Oct 132015

Recently I posted a link to an article on my Facebook pageSO YOU’RE FEELING TOO FAT TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED . . . I wanted to share it here for you guys to read, too. I really loved this article and could relate to so much! I’m sure many of you can, too.

“In our warped minds pictures become frozen mirrors that we can stare at as we pick apart our features over and over again. I know girl. I know.”

This was me for a really long time. Probably most of my life. I ducked for cover whenever someone brought out a camera at a party or event. If I was forced into participating in the picture I was the one that hid in the very back behind the group of people so that I could hide my body. I was just a floating head in the background.


My other move was to not have body shots taken. A lot of pictures were from the chest up. Not that that really hid the fact that I was fat, but somehow it was better for me.


Another trick: wear baggy clothes or big jackets/sweaters and to hold purses and bags and stuff in front of my body. Not foolin’ anyone!


As I was losing 100 pounds I started to get better about allowing photos to be taken of me. It was slow. It’s not like I lost 20, 30 or 40 pounds and immediately was like “yeah! I’m ok with pictures now!” I was still reluctant. But I’m glad I did get some photos because I get to look back now and see the transformation I made. I didn’t notice the weight loss as I was smack-dab in the middle of it. I couldn’t tell I was losing weight (other than having to buy new clothes in smaller sizes) until it was a drastic change. Looking at yourself in the mirror every day, you don’t see the changes.


The above photo was taken the day I weighed in at 50 pounds lighter–the day of my brother’s wedding. I was SO glad I reached that first goal before his wedding and that I was able to enjoy the day and not feel self-conscious about my body and not enjoy being in the photographs. It wasn’t about me and how I felt about my fat. It was a day for my brother and his wife to celebrate and I’m glad I’m in those photos. No matter what size I am.

“…always waiting for this elusive moment where I would be thin enough (pretty enough) to have such a permanent record of me. Because, you know, HEAVEN FORBID there be any proof that I look the way I actually look.”

That above quote from the article was TOTALLY me. Not only was I waiting to be thin enough for photos to be ok, I was waiting to be thin enough TO BE HAPPY. “I’ll be happy when I lose 50 pounds.” Why can’t I be happy now??


I’m also happy I have some photos of my heavy days (even if it’s not many) because sometimes I forget that was ever me. I see old pictures and I don’t recognize that person, I can’t relate and it doesn’t feel like I’m looking at myself. But I’m glad I have them because I can look back and think “that was that amazing trip to Chicago I took with my best friend!” I’m not thinking “that was the trip I took when I was 250 pounds.”

I think many of us have been there. But have you ever stopped to think, isn’t this a moment that I would like to remember someday? Even if it’s not my ideal body weight, wouldn’t I rather look back years to come and remember this moment? Christmas with family? Especially if family memories have passed away. Am I going to look at the photo and think “God I look fat in this photo!” or am I going to look at the photo and think “I really miss Grandpa. I’m so glad we got to spend that last Christmas together”??

Your children want pictures with their mom.

Your husband wants pictures with his beautiful wife.

Your mom and dad want pictures of the happy, successful, amazing woman they raised (ok, and more pictures of the grandkids while you’re at it)

So you’re feeling too fat to be photographed? . . . Ok. But you’re the only one who notices. The rest of us are too caught up in loving you.

Now that I’m pregnant and obviously going to be gaining weight, I’m trying not to focus on that. I’m growing a human. It’s not like I’m bingeing on pizza and ice cream like I did when I was 250 pounds. That was a different beast altogether. I’m trying to focus on my body as a healthy vessel for the baby, not criticize the weight gain or pick apart pictures of me that may not be the most flattering. It’s important to me to have PHOTOS of this magical time in my life. I want to look back years from now and think happy thoughts, not negative thoughts about weight gain. I’m trying to change my perspective.

What about you? Are you hiding from the camera or embracing life as it is in the moment?

Jun 292015

Instead of the usual food diary format I’ve been using, I wanted to just share a few of the meals I’ve been having while working on losing this weight. My breakfasts and snacks don’t change a whole lot–I have a rotation of a few different meals and that’s about it. But lunches and dinners are where I am trying to focus on changing things up.

I’m doing my best to avoid the old standby of frozen lunches. Here are a few of the meals I’ve had lately that have worked well.


#1 – Miso soup with pad thai rice noodles and green onions, and applesauce. I used a little less than half of a serving of the rice noodles. Calories: 146


#2 – Leftover baked chicken, cottage cheese and string cheese. Calories: 271

#3 – Cashew Carrot Ginger soup with sugar snap peas and 2 large sesame crackers on the side. Calories: 205

#4 – Leftover baked chicken with guacamole and cucumber, orange and yellow peppers. Calories: 242

#5 – Cashew Carrot Ginger soup with Sweet Kale Chopped Salad. Calories: 240

#6 – Sweet Kale Chopped Salad with cottage cheese and applesauce. Calories: 290 


#1 – Baked chicken breast, steamed broccoli, baby red potatoes sauteed with garlic and onions. Calories: 337


#2 – Salad! A variety of lettuce with sunflower seeds, chopped carrot and celery, avocado, a few Craisins, sugar snap peas, leftover baked chicken and Trader Joe’s Spicy Asian Peanut dressing. A glass of wine with dinner. The Peanut Dressing was fantastic! Calories: 534


#3 – Fish tacos. I baked tilapia and used an Ancient Grains Wrap (100 Calories). Put in some lettuce, avocado, green onion, Peach Mango Salsa, Sour Cream, black olives and a little hot sauce. Also had some tortilla chips while dinner was baking. Calories: 566


#4 – Taco salad: lettuce, spinach, lean ground turkey, salsa, black beans, black olives, avocado and sour cream on top. Had some tortilla chips on the side. It’s a good hot summer day meal. Calories: 548


#5 – Another salad. In this heat it’s the best meal. This time we did steak salads. Greens, blue cheese, Craisins and flank steak on top. I weighed out the steak to 4 ounces. Calories: 454

#6 – We wanted to take Bella to the dog park and then hang out and have a picnic so I packed us sandwiches. Mine was a ham and cheese sandwich on a sandwich thin with mustard, half a Laughing Cow spread, mustard, spinach and then rice crackers on the side with pickles and olives and snap peas. Calories: 491

#7 – My stomach wasn’t feeling fantastic so I had kind of a bland meal that actually turned out delicious. I made some Uncle Ben’s Garden Vegetable rice with peas and carrots in it, mixed in leftover ground turkey and I had a cup of Miso Broth on the side. Calories: 328

#8 – We had a date night at an old favorite — Good and Evil Wraps! Love this place. They had a new wrap that I tried, the Rip City Wrap. It had steak, bacon, cheese, onions, lettuce, tomatoes and a delicious Cajun sauce in a spinach wrap.



This thing was so delicious! It was large, maybe slightly too big, but it was a gym night and I was starving and I ate the whole thing. I had to estimate the calories. Calories: Around 800-850

#9 – I made some red lentils, added some Trader Joe’s Thai Red Curry Sauce to it, topped it with baked tilapia and had steamed snap peas. Calories: 577



Currently I am stalled and not losing like I was when I first started this. I know I gained a bit on vacation (around 3 pounds, so basically everything I lost pre-vacation). I am down 1 pound but that’s it. Stalling sucks. I am hoping I can change something up soon to see another jump start in my weight loss.