Apr 152014
 

Funny story…

Our dog will roll around in the grass, splash in puddles and (gross–trying to keep her from doing this) eat cat poo but will NOT go potty when it’s rainy. She puts on her pitiful puppy dog face and sad eyes and sits on the back deck refusing to go out into the rain. We’ve even gone out there, in the rain with her and she still won’t. The last time I tried it with an umbrella she immediately ran underneath a bush and cowered.

BELLA

I eventually gave up and went inside and just let her stay out there until she finally went (the stubborn thing took like 30 minutes!). Sorry pup, we live in Oregon. Get used to the rain. IT NEVER STOPS. Speaking of Bella…

Funny story…

I was grocery shopping recently and was in the baby food isle picking up some sweet potato and the chicken puree. A little old lady in the isle asked me how old babies are when they start eating the jar food. I replied, “I wouldn’t know. I don’t have a baby, I have a dog.” She laughed SO hard. She asked me why I buy baby food for my dog. I explained that I buy the sweet potato or the chicken baby food and put it in Bella’s Kong toy. Then I freeze it and she gets it when she’s in the crate while we are at work. She thought that was ingenious.

bellasun

She went on to tell me about how she had a scotty dog that passed away a few years ago and she sometimes wished she had another dog. We chatted for a few minutes and I shared some of the experiences I had volunteering at animal shelters. I suggested that she consider adopting a senior dog. The benefits are so great! It’s older, more relaxed (no crazy puppy energy), already trained and it’s also saving a life. The older dogs are often the ones that euthanized because people don’t adopt them. She seemed genuinely interested and I hope she does adopt a senior dog!

Funny story…

4 years ago I started this blog on a whim because the blogger Monica from Run, Eat Repeat asked me to write a guest post about my weight loss. I thought, well dang….maybe *I* can have a blog too! I sort of half-assed it and didn’t really know what I was doing and didn’t really know HOW to write a blog. My blog posts were very, very short, not really focused and I slowly shared my weight loss story as thought came to me. Then somehow I got readers. I was shocked! The more readers I got, the more comments I got, the more I paid attention to my writing.

It had been a long time since I’d written anything. After writing a few novels and failing to get them published, I felt discouraged and gave up. The blog was an outlet for me to dust off the ol’ writing skills and polish them up a bit.

Then I started getting more attention. My little blog that was kind of clunky and terribly formatted in Blogger, was getting so much attention that I was asked to do interviews. (You can check out some of those here.) I moved the blog over to WordPress, made it look a little bit nicer (with Michael’s help), took some photography classes, Michael built me a lightbox…then ta-da! I was on the cover of a magazine! WOW.

Well funny story, this little blog that was started on a whim to share a story I didn’t think anyone was interested in reading has recently surpassed the million page view mark! Perhaps it’s not as crazy a number as many popular blogs and I sure don’t make money off my blog like full-time bloggers, but dang! I’m pretty happy with that 1 million readers!

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So many, many thanks to all my readers–new readers, old readers who have been reading since the beginning. Thank you! It makes me so happy that I’ve inspired people to get fit and healthy! I’ve also made some real life friends that I met through blogging and that’s even better. :)

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Feb 192014
 

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Aint’t that the truth?

How many of us have binged on our favorite food and immediately after thought, Next time I’ll do better. Or, Why did I eat that? Or, That’s it, I’m DONE eating badly! The diet starts NOW! And then it never really starts, right?

What TRUTH are you avoiding? And how is it sabotaging your weight loss efforts?

I have a new therapist. I’ve written about depression and anxiety many times before. I had a therapist that I loved. She was awesome. She went out on maternity leave in August and I saw another therapist who specializes in anxiety a few times and while she gave me some things to work on that sort of helped, I didn’t feel like I clicked with her. Back in December when things were really overwhelming and the shit was hitting the fan in all aspects of my life (i.e. feeling like everything was going wrong) I decided that I’d see another therapist. I went in very apathetic after not really clicking with a few of the ones available to me over the years, and feeling rather grumpy about the one I loved quitting. But I think I hit the jackpot with my new counselor.

