Aug 112014
 

6 Years

When I think back to when I started my journey to lose 100 pounds, I don’t think I ever thought about the “After.” Not really. I think part of that was that I’d never really been skinny and part of it was that I doubted whether I’d ever reach the “After.” I had a goal in my mind and I naively thought that all my problems would thus be fixed when I was “skinny” and while they weren’t magically improved, there was a lot of improvement in my life. The biggest improvement, obviously, was my health. I was no longer pre-diabetic and I didn’t have high blood pressure. Mission accomplished. But when I was steadily truckin’ along, losing a pound here and a pound there, I couldn’t really see my future as a “skinny” person and now that I’ve kept the weight off for 6 years, I have a hard time picturing myself as I used to be. It’s strange how your reality and perception changes.

Over the years I’ve had ups and downs in my weight. I gained 15 pounds a few years ago and it took a really long time to lose that extra 15 pounds but I did it. Despite the occasional body image issues I still struggle with, my weight has been maintained in the same 4-6 pound range. Sometimes it’s more of a struggle to keep myself in that range. I am no longer naive about weight loss and I KNOW it takes hard work and honesty.

Honesty is the hard part. When you’re obese you’re not honest with yourself, or others, not really. When I was obese I would sneak food,  I’d eat in private, I’d make excuses as to why I wasn’t losing weight, I’d make excuses to other poeple– “No really, I don’t eat that much…I don’t know why I can’t lose weight…”  (Read these posts: Why Can’t I Lose Weight?An Excuse to Eat, and Overcoming Exercise Obstacles.) Once I faced that I was lying about everything and that I hadn’t REALLY tried to lose weight, I had renewed desire to really succeed this time.

I had to change the way I thought about food.

I had to change the way I thought about exercise.

I had to change the way I thought about MYSELF. No more excuses. 

Was it easy? Hell no! There were so so so many plateaus. There were set-backs. There were some very frustrating times where I felt like I was being punished because I couldn’t eat the same things everyone else was eating. Is it easier now that the weight is gone? Nope. It’s still hard. I still have to make an effort. I can’t just let things slide. I will probably always have to count my calories or do some sort of food tracking. I don’t think as a reformed binge-eater I can just stop doing what worked to lose the weight and keep it off and not expect to gain it back. So the hard work continues.

before

Don’t take that as a negative. Sure I’d love to not be AWARE of how many calories are in foods and wouldn’t it be nice to just sit down and binge eat a carton of ice cream? Or half a pizza (or, ahem, a whole pizza) like the old days? But I can’t unlearn that knowledge and I know how my body feels when I eat junk and when I eat good, healthy foods. I dislike that feeling of overeating now and when I go too long without eating fruits and vegetables I feel ill. Most of the time my healthy choices are second nature and I don’t give them any thought. On those times when it does feel like my willpower isn’t as strong as I’d like, I try to cut myself some slack. It’s ok to take a break sometimes.

It’s my 6th year anniversary of reaching goal weight. I’m now at the “After.” It feels like a lifetime ago, but at the same time I still feel that same giddy joy when I remember that moment when I stepped on the scale and saw GOAL WEIGHT. That feeling is still there and it helps keep me motivate to keep trying when things get rough.

Check out previous year’s anniversary posts here:

My 100 Pound Anniversary

100 Pound Anniversary – 3 Years

100 Pound Anniversary – 4 Years

Another Year Gone By – 5 Years

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Things are changing in my life. Priorities are shifting, goals are changing, but the fact remains: I love my fit life and I will always make myself and my health a priority. It has to be that way. If I’m healthy, my family is healthy. In a little over a month I will be marrying the love of my life. I expect we’ll start discussing family planning in the next year or two and that will most definitely effect my weight loss/maintenance journey. My sincere hope is that I can maintain a healthy weight for the rest of my life and hopefully pass on my love of healthy living to my future children.

For now, I keep truckin’ along. Another day, another week, another year goes by and I can happily say “I’m at goal weight.” That’s enough for me. Skinny isn’t necessary. I’d rather be healthy and fit.

Thanks for reading all these years!

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May 262014
 

goals

Here is the first post: Goals This Week, and the update: Report Card. I think these goals are basic goals for losing and maintaining weight loss but I needed the reminder and the motivation. I am very goal-oriented. If given a task, I succeed. I need that focus. It helped knowing that I wrote down my intentions and would be reflecting on my efforts afterwards. I’ve been trying to be really good at tracking ALL of my calories–even the nibbles and the snacks. I’ve also been trying to limit the liquid calories (for example a few weekends ago I had 1 beer on Saturday night instead of 2 or 3).

calories1

I also went back to the birth control I was taking before I switched in November. I’d gained about 4 pounds from the new birth control (which fixed my acne but the weight gain sucked) and about 3 pounds from stress/holiday eating. So I was up about 7 pounds this winter. I wanted to lose that weight and get back down to 143/144 like I’ve historically been. Changing the pill was the right move–I saw the scale move almost immediately. That first month on the old pill I lost a pound.

caloories
I’m happy that I am finally seeing some movement on the scale! It’s slow going but at this rate, I should be BACK to my normal weight by the wedding.

I went to Vegas and didn’t eat great OR consistently. We were too busy to eat at normal times/meals and when we did eat it probably wasn’t the best food. I missed eating vegetables! After Vegas I was determined to get back on track and continue this forward motion. First step: getting back into the gym routine. I went to the gym and did some weight lifting and followed that with more training for the Couch To 5k.

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It felt good to be back at it! As for the food, I immediately went back to eating what I normally eat at normal times! It felt so good to eat fruit and vegetables again! For example, dinner the other night was baked lemon-pepper and dill salmon, baked sweet potato and brussels sprouts and a green salad. It felt good to eat something healthy!

Robyn's Birthday

The sugar cravings were pretty much gone for awhile because I didn’t eat any dessert or sweet stuff in Vegas. Amazing what a few days off from that will do. I hope I can maintain that. Speaking of sugar, have you read this article? 12 Surprising Foods With More Sugar Than a Krispy Kreme Doughnut–while I shouldn’t be surprised at all,  there were a few things on that list that shocked me!

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