40

In a few days I turn 40 years old. It’s weird because it was an age that I never looked forward to. When I was in my 30’s I felt this weird pressure the closer I got to 40 because I was going to be “too old” to have a baby (and I was considered “advanced maternal age” and “geriatric pregnancy” with Logan…so many eye rolls!) so there was this dread as 40 was approaching.

My friend put it well, she said it was “anticipatory grief” and that’s exactly how I feel. I don’t know why. Because I am definitely glad to be alive. I have my health (for the most part) and I am alive. That’s all good, nothing to sneeze at.

I have a son who is going to be 4 years old this year. I have a lovely husband and wonderful animals (two out of the three furbabies are excellent cuddlers!).

When I think back about my life, I did a lot of stuff! One of my first memories of a big world even was the Berlin Wall coming down. I remember watching it on the news.

I also remember the Challenger Explosion. I was standing at the bus stop for school when someone told us and then we learned about it at school.

My first record was Thriller.

I grew up in Seattle. I did the “Running Start” program at school where I could go to community college and get both high school credits and college credits at the same time. I *almost* graduated high-school with enough credits for my AA degree but needed to take some not so fun classes (math yuck) later to finish.

I had the amazing opportunity to go to London with my cousin, Anna, and when I was 18. It was one of the most amazing trips ever!

Columbine happened a year after I graduated from high-school and I remember watching it on TV as it happened. When I was 19 I moved to Portland with my boyfriend and went to college and worked. When we broke up, I moved home for the summer to regroup. 9/11 happened and again, I watched that unfold on TV, too.

I’ve lived in Portland for 21 years now. (Crazy!) I’ve done so much in my life and traveled a LOT. It’s great! And for my birthday we are going back to Hawaii for a week!

Part of it was so I had something to look forward to instead of dreading my birthday! We rented a house on the Big Island with my parents and my brother and his wife. I am SO excited about it! I’ve been looking forward to it for a YEAR! (Yes we booked it a year ago!) It will be amazing!

It’s a big house with a huge lanai that has ocean views. I cannot wait to relax on the lanai with a beverage and just chill. The house has a firepit, a big yard, hot tub and outdoor shower. It’s a 15 minute drive from our favorite beach on the island. It’s going to be magical!

Home

As we get ready to sell our house, and I look around at the newly painted empty walls and every nook and cranny piled with boxes of our belongings, it’s hard not to feel a little bit sad. This house has been our home for over a decade.

I know it is bittersweet for Michael, too, because it was the first house he bought. It was the first house I lived in (after apartment life). Since we first started dating, we’ve been working on this house together.



We made mistakes along the way (a lot of mistakes) that cost us a lot of time and money to fix but we learned a lot and it’s cool that we now know how to do a lot of things ourselves. There are definitely projects we also know we wouldn’t take on ourselves again in the future. Michael is totally up for redoing a kitchen again. Me? Not so much. It was too big of a project in my opinion and took way too long.

When Michael moved it, he put a lot of work in on the house (ripping up carpet and installing hardwood floors–our floors are what we get the most compliments on in our house) and then I helped him demolish the kitchen and redo the entire thing. It was hard work!

You can see some old posts with pictures here:

Kitchen floor remodel

Kitchen Remodel

Kitchen counter tops!

New Deck

Bathroom Remodel Part 1

Bathroom Remodel Part 2

Painting

We got engaged in this house. It’s hard to think that we are leaving the spot where that happened! And we brought Bella home.

We got married and pregnant and brought Logan home to this house. It’s hard to believe that Logan won’t remember this house at all. It has a great big yard and it’s on a great street (perfect for bike riding, which Logan loves to do), with great neighbors…but Logan is too young and won’t remember any of it. That’s weird to me!

On a sadder note, I said goodbye to Yggdrasil in this house. That makes me really sad. Yggdrasil LOVED this house. He loved sitting in the office window and watching the birds, or sitting at the back slider door and watching the squirrels in the yard. And every day he was sitting in the front window waiting for me to get home from work. <3

We’ve grown vegetables in our garden. We planted a tiny cherry blossom tree that is now a humongous tree!

We’ve outgrown our house. It is time to move on to bigger things (literally). We are all really excited for the new house. A new style, a new home, a new place to put our personal stamp on it. Our new place is a block from the library. I’m really excited to walk there with Logan this summer (he’ll get his first library card!) and we are close to some parks. I also think we are walking distance to the elementary school he’ll eventually go to. So it is all good, exciting things. But also bittersweet.