Feb 192014

Screen shot 2014-02-17 at 9.01.08 PM

Aint’t that the truth?

How many of us have binged on our favorite food and immediately after thought, Next time I’ll do better. Or, Why did I eat that? Or, That’s it, I’m DONE eating badly! The diet starts NOW! And then it never really starts, right?

What TRUTH are you avoiding? And how is it sabotaging your weight loss efforts?

I have a new therapist. I’ve written about depression and anxiety many times before. I had a therapist that I loved. She was awesome. She went out on maternity leave in August and I saw another therapist who specializes in anxiety a few times and while she gave me some things to work on that sort of helped, I didn’t feel like I clicked with her. Back in December when things were really overwhelming and the shit was hitting the fan in all aspects of my life (i.e. feeling like everything was going wrong) I decided that I’d see another therapist. I went in very apathetic after not really clicking with a few of the ones available to me over the years, and feeling rather grumpy about the one I loved quitting. But I think I hit the jackpot with my new counselor.

First off, she’s awesome and I really feel like I can talk to her. She’s also that perfect blend of the type of therapist that listens to me vent, but pushes me to psychoanalyze the why and how to change. Second–and the best part–is that she also lost over 100 pounds and has kept it off. I don’t know details other than that but having a counselor that knows exactly what it feels like to lose a ton of weight was like angels singing “allelujah” with a choir. It may seem odd, but I’ve never really been able to find someone to talk to who KNOWS. There aren’t any books out there on what the psychological changes will be when you lose a lot of weight. Biggest Loser, etc, type shows and weight loss memoirs don’t cover HOW YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FEEL after losing half of yourself. Not only that, there aren’t a lot of maintenance blogs out there. I can name a handful that I read religiously and thankfully they talk about the good and the bad of maintaining weight loss but that’s about it.

I’ve been in maintenance mode for almost 6 years now. In fact, 1 month before my wedding this year will be my 6  year anniversary of reaching goal weight. While I am happy that I’m still UNDER my goal weight (150), I am definitely higher than I want to be. I’ve gained a few pounds. I can blame winter, the holidays, stress, but really the reason for the weight gain has been LIES.

I’ve lied to myself about what I am eating and why. I’ve snuck food in the last few months. Like stuffing things in my mouth, barely tasting them, and then not recording them in my calorie log for the day. As if those calories didn’t count. They certainly counted and the stomach roll I’m now unhappily sporting is showing the truth. So is the scale.

I told my new therapist that I feel like I’m barely holding on lately. I’m sabotaging myself and I don’t know why.

When I first decided to lose weight, there were a lot of factors that finally convinced me. What really helped was having a deadline. I had 10 months to lose weight before I was going to be in my brother’s wedding and I wanted to walk down that aisle 50 pounds less. And I succeeded. Reaching that goal was far more important to me than bingeing on ice cream was.

So why am I struggling SO MUCH now that it’s my turn?


I have roughly 6 1/2 months before my wedding. If I wanted to be exact, it’s 30 weeks, 3 days and 22 hours (I only know that because of the countdown plugin on our wedding website LOL). I have 6 months to lose the 7 pounds I want to lose and yet I am struggling to find the motivation. Why? Why is this so hard for me?


My therapist asked me why I was lying to myself. I said that I didn’t want to face the truth and I’d rather pretend the calories I ate didn’t exist. Why? I don’t know why but somewhere deep inside me I need to find the truth and come clean to myself before I completely fall off the wagon.

She also said that psychologists are saying that planned indulging is healthy, but that with my binge eating history, I could never safely indulge/plan a “binge” (so to speak) with food. I agreed. The closest I get to that is my policy of eating whatever I want in moderation instead of naming certain foods as off limits. This has worked for a long time, and it DOES work, when you do it honestly and accurately. So instead of safely indulging on food, I binge on other things. I get lost in books and binge read them. I do it with TV too. I binge watch tv on weekends as a method of escapism. Still bingeing. Just in different ways.


Supposedly the truth will set you free. 

I need to be TRUTHFUL about the calories I am REALLY eating.

I need to be TRUTHFUL to myself WHY I am eating the things I am eating. Should I be feeling my emotions instead of stuffing them down inside myself?

The truth is I need to stop eating candy mindlessly at work.

The truth is I need to stop eating dessert every single night at home.

The truth is I need to manage my portions better.

The truth is I need to stop drinking alcohol for awhile. The liquid calories aren’t doing me any favors.

