Jun 132016
 

…Back to reality…

Sort of! A new reality. Well, I survived my first week back to work! It was actually pretty good. Like I said before, I’m working from home three days a week and in the office two days a week for the next 90 days.

Working from home is nice. The flexibility and quiet is nice. I get a lot done. On the downside, I tend to work longer hours at home than I do when I’m in the office. But I think that’s the nature of it. Also, in some ways it’s kind of lonely at home. So it’s nice to be in the office chatting with people!

Last Wednesday was super crazy in the office. I was playing catch-up after being gone, going through the work that my temp did for me, trying to familiarize myself with cases…it felt weird to be so out of the loop on my caseload. The next day I was in the office was much better and less crazy-hectic. A few things: pumping at work is still a pain; I need to be better about eating during the day and at normal times; I did not do well with drinking water Friday like I did Wednesday; and I think part of my back issues are lugging around my pump and all the crap I have to take into work (plus picking up Logan). I need to find a better solution.

Solo Mom Life

Good news: last week Logan slept all night almost every night!

Bad news: he’s outgrown his bassinet and it’s time to move him to the pack n’ play. That was going to happen this weekend but Michael had to go up to Seattle for work at the last minute.

{Cue scary music}

I was only slightly nervous about being a solo mom all weekend for the first time. Most of me was confident. I mean, I’ve spent the last 10 weeks taking care of him all day while Michael was at work. Easy-peasy! But then a little part of me got nervous because that meant I was the solo caretaker 24/7. No breaks to go to the gym, take a nap or go grocery shopping. But it was only for a weekend.

So I guess next weekend we will try the transition into the pack n’ play.

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Saturday Logan and I went for a walk (since I couldn’t go to the gym). We did 2.78 miles and I burned 265 calories on our walk.

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Then we went to my cousin Anna’s house for some social time and snacks. She recently moved and I wanted to see her new place and she recently got engaged and I wanted to see the ring!! And have some girl talk.

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She made some delicious snacks with strawberries she picked on Sauvies Island– goat cheese, basil, balsamic reduction and strawberries on toast. It was a really tasty, light summery treat. Then we went for a walk to a nearby park and rose garden.

It was such a pretty park! And a great spot to take photos for their engagement pictures. We went for a nice walk around the park and neighborhood and then Logan and I headed home.

Sunday Logan and I went for another walk. Michael was going to be back later than expected from Seattle and it was so nice out (sunny and a warm 70) and I wanted to get out of the house (and away from social media in light of the tragedy–it was just becoming too much and I needed a break from it). So instead of doing our usual loop, we did a nearby neighborhood of hills.

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It felt good to be outside, moving, and away from the computer for a little bit. I was feeling really sad about the shooting and it breaks my heart that my baby is growing up in a world where this stuff happens. It’s all too much to take.

Anyways, Michael got home and I could have gone swimming but I decided to opt for an epic 2.5 hour nap and then went grocery shopping instead. Exciting life here! Dinner was lazy–potato salad and a rotisserie chicken from the deli.

It was nice to have Michael home again. Especially for mama’s nap time. 🙂 But Logan and I survived our solo weekend and it wasn’t as hard as I was expecting!

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And Michael was clearly missed!

Jun 062016
 

Well, my maternity leave is over.

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Last Friday was my first day back in the office. All week I was dreading it. I was anxious, I was sad, I had nightmares several nights about pumping at work. I bawled my eyes out for a few days leading up to. I snuggled Logan until he was like “mom, give it a rest!” I just couldn’t believe our time was up. 🙁

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Friday came. My alarm on my phone didn’t go off for some reason but thankfully I had a built in alarm clock for 6am — Logan! But it was not a good start to the day. Nothing seemed to be going right but I finally got out of the door and made it to work on time. Carrying a crap ton of stuff.

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A coworker left me a card and a little gift that was really sweet. Everyone was really supportive and understanding. I was able to hold it together (for the most part) and honestly I was so busy it was a good distraction and the only time I started to feel sad was when I was pumping and had quiet time to myself. Michael sent me a photo:

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I thought he looked sad. Then he sent me another photo:

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All better! Back to his sweet self.

So in a lot of ways it was easy to be back in the office. I was busy enough, but not overwhelmed, and could be distracted. It was nice to be working again and using my brain for something other than baby talk and changing diapers 🙂 — as much as I love doing that with Logan. Just knowing myself, I know that being home full time wouldn’t be best for me. As much as I want it to be.

When I first talked to my boss about maternity leave and options she brought up the idea of working from home part time and working in the office part time. She told me a story about someone she worked with years ago at a different office who came back from maternity leave and cried in her office all day for a week and then finally just packed her shit up and left, no notice, just quit. She couldn’t handle it. I remember hearing this story (when I was 8.5 months pregnant) feeling awful for that woman and then thinking that while I’d be sad, I didn’t think that would be me…

Fast forward to last week. Crying for a week! Instead of relishing every single second with Logan during our last week home I kept focusing on the sadness. And I got it. I understood what my boss was telling me.

My boss has been amazing in her support for family bonding, for breastfeeding, everything. These are issues that she feels strongly about and I am so grateful for that.

So the downside to work? Pumping at work kind of sucks. I was in a room that unfortunately didn’t lock and twice people attempted to come in. Then my boss saved the day and told me to use her office when I needed to pump. It really is a stressful, anxiety-inducing thing to be pumping at work (at least for me). I felt really vulnerable and not having a truly private room stressed me out! But, using my boss’s office I was able to pump the rest of the day with no issues.

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I was able to drink a lot of water throughout the day. I pumped three times while at work. I didn’t eat enough and was really hungry but too busy to eat. That’s not good, I need to work on that!

Despite the rocky start to the day, it was actually okay and I did alright. I remember my job!! It was like a muscle memory thing. Once I started doing it again it all came back to me and I was able to do it without thinking about it. So that’s good. I got everything ready for working from home and (crossing my fingers that technology works at home) am ready to get started!

Friday afternoon I got a little surprise delivery:

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Flowers delivered to my office from Michael! It was so incredibly sweet and thoughtful and it really made my day (and made me tear up a little bit at the thoughtfulness). It was so wonderful!

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I was supposed to be off work at 4:30 but stayed late to get my laptop up and running (it took all day unfortunately). I raced home, anxious and excited to see my little guy! And kiss my other guy. 🙂

I asked Logan if he forgot about me and if he missed me and he giggled. We nursed and I smothered him in kisses and then Michael made the evening even better than it already could be and got take out sushi!!

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Love me some spicy tuna! I’ve been craving sushi lately, too. Opened a bottle of wine and I cuddled with my little guy. So all in all, it was a pretty good day, despite the bumps in the road and the heartache of leaving Logan all day for the first time.

I feel prepared to go back to the office. I think it will be okay. I’m almost looking forward to it in a weird way. Having a schedule, structure and routine is basically my entire life. 🙂 So going forward I will be in the office two days a week and home three days a week for the summer. Michael will be working from home those two days, so that’s awesome. I feel so incredibly lucky and fortunate that we have this opportunity for our family!