First off, she’s awesome and I really feel like I can talk to her. She’s also that perfect blend of the type of therapist that listens to me vent, but pushes me to psychoanalyze the why and how to change. Second–and the best part–is that she also lost over 100 pounds and has kept it off. I don’t know details other than that but having a counselor that knows exactly what it feels like to lose a ton of weight was like angels singing “allelujah” with a choir. It may seem odd, but I’ve never really been able to find someone to talk to who KNOWS. There aren’t any books out there on what the psychological changes will be when you lose a lot of weight. Biggest Loser, etc, type shows and weight loss memoirs don’t cover HOW YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FEEL after losing half of yourself. Not only that, there aren’t a lot of maintenance blogs out there. I can name a handful that I read religiously and thankfully they talk about the good and the bad of maintaining weight loss but that’s about it.

I’ve been in maintenance mode for almost 6 years now. In fact, 1 month before my wedding this year will be my 6  year anniversary of reaching goal weight. While I am happy that I’m still UNDER my goal weight (150), I am definitely higher than I want to be. I’ve gained a few pounds. I can blame winter, the holidays, stress, but really the reason for the weight gain has been LIES.

I’ve lied to myself about what I am eating and why. I’ve snuck food in the last few months. Like stuffing things in my mouth, barely tasting them, and then not recording them in my calorie log for the day. As if those calories didn’t count. They certainly counted and the stomach roll I’m now unhappily sporting is showing the truth. So is the scale.

I told my new therapist that I feel like I’m barely holding on lately. I’m sabotaging myself and I don’t know why.

When I first decided to lose weight, there were a lot of factors that finally convinced me. What really helped was having a deadline. I had 10 months to lose weight before I was going to be in my brother’s wedding and I wanted to walk down that aisle 50 pounds less. And I succeeded. Reaching that goal was far more important to me than bingeing on ice cream was.

So why am I struggling SO MUCH now that it’s my turn?

WED1

I have roughly 6 1/2 months before my wedding. If I wanted to be exact, it’s 30 weeks, 3 days and 22 hours (I only know that because of the countdown plugin on our wedding website LOL). I have 6 months to lose the 7 pounds I want to lose and yet I am struggling to find the motivation. Why? Why is this so hard for me?

WED3

My therapist asked me why I was lying to myself. I said that I didn’t want to face the truth and I’d rather pretend the calories I ate didn’t exist. Why? I don’t know why but somewhere deep inside me I need to find the truth and come clean to myself before I completely fall off the wagon.

She also said that psychologists are saying that planned indulging is healthy, but that with my binge eating history, I could never safely indulge/plan a “binge” (so to speak) with food. I agreed. The closest I get to that is my policy of eating whatever I want in moderation instead of naming certain foods as off limits. This has worked for a long time, and it DOES work, when you do it honestly and accurately. So instead of safely indulging on food, I binge on other things. I get lost in books and binge read them. I do it with TV too. I binge watch tv on weekends as a method of escapism. Still bingeing. Just in different ways.

WED2

Supposedly the truth will set you free. 

I need to be TRUTHFUL about the calories I am REALLY eating.

I need to be TRUTHFUL to myself WHY I am eating the things I am eating. Should I be feeling my emotions instead of stuffing them down inside myself?

The truth is I need to stop eating candy mindlessly at work.

The truth is I need to stop eating dessert every single night at home.

The truth is I need to manage my portions better.

The truth is I need to stop drinking alcohol for awhile. The liquid calories aren’t doing me any favors.

The truth is…I need to learn to love my body as it is, without criticism, without hate. Without the negative voice pointing out all my flaws, flab and stretchmarks. And I don’t know how to yet.

 

A-Abstinence * B-Balance * C-Calories * D-Vitamin D * E-Emergency * F-Fast Food and Fine Dining * G-Gym Bag * H-Happy Weight * I-Intervals * J-Jumping * K-Keeping Sane * L-Losing Weight * M-Measuring Mistakes *N-Nemesis * O-Open * P-Plateaus Q -Quitting * R-Runner’s Knee * S-Support *

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