Diet Culture

I’ve been thinking a lot about diets, weight loss, body image, body acceptance and diet culture lately.

I have to admit, I have not been very happy in my skin for a long time now. Pregnancy and post-partum bodies can do a number on your mental health. Struggling to lose the weight after I lost so much weight before, getting close to pre-pregnancy weight and then having that reverse due to medications was a mindfuck.

I tried keto, like many readers know. I lost 10+ pounds, was feeling really good, feeling motivated, then it stopped working. And the next year and a half of keto, low-carb, and some kind of diet cycle like that made me gain and lose the same 10 pounds with no real success.

What did it do? Instead, it made me feel sad, depressed, deprived, frustrated. I felt like I was at CONSTANT WAR with my body, with my weight, with FOOD. Food was the ENEMY.

I didn’t like how I was mentally feeling. Looking at healthy foods like sweet potatoes, carrots, grapes, watermelon and thinking “I CAN’T EAT THAT — it’s BAD FOOD”. Bad food?! What? Since when is fruit and vegetables bad? It really is a hard shift in the brain.

While I do still think high numbers of carbs are not healthy and not what MY body likes…that does not mean I need to be severely restricting my carb intake to 20 carbs a day. That’s extreme. And is it healthy? I just don’t know. I do know that your body needs some carbs for your brain–for serotonin levels. Your body needs carbs for fuel and energy. Carbs feed your kidneys, brain, muscles, and central nervous system. Does that mean eat a donut? Not really. But maybe IT’S OK TO EAT A SWEET POTATO.

What is Diet Culture?

I unfollowed a lot of the “old” bloggers who are perpetuating this lifestyle. You know the ones, I don’t need to say. But they encourage severe restriction, macro counting, cleanses, living on smoothies instead of eating real food.

I unfollowed a bunch of Keto Instagrams I’ve followed for a long time now. They were becoming redundant and I was honestly sick of the constant before and after photos: the morbidly obese picture next to the gauntly skinny picture with a “I lost 200 pounds in a year on keto!” It was not a healthy space for me.

I felt like I was punishing my body, not seeing results, and living in a cycle of unhealthy behavior. Was it an eating disorder? I don’t know. But it wasn’t good. I decided to change it. No more keto. No more “Bad Foods.” I eat carbs in moderation. I eat everything in moderation. Am I still counting calories? Yes. (Some anti-diet culture stuff says not to do that.) Am I still exercising 5 days a week? Yes. It’s not as punishment for eating “bad” foods but because I feel better when I exercise in some way.

I’ve contributed to diet culture. With this blog. With my story. I don’t necessary think that’s bad, but I did contribute. My story was inspiring to a lot of people and I’m glad. I was not healthy at 255 pounds. But that does not mean I need to KEEP DIETING and keep getting skinnier…the whole “I’ll stop when I get to XXX weight” is not a good cycle to be in. Because, XXX weight, is never good enough.

How to Change Diet Culture

Limit Your Social Media Exposure: Do you follow a lot of diet accounts? Whether it’s keto, weight watchers, intermittent fasting, etc. If the entire focus is on weight loss, being SMALLER, severely restricting calories….is it mentally healthy for you? How do you feel seeing those images all the time? Are they triggering? Unfollow.

Think About What Really Matters. Is it sharing that ice cream cone on a hot summer day with your kids? Creating happy memories and traditions? Or do you deny yourself the ice cream because it’s “Bad” and feel miserable, or deny your kids the experience because you are triggered by sugar, or trying to keep your kids from having sugar? (Sure, sugar is not great, but once in awhile, a treat is ok! And I am very serious when I say I do not want to raise my child to have food issues/body image issues like I had my whole life.)

Don’t Try Fad Diets. I still advocate eating in moderation and exercising and weight loss is part of that. But maybe the fad diets, the severity, the demonizing of food is not.

Hide Your Scale. Some websites recommend throwing it out. I am not throwing out my scale. But I am going to limit the usage to once a month. A check in. But I am not going to obsessively weigh myself.

Follow Body Positive People/Social Media. I found a bunch the last few months that have really helped me mentally.

