Does It Feel Different?

Before we got married I had a lot of friends tell me their experiences of the whole wedding thing (because the wedding is very different than theΒ marriage and I feel like in this day and age with the wedding business and pinterest we sometimes forget that). I would say that it was about 60-40 on people who told me that they felt different after tying the knot. I was surprised by the friends who said it didn’t feel any different, but yet at the same time I wondered if I would fall into that category. I mean, let’s be real — Michael and I have been together for 6.5 years, we’ve lived together for over 5 of those years. We had a honeymoon phase, we had a rocky phase, we had the “we’ve been together for a long time now” phase. Then it was the wedding phase.

The wedding phase was the planning part (which was 14 months after we got engaged) and the wedding instead. I would have liked a shorter engagement butΒ C’est la Vie….This was a strange time because it was all very new, it was VERY stressful, there was a lot of anticipation and just a lot of unknowns.

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The wedding day itself was very surreal and mostly a blur of chaos and a roller coaster of emotions (which also surprised me – again, we’ve been together for so long already!). Did I feel any different after we said “I Do”? Nope, not really. I guess I felt calmer and more relaxed. I could stop PLANNING everything. That was a huge relief.

Then we went on our honeymoon. It still didn’t really feel “real.” Basically it was like we were on a really nice, long vacation. A dream vacation, really. But we were so busy splashing in the ocean, laying on the beach, and exploring Maui (and eating A LOT) that I don’t think either of us really put much thought into the fact that we were now married or that anything should feel any differently.

Robyn's Birthday
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(He slept on the beach a lot. I read and swam.:) )

Maui was great, don’t get me wrong. But I started to get a little homesick for my fur-babies. We both missed Bella terribly! She was staying with her foster mom and having a great time, especially with her dog Kona, Bella’s BFF. Bella was on a puppy vacation!

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Now that we are home I’ve been kind of taking it easy and trying not to plan or do too much (trying to hold onto that Maui bliss as long as possible). I am starting to ruminate on what I want to do, though. Now that I don’t have to do ANY wedding planning anymore (YAY) I can get a hobby! It was astounding just how much time the wedding planning took. Between meeting vendors and just all the details, any free evening or weekend was booked with that stuff. It really does take over your whole life, even if you try to avoid it.

I’d like to get back to Bella’s training. Sadly we didn’t have tons of extra time to work on tricks and training for her. Now that we have more time I want to get back at that. I especially want to get her to the dog park at least once a week to get more socialized. She’s doing so much better than when we first got her but she still gets skittish and nervous with a lot of other dogs.

I’d like to get into gardening. Specifically I think I want to try growing succulents. I saw so many amazing succulents in Hawaii and that’s something that we CAN actually grow here in Oregon (wish I could grow some plumeria and palm trees but I guess I’ll settle for this…).

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A friend has actually started growing succulents and offered to give me some of her cuttings and I really want to try it. I hope I can make it work. I’m okay with growing vegetables but not really flowers…time will tell!

Another goal for this winter: Michael has agreed to take a dance class! I am super excited about it and will be looking for classes soon. I took a ballroom dancing class ages ago and learned all the basics! I definitely need to re-learn it. I’m more interested in learning maybe salsa dancing or something along those lines.

Yoga. I need to get back into the groove of that and I’d like check out some local studios. I take yoga at my gym and it’s not quite the same experience as doing it at a yoga studio where that’s the only thing they do. I never really get that blissful, enlightened feeling while people are dropping weights and grunting and talking loudly right outside the yoga room at the gym…

Volunteering. I miss it! I used to do it a lot. Before I met Michael, in fact, I volunteered at a cat shelter every weekend. Michael and I volunteered together at The Pixie Project and it was a lot of fun. Now that I have some free time I’m going to start up again.

After being back for a bit I went out with my cousin Anna for a beer. We saw a band at an Irish pub here in Portland and then met up with some of her friends. This was the first time it kind of felt DIFFERENT. I was talking to someone that didn’t know me or Michael and I had a moment of pause when I almost said “my boyfriend Michael” then corrected myself and said “my husband”. And it felt WEIRD. Very weird. I am not used to it yet. πŸ™‚

Okay married folks, did you feel any different?

28 Responses

      1. Most of them are doing well. We are out of the normal growing season, so it has been rather slow. I will text you pictures soon. Most of them are no bigger than the tip of a pencil right now.

  1. I’m not married, but I had friends who were together for AGES (like a decade-plus) before they got married, and the husband phrased the difference in a very nice way. He said that before they got married, he knew he was going to spend his life with her, but now he IS spending his life with her. It’s a tiny little difference but it was very sweet.
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    1. Awww that is very sweet!
      I definitely have moments of extreme happiness and a feeling of security and closeness. It feels more like we are partners than before we got married. But overall it doesn’t feel super different…

  2. No, never different really. Even 18 years later. John and I lived together for a few years before we got married. Our wedding planning didn’t really take much time, honestly. The worst part was doing favors the day before the wedding LOL!

    I kept my last name when we got married, so absolutely nothing changed as far as our entities went. It just was kind of fun to refer to each other as husband and wife. That was the only difference.

