Food Psych

I recently started listening to a podcast called Food Psych. I heard about it from someone on Twitter and decided to check it out. It’s about intuitive eating, breaking out of diet culture, eating disorder recovery and Healthy at Every Size.

I’ve listened to about 10 episodes so far. They are long, a little over an hour or so. Each episode starts with a Q&A and then the rest of the episode is an interview with someone new each week, depending on the topic.

I am finding it very informative and interesting.

I learned that bulimia isn’t always about throwing up after eating. It can also mean a binge and then a strict restriction period to “make up for” the binge. I did not know that.

I also learned about orthorexia.

It was interesting to hear this term and learn more about it. Reflecting on my time blogging and reading “Healthy Living Blogs” for almost a decade now, I can see clearly that that whole “thing” was probably orthorexia. Focusing on diet culture, weight loss, over-exercising, being rigid about workout schedules and only eating “healthy foods.” There was a blogger that put a carrot in a hot dog bun instead of eating a hot dog, and a bunch of other truly bizarre (and disordered) things.

I was definitely part of this culture. It makes me think long and hard about my own journey. The podcast talks about how 90% of people who lose weight cannot keep it off. I guess I fall into this category? I lost 110 pounds and kept it off for over 10 years. I think that is pretty commendable. But at the same time, I maintained my weight by strict workout schedules and very low calorie intake. I don’t know that I fall into the eating disorder category per se, but definitely the diet culture category.

Something that happened recently: Logan has been telling me repeatedly lately that he’s hungry. This is after a meal, he had plenty of food during the meal. Michael and I have questioned if he was hungry or bored. We offer “you can have applesauce or a banana or some carrots” and of course he says no. He wants the crackers or granola bar.

This has been very triggering to me. First, I remember being a kid and wanting a snack and my mom would offer fruit or vegetables only. I grew up in a very strict food house, in the 90’s when it was the all low-fat/non-fat/no-sugar craze. So we didn’t get “treats” which lead to me bingeing later.

So hearing my son tell me he’s hungry and he wants to have a sweet treat, is triggering. Michael and I have been very conscious about letting him be intuitive, not being strict with food. We don’t want him to grow up with body issues/food issues etc. I especially don’t want that because I know how it feels and what it leads to.

But here I am, Saturday afternoon when Logan has had some crackers and raisins as a snack (with watered down apple juice to drink) and he’s whining that he’s hungry and I feel MY food issues pop up and I am mixed: do I restrict him? Do I give in and potentially create not healthy eating habits?

Boys can have eating disorders, too. It’s not just girls, even if it USUALLY is girls. I don’t want Logan to grow up like I did. I don’t want him to have body shame, or become obese, etc. It’s a hard balance for me, especially since I am still trying to come to terms with my own food issues.

At one of Logan’s recent “well baby” check up appointments with his doctor, whom I REALLY liked, gave me pause. She weighed him and stuff and suggested we “monitor” his weight. I was flabbergasted. Logan has been in the 97% percentile for height his entire life. 95% sure he will be a very tall boy (my brother is 6’6) because there are a lot of tall men in both sides of the family. His weight was around the 50% percentile, as it has been his whole life as well. I didn’t question the doctor, partly because I was so surprised she even mentioned my toddler’s weight. But I left feeling like “WTF”. Logan is tall and skinny as a rail. His clothes in his size are always a little too big.

This was the first experience as a parent of “Body shaming” my kid. It stuck with me for months. And listening to Food Psych Podcast, I am hearing in these interviews of people who had their body and food issues start at a VERY young age. Like ME. I was 9 when I suddenly realized there was something “Wrong” with my body. (I was not fat in anyway, but I THOUGHT I was.)

I’m working through a lot of things right now, thinking about stuff. But I wanted to pass on the info about the podcast because I am really enjoying it and I think a lot of people will too.

Celebrating and Lockdown

Like half of the nation, we did a little celebrating recently. It was a long, tortured week of refreshing social media and news sites and then that Saturday morning while I was working out I read the news.

I absolutely LOVED all the videos of people happy and celebrating. The sense of relief was wonderful. That night we celebrated as a family, including Logan so he learns about civic duty and voting and speaking your mind. After all, he had “voted” with us a month ago! 😉

I got a balloon at the dollar store (mostly for Logan). We opened a bottle of local Oregon bubbly. I got a piece of special cake at the store that we all shared.

Logan got to drink his apple juice from a REAL cup. LOL He loved it. And CHEERS!

We watched the speeches, it was very very emotional.

Then Friday the 13th the governor of Oregon announced we are going into another lockdown. Portland is closed for 4 weeks, the rest of Oregon is 2 weeks, but I imagine it will go on a little bit longer. I got the news a little early and went to the grocery store before the noon press conference. For weeks now I’ve been slowly buying a little bit of extra stuff at the grocery store. Mostly things like lentils, beans, pasta, basically stuff that could live on the shelf for a bit. But this time I bought essentials like veggies, milk, eggs etc.

I’ve basically been in “lockdown” in a way since March. I’ve worked from home this whole time, which I am happy I have a job that I can do that. I know it’s a privilege. I go into the office once a month or so to do some stuff, but basically home this whole time.

So it won’t be a huge adjustment this time. Not like March. Saturday I went swimming, probably for the last time for the next month. Which I am bummed about. I understand and I think the lockdown is VERY necessary. But I just got back to the pool after 7 MONTHS. Oh well.

This lockdown will be a little harder for sure. The weather had turned rainy and gross here so less outdoor time like in March. 🙁

As for the holidays…Thanksgiving is cancelled so we will be doing our own thing at home. Not sure what we will do yet. I am thinking maybe Michael’s mac n’ cheese and a ham or smoked chicken.

Logan is SUPER excited about Christmas. We decided to put up a few decorations early. 🙂

So that’s about it for now. Hope everyone is staying safe! Wear a mask. Stay home. Be safe.