Freeing

Mentally, I feel better. Right now I am 20 pounds over the weight I want to be. I am a size 12, instead of the 10 I was for a decade (pre pregnancy of course). I catch my reflection in a window or mirror and I still feel deflated and wish I was 20 pounds lighter. But, overall I am coming to peace with all of it.

We have family pizza night now, once or twice a month. We get pizza from a local restaurant that has been hit hard by the pandemic and we want to support them. And it’s fun to have a family pizza night. Logan loves it! We are going to get sushi this weekend and see if Logan will try it. 😉

I made zucchini bread last week. I used 1/2 the sugar the recipe called for because I still feel like sugar is not a good thing…but the bread turned out great and it was a nice, healthy dessert. And I didn’t feel guilty eating it.

So that is where I am at these days.

2020

The start of a new decade. As I look back, I think of all of the stuff I did and all the things I accomplished and think “wow.” It was a lot!

I started this blog. I made a lot of friends online through blogging and Twitter. I am grateful for that. It was nice to have a “community.” I maintained my weight loss of 110 pounds for over 10 years.

I was on the cover of a magazine! And on the local news. My 15 minutes of fame. LOL

Michael and I did a TON of traveling! Something I definitely miss. Having kids means that changes, for sure. We still travel but it looks differently. But pre-Logan, we went to Texas a few times (Austin was great!), Vegas a few times, Tucson twice, California, Hawaii twice…so many fun trips.

We did a lot of activities together, too. I ran a bunch of races–half a dozen 5ks, a 10k, Hood To Coast. We biked a lot of events together (Reach the Beach and the Portland Century). You can read about the different events here.

We got a dog! Welcome to the family, Bella! Bella has been a gift to our family. I can’t imagine our life without her. She’s the best dog ever. She’s the best cuddler. 😀 She’s just so happy and sweet.

We got engaged and married. And went to Maui for our honeymoon. That was such a magical time!

I got pregnant and we had Logan:

It’s crazy how different our life is after having a baby. It really does change everything. But like with Bella, I can’t imagine NOT having Logan in our life. Both are a blessing.

Logan was a fairly easy baby with a sweet disposition and a goofy laugh. He loved everything and everyone and was curious and energetic. He grew into a curious and energetic toddler. And now, in 2020 he’s going to turn 4 years old (crazy!) and he’s smart and stubborn and inquisitive and opinionated.

In sad news, I said goodbye to my beloved kitty of 15 years. It was one of the hardest, saddest things I’ve ever done and the grief was real. I cried for months. It took almost a year and a half before I was able to even think about another cat.

In 2018 we welcomed Stevie to our family:

Stevie fit right into our family immediately like he always belonged there. He loves everyone and particularly loves cuddling with Bella! It’s so cute. 🙂

In 2019, Logan and I both had surgery. I had sinus surgery (which has helped me a lot!) and Logan got tubes put in his ears. While both were good things, it added to the stress of 2019 in particular. Healing in general is difficult.

We bought a new house in 2019. Packed up our old house, finished the remodeling projects, moved into our new house, put our house on the market….

And after a VERY stressful summer, our old house SOLD! What a relief! A huge weight off our shoulders. We could finally relax and enjoy our new house and get settled without worrying about the old house selling.

As I sit down and think about the last decade of my life I think “pheww! that was a lot of stuff!” And it was, a lot of big life stuff. Big “adult” stuff. To say that it’s been a lot would be an understatement.

When I think about the new year and what I want to accomplish, my goals are simple. Yes, I am still trying to lose weight. I still have 20 or so pounds to lose. I’ve struggled with my depression and anxiety and medication management. I have been gaining and losing the same 10 pounds since I had Logan. It’s frustrating. So I am hoping that 2020 is the year I end that cycle.

I’d also like to work on being more kind to myself. I often feel like a failure when I don’t reach my goals in a specific time frame, even if they aren’t realistic. Patience is not my forte.

I’d also like to build more me time and more family time/downtime into our schedule. We tend to be very booked and it can get stressful and overwhelming. I miss doing fun stuff on the weekends and going out of town for little getaways. I’d like to do that more.

QUESTION: What were the big highlights of your decade? Any New Year’s Resolutions?