    Okay, there was one thing different. People started asking us when we were going to have kids, which they didn’t before we were married…

  3. I’ve been thinking about being married a lot lately. My 9 year wedding anniversary is in two weeks. I don’t think I felt different “being married” in the weeks and months after my wedding but when I look back on that time, boy do I feel different now. Before I met my husband, and as of when we got married, I was never one for pet names. I had never called a significant other anything but their name. But some point in the last 9 nines I started calling my husband “honey” casually and all the time. When did that happen? In the first years of our marriage, I saw it as something perhaps temporary and fragile. I wondered if we had been wrong about each other and if our marriage would last. I know there are no guarantees in life, but at this point I don’t feel that way at all. I feel like we are an immutable fact of life, like breathing or gravity. I love him and appreciate him more every year. We had been together for 3 years when we got married. Maybe we should have waited longer. If we had, maybe I wouldn’t feel so different now. Maybe I would have worked out all my issues first. I don’t know if getting married helped me work them out or I would have come to this place without getting hitched.
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    1. I think that’s a normal adjustment even if you’ve been together awhile. There were moments of panic where I thought “oh yeah, this is forever.” And suddenly forever seemed like a long time! It was scary, for sure, despite being together for 6 years. It became “real” if that makes sense. I don’t have any regrets, but I do have my own issues. Maybe you can relate. For me it’s more of feeling “partnered” and not 100% my own person anymore? Like I have to stop myself sometimes and remind myself that I should ask Michael’s opinion about stuff instead of just DOING something. Out of respect for our marriage and treating him as a partner. For example, talking about vacations with friends. We ask each other instead of telling each other…

        1. Before I moved in with Michael I had lived on my own for nearly 10 years (no roommates either). So it was a huge adjustment. I think I got that scary feeling out of my system back then. I can’t imagine how I’d feel had we NOT lived together before getting married! Talk about stressful adjustments!

  4. We had a whirlwind romance. 5 months before we moved in, 3 weeks after that we were engaged, 10 months after that we were married, and sometimes I can’t believe we are together, let alone married! Things have changed while staying the same. I realise that doesn’t make any sense!

  5. Congrats! Prior to dating the Rman, I was married at 28 to my ex-husband for 4 years and together with him for 6. The things I noticed when I got married was a feeling of loss when I wrote my new last name (i took his name), people asking us about when we were going to have kids, trying to get used to the words wife and husband, and having to seek his approval or buy in on purchases for the house. For example when we were checking out silverware and furniture I had to make sure it fit him too. He was 6’2″ and I’m a foot shorter. I know it sounds silly but it would get on my nerves when i had decided on liking this furniture or flatware and I couldn’t outright buy it because I had to think about another person. (We had lived together for 1 year but stuff didn’t come up because we knew the stuff was our own stuff. Once we had to consolidate and starting purchasing stuff together as husband and wife was when things got a little complicated. I wish you and Michael the best. πŸ™‚

    1. Thanks Jess! Yes, it is super weird still getting used to my new name. I screw it up all the time and often have to scribble it out and do it over. LOL
      I totally get what you mean about asking the other person to weigh in on household purchases. It’s weird.

  6. I think the legal aspect of it makes it different – now you are family. And his family is your family. While you may have felt that way before now it is legal. So if he has nieces and nephews you are now Aunt Lisa. I think it’s that stuff that is the hardest to get used to.

  7. It did feel different after getting married, although I had been married before. We also lived together, and we were in a committed relationship, but I think taking that last step shows the rest of the world how serious your commitment is. And it’s not that we needed their approval, it was more like putting that final piece in the jigsaw puzzle of our life together, you know? And it was funny, I was out of town for work for the week before our wedding, got back into town in time for the rehearsal dinner, so we hadn’t been alone together for almost 10 days. By the time we hit the hotel after the reception, I actually got an attack of shyness, like “who IS this guy?” Too funny. But it all worked out, we’re at 23 years and going strong!

    1. Congrats on 23 years!!
      Awww, that was so sweet you hadn’t seen each other in 10 days. I kind of wish we could have had more than one night apart to make it more…dramatic I guess? But to be honest, being apart for one night kind of sucked!

  8. My husband and I were just talking about dance lessons recently as well! The husband agreed to it, so I was pretty excited. You will have to tell me how yours go.

    I don’t think I felt much different. It was hard to use the word husband instead of boyfriend, partner or fiance. But I got used to it pretty fast. I think the hardest thing was signing my new name. I would accidentally sign my maiden name over and over again then have to scratch it out or get a new form so I could sign my married name. That one took a bit of adjusting but as for being a wife, I lived with my husband for two years beforehand so not much changed πŸ™‚
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    1. Yep, signing the new name is hard. And a few times at work I had to introduce myself and I stammered because I was like, should I use my old name because that’s how I’m known at work or use my new name…?!?!

  9. Well you know I met and married my husband within six months of meeting, and this December we will have been married 14 years!

    I never felt any different – in fact, on the night I met him, I already knew we would get married – kind of weird, but hey, it worked!
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    1. Honestly, I had a random thought like that when I first met Michael–that we’d get married some day. It was weird because we weren’t even dating yet when that thought came to me!

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