The truth is…I need to learn to love my body as it is, without criticism, without hate. Without the negative voice pointing out all my flaws, flab and stretchmarks. And I don’t know how to yet.


A-Abstinence * B-Balance * C-Calories * D-Vitamin D * E-Emergency * F-Fast Food and Fine Dining * G-Gym Bag * H-Happy Weight * I-Intervals * J-Jumping * K-Keeping Sane * L-Losing Weight * M-Measuring Mistakes *N-Nemesis * O-Open * P-Plateaus Q -Quitting * R-Runner’s Knee * S-Support *

Jan 062014

New Year's Resolutions

It’s that time of year! New Year’s Resolutions. A fresh start. A time to plan the new year and make goals. If you’re new to the blog, check out these two posts:

21 Days to a New Life

Five Truths of Weight Loss

Here are some common New Year’s Resolutions and better alternatives:

The Fast/Juice Cleanse

I see “detox diets” all over the blog world, magazines and social media in January. I know several people that do this every January. If it works for them, kudos. Of course the people I know doing the detox cleanses are already pretty fit. I understand the desire to detox after the holiday bingeing! But it’s not always safe.

First, it’s not healthy to suddenly stop eating for a period of time. It can mess up metabolism and cause more issues than it fixes. Second, it would be quite a shock to go from eating 3000+ calories a day to 500. I envision nausea, headaches, stomachaches, and a whole mess of other issues. It’s a fad diet and fad diets aren’t long-term solutions.

My suggestion is to analyze your current diet and make small changes to improve your diet. Find ways to eat more fruits and vegetables. Skip dessert for awhile. Stop drinking beer. There are a million HEALTHIER ways to “detox” and start eating a healthier diet. Read this post I wrote on Why All or Nothing Doesn’t Work For Me. Moderation is better than strict denial.

“I’m going to lose weight!”

This is probably the #1 New Year’s Resolution and for good reason. Obesity rates are increasing to astronomical numbers year after year. Losing weight is a noble goal and a healthy goal. Losing 100 pounds prevented me from developing diabetes (I was pre-diabetic), lowered my blood pressure to a normal number, and fixed the joint and back pain I had from carrying around too much weight. These are all good things!

The reason I say don’t make this your goal, is because it’s not specific. My suggestion for anyone wanting to lose weight is to make a goal, break it down into baby-steps and make sure they are ATTAINABLE. Don’t set yourself up for failure before you even start.

A better goal would be “I will try and lose 5 pounds each month this year.” Or “I will try and lose 1 pound a week in January.” When I decided to lose 100 pounds, I made a smaller goal first. 100 pounds was a huge number in my head and overwhelmed me. Instead, I set out to lose 25 pounds. When I reached that goal, I changed it to 50 and so on. Taking it in smaller chunks helped me to be successful!


“I’m going to the gym every day!”

Again, a noble goal but unrealistic. I don’t even go to the gym every day! Rest days are an important part of fitness and too many people skip this part. It leads to plateaus, over-use injuries, burnout and failure. Instead, start small.

I’ve seen it over and over again. Friends on social media posting that their goal is to go to the gym every day! And I see it. People flood my gym in droves. It’s crowded, it’s unpleasant, it’s annoying for the regular gym-goers (especially if the newbies don’t follow gym rules and etiquette) but it doesn’t usually last. Each week that ticks by, the resolutioners start to disappear. Why? Maybe because they set unrealistic goals for themselves.

So start small. Make a goal to do some kind of physical activity 3 days a week to start. On your “non-gym” days, include a walk. It’s not going to get you to your goal if you burn yourself out right from the start. Not only that, not easing in to a workout routine can cause injury. You know what happens if you do 40 squats in one session after not doing any? Yeah, you’ll be crippled. Hello hamstrings! I’ve done it myself! So now you’re crippled and in pain, resenting the gym and hating to workout–which makes it easier to just quit. Don’t set yourself up for failure!


Finally, here are some past posts that I’ve written regarding weight loss, new year’s resolutions and being successful in your goals. Check them out:

For Those Ready For a Change

How to Start Losing Weight Now

I Hate Going to the Gym

Don’t Wait!

How Are Your Goals?

7 Secrets to Making This Year the Best Year Ever

Choosing the Right Gym

Why Can’t I Lose Weight?

I hope this post has helped some readers. If you’re feeling that spark of inspiration because it’s a new year and a new start, harness that feeling and funnel it into a specific, attainable goal. You can do this!!