family

40

In a few days I turn 40 years old. It’s weird because it was an age that I never looked forward to. When I was in my 30’s I felt this weird pressure the closer I got to 40 because I was going to be “too old” to have a baby (and I was considered “advanced maternal age” and “geriatric pregnancy” with Logan…so many eye rolls!) so there was this dread as 40 was approaching.

My friend put it well, she said it was “anticipatory grief” and that’s exactly how I feel. I don’t know why. Because I am definitely glad to be alive. I have my health (for the most part) and I am alive. That’s all good, nothing to sneeze at.

I have a son who is going to be 4 years old this year. I have a lovely husband and wonderful animals (two out of the three furbabies are excellent cuddlers!).

When I think back about my life, I did a lot of stuff! One of my first memories of a big world even was the Berlin Wall coming down. I remember watching it on the news.

I also remember the Challenger Explosion. I was standing at the bus stop for school when someone told us and then we learned about it at school.

My first record was Thriller.

I grew up in Seattle. I did the “Running Start” program at school where I could go to community college and get both high school credits and college credits at the same time. I *almost* graduated high-school with enough credits for my AA degree but needed to take some not so fun classes (math yuck) later to finish.

I had the amazing opportunity to go to London with my cousin, Anna, and when I was 18. It was one of the most amazing trips ever!

Columbine happened a year after I graduated from high-school and I remember watching it on TV as it happened. When I was 19 I moved to Portland with my boyfriend and went to college and worked. When we broke up, I moved home for the summer to regroup. 9/11 happened and again, I watched that unfold on TV, too.

I’ve lived in Portland for 21 years now. (Crazy!) I’ve done so much in my life and traveled a LOT. It’s great! And for my birthday we are going back to Hawaii for a week!

Part of it was so I had something to look forward to instead of dreading my birthday! We rented a house on the Big Island with my parents and my brother and his wife. I am SO excited about it! I’ve been looking forward to it for a YEAR! (Yes we booked it a year ago!) It will be amazing!

It’s a big house with a huge lanai that has ocean views. I cannot wait to relax on the lanai with a beverage and just chill. The house has a firepit, a big yard, hot tub and outdoor shower. It’s a 15 minute drive from our favorite beach on the island. It’s going to be magical!

2020

The start of a new decade. As I look back, I think of all of the stuff I did and all the things I accomplished and think “wow.” It was a lot!

I started this blog. I made a lot of friends online through blogging and Twitter. I am grateful for that. It was nice to have a “community.” I maintained my weight loss of 110 pounds for over 10 years.

I was on the cover of a magazine! And on the local news. My 15 minutes of fame. LOL

Michael and I did a TON of traveling! Something I definitely miss. Having kids means that changes, for sure. We still travel but it looks differently. But pre-Logan, we went to Texas a few times (Austin was great!), Vegas a few times, Tucson twice, California, Hawaii twice…so many fun trips.

We did a lot of activities together, too. I ran a bunch of races–half a dozen 5ks, a 10k, Hood To Coast. We biked a lot of events together (Reach the Beach and the Portland Century). You can read about the different events here.

We got a dog! Welcome to the family, Bella! Bella has been a gift to our family. I can’t imagine our life without her. She’s the best dog ever. She’s the best cuddler. 😀 She’s just so happy and sweet.

We got engaged and married. And went to Maui for our honeymoon. That was such a magical time!

I got pregnant and we had Logan:

It’s crazy how different our life is after having a baby. It really does change everything. But like with Bella, I can’t imagine NOT having Logan in our life. Both are a blessing.

Logan was a fairly easy baby with a sweet disposition and a goofy laugh. He loved everything and everyone and was curious and energetic. He grew into a curious and energetic toddler. And now, in 2020 he’s going to turn 4 years old (crazy!) and he’s smart and stubborn and inquisitive and opinionated.

In sad news, I said goodbye to my beloved kitty of 15 years. It was one of the hardest, saddest things I’ve ever done and the grief was real. I cried for months. It took almost a year and a half before I was able to even think about another cat.

In 2018 we welcomed Stevie to our family:

Stevie fit right into our family immediately like he always belonged there. He loves everyone and particularly loves cuddling with Bella! It’s so cute. 🙂

In 2019, Logan and I both had surgery. I had sinus surgery (which has helped me a lot!) and Logan got tubes put in his ears. While both were good things, it added to the stress of 2019 in particular. Healing in general is difficult.

We bought a new house in 2019. Packed up our old house, finished the remodeling projects, moved into our new house, put our house on the market….

And after a VERY stressful summer, our old house SOLD! What a relief! A huge weight off our shoulders. We could finally relax and enjoy our new house and get settled without worrying about the old house selling.

As I sit down and think about the last decade of my life I think “pheww! that was a lot of stuff!” And it was, a lot of big life stuff. Big “adult” stuff. To say that it’s been a lot would be an understatement.

When I think about the new year and what I want to accomplish, my goals are simple. Yes, I am still trying to lose weight. I still have 20 or so pounds to lose. I’ve struggled with my depression and anxiety and medication management. I have been gaining and losing the same 10 pounds since I had Logan. It’s frustrating. So I am hoping that 2020 is the year I end that cycle.

I’d also like to work on being more kind to myself. I often feel like a failure when I don’t reach my goals in a specific time frame, even if they aren’t realistic. Patience is not my forte.

I’d also like to build more me time and more family time/downtime into our schedule. We tend to be very booked and it can get stressful and overwhelming. I miss doing fun stuff on the weekends and going out of town for little getaways. I’d like to do that more.

QUESTION: What were the big highlights of your decade? Any New Year’s Resolutions?