way of food and it’s easier to do the Lean Cuisine instead. The upside to this is that it’s portion controlled and I know how many calories I’m eating. 

1700 calories a day is still my base.

Like I said in the last post about weight loss, I’m also limiting my liquid calories to only a few times a week. I drink coffee (it’s a must when you’re waking up at 1 am and 4 am to feed a baby!! and then he wakes us up at 6 am like clockwork!!) but it’s one cup. At work I make 1 cup of black coffee and add some creamer to it (so not a high calorie drink like a mocha or something). At home I walk to the nearby coffeeshop to get my iced coffee, so I’m burning some calories in order to get it. Bonus!

Exercise

I’m slowly getting back into running! I am slower than molasses–it really doesn’t even qualify as jogging, it’s more like speed walking for a block, then walk, then speed walk then walk and so on. But it’s something and it gets my heart rate up a little bit higher than just walking. Also, when Logan and I go for walks we do a route that is pretty hilly so I burn a little bit more than usual. There are tons of hills in our neighborhood.

Still doing my gym routine and getting back into weightlifting more (and having to increase the weights because they were getting too easy!).

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The above was a big calorie burn! It was weight lifting, PT exercises for my back, body weight exercises, and the elliptical.

On the running front, I did not make it to the 5k I signed up for. 🙁 I was bummed about that but it was for the best. I had gone back to running too soon postpartum, I think, and my body just hurt so I stopped and I’ve been doing physical therapy for my back to get back into shape for it. Since I didn’t get any training in for it I decided not to try and run.

Michael was signed up for the race, too, and so he ran it and gave my spot to a friend to run with him.

The last race Michael ran was his first one with me, last summer. When I was about 8 weeks pregnant, no one knew I was pregnant yet, I was recovering from hurting my back and I was suffering from horrible morning sickness! But still I was able to run it with him. Oh well. 🙁

Michael’s Run Time 2015: 29:18

Michael’s Run Time this weekend: 23:13

Wow! What a change! I’m so proud of him! I’m sure the 5k was super easy considering he’s now used to running like 7 miles a couple times a week.

I’m really hoping I can participate in the 5k we signed up for next month. Time will tell.

Jul 062016
 

I knew that things would be different after.

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1 Week Postpartum

Having lost 110 pounds — nearly 10 years ago — I had some loose skin on my stomach. It wasn’t too bad. I think a combination of being 25 years old when I started to lose the weight and the fact that it took me a year and a half to lose the weight made the skin “bounce back” a little easier. But I still had a little bit. It was something I was self-conscious about. Even at my skinniest (143 pounds) I never felt truly comfortable about my stomach. I wore a bikini in Hawaii and it was both scary and liberating but I was never 100% confident when I wore it. It was just the way it was.

Something happened when I got pregnant. I was no longer self-conscious about my stomach. As it grew I also grew to love it. It was something special and wonderful. Even during that in-between stage where I just looked kinda chubby and not quite pregnant yet, I still loved it.

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Now that Logan is here, my body is mine again. Sort of! Things sure have changed and in a lot of ways it feels like my body is that of a stranger’s instead. My stomach is kind of oddly deflated right now. It’s not really about loose skin as much as just being “deflated”. It’s a bit weird and it feels like it’s not my body.

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I’m definitely in-between in clothes. Nothing fits quite right. Part of that is the extra pounds and part of that is the deflated stomach issue. So maternity clothes are too big and baggy, my old clothes are too small, the clothes I wore in the early months of my pregnancy sort of fit but don’t look quite right either. Pre-pregnancy I was in a size medium for most shirts, now mediums don’t really fit but sometimes the large sized shirt is too big. I need a half size!

I recently decided to buy some new clothes. I just had to. Breastfeeding = I definitely needed new bras. I bought some new workout clothes that fit a little better. Had to buy a pair of jeans for work (pre-pregnancy I was a size 8, now I’m somewhere in between a 10 and 12 and of course neither size really fits well!). I bought a few pairs of capris, shorts and shirts. Some of them are in a size bigger than what I used to wear, some aren’t. I’m trying not to give the label too much mind, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a bit disappointing.

It’s just weird not feeling quite yourself. 🙁

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15 weeks post partum

Another issue I’ve discovered is that postpartum healing takes time. I knew it would. But to be honest I “bounced back” pretty quickly at first and perhaps went back to some activities to soon? Who knows, hindsight and all that…but I’ve stopped running temporarily. Partially due to the flare-up of my back issues. I am disappointed for sure. I thought I was “Back to Normal” (normal???) and so it is frustrating to see my limitations.

Talking to my doctor about some of the general issues I’ve had she explained that breastfeeding does a number on your body that you just don’t realize. The big one? The ligaments are still loose like when you were pregnant. I did not know this. It’s funny–there are a zillion books, websites, blogs, etc about pregnancy and all the shit your body goes through giving birth but rarely do they ever REALLY discuss the aftermath. I know in our childbirth class she whizzed through the postpartum part in 30 minutes and didn’t cover any of the issues I had after giving birth (perfect example: hot flashes? Who knew that was a thing?!?! Thank goodness for Google.).

My doctor said some of these issues I’ve been having won’t resolve until I stop breastfeeding (come on ligaments! Get back to normal!!). Again, I’m disappointed. I was really looking forward to getting back into running, running outside this summer, and running the two 5k’s I signed up for this fall. It was kind of crushing to realize that that might not happen and I just need to make peace with that and do what my body CAN do. I’m trying not to think about it, or put too much pressure on myself but it’s hard. I was so expecting this all to just happen naturally and I was healing really well and felt okay to get back into fitness.

In addition to my back flare-up I’ve noticed my IT band is inflamed. I haven’t had issues with my IT Band in years (thankfully my runner’s knee hasn’t returned–knock on wood). I am guessing this is related to breastfeeding and ligaments being looser.

So in a lot of ways I am feeling frustrated with my body.

I saw the physical therapist I was seeing last year for my back this week and she said that my back issue is entirely related to being pregnant. My core is gone. The repetitive issue of bending over to pick up the baby, not having core strength due to pregnancy just lead to a back strain. She thinks the IT band flare-up is also related to my core issues (and the breastfeeding thing) so basically it’s all just a “you had no core strength for almost a year injury”. She said that running probably didn’t help–because you DO use your core a lot for running. So I went back to running too soon and should have focused more on core strength in those early days of being back at the gym.

She also suggested I don’t do the ab machines at the gym (she said they are not good for the body), which I stopped doing once my back hurt. She gave me some PT exercises to strengthen my core and I’m hoping that I can try running again soon.

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My new goal is to focus on strengthening my core and doing some low-impact activities. We used to go hiking every 4th of July–we didn’t this year–but I’m hoping we can start that soon. It’s a good, low impact activity we can do together.

I knew things would change, but it’s hard when you feel like you are “normal” and yet…you aren’t back to your normal yet. I keep forgetting that for nearly a year I had limitations! So that’s what’s going on in my life right now…healing, strengthening and waiting!