weigh in

Medications and Weight

I’m feeling pretty down about my weight right now. I wanted to check in and share my experiences lately.

I was doing pretty good. I was to the point where I had 9 pounds to lose to get back to pre-Logan weight. I was feeling better about myself, even though it’s taken forever to even get to that point.

I’ve shared in the past about my experiences with depression and taking antidepressants and the unfortunately side effect: weight gain. Well I’m back to that spot again.

A few years ago I realized that my issues are more with anxiety than depression. Yes, depression was a big issue for me in my teens and twenties but in my 30’s it’s been anxiety. Like on a scale of 1-10, I’ve been holding steady at like a 7 for anxiety! I definitely had postpartum anxiety.

After I had Logan I was sleep deprived and anxious and because of my history I was super vigilant about looking for signs of postpartum depression…so much so that I totally missed the fact that I was suffering from PPA. Mostly because it wasn’t even on my radar. People talk so much about PPD but rarely PPA. I didn’t even know it was a thing until I started to feel like I was going insane.

I was so anxious all the time. The biggest thing for me was anxiety about SIDS. I had no reason to be anxious about it but I became obsessed. To the point where I wasn’t sleeping at all in those early months. It was not a healthy situation. I talked to my therapist and she eventually said it was time to go back on my medication. So when I stopped breastfeeding at 10 months PP, I went back on my Wellbutrin.

Wellbutrin has been my go-to medication for 20+ years. It’s the one that has worked best for me and THANKFULLY NO WEIGHT GAIN. It’s basically the only one out there that honestly does not cause weight gain.

Well, good news: no weight gain for me. Bad news: the medication that has always worked in the past suddenly didn’t work — instead, it super aggravated my anxiety. I was crushed. I went off the medication per my doctor and he suggested we try Prozac.

I was reluctant to try it because I couldn’t really find a lot of information about Prozac and weight gain. My doctor said it was usually “minimal.” But I decided to try because my anxiety was so bad. It was exhausting. I started the Prozac last November and once it started working, it was like a giant weight was lifted. Suddenly my anxiety was gone. I was able to think more clearly and manage the anxiety that came up. It was really eye-opening how bad my anxiety had been.

Fast forward about 4 or 5 months and my doctor decided it was time to increase the dosage a bit.

10 pounds. That’s how much I’ve gained since taking the Prozac. It was slow at first and then the dosage increase bumped it up pretty fast. I talked to my doctor and he said that 10 pounds sounds about right for that. He still called that “minimal.” I know 10 pounds is minimal to most but it’s A LOT to me. Especially in a short time.

I’m unhappy about this, I’m frustrated. Especially considering I’d been doing so well. And then on the flipside, I keep thinking “is losing weight worth the crippling anxiety?” Or is it better to just be like this and have my anxiety under control?

I talked to my doctor and he had a few suggestions:

  1. reduce the prozac back to the lower dose and see if that helps
  2. try Cymbalta instead (the side effects seem iffy to me)
  3. try Buspar (it’s an older medication and apparently doesn’t cause weight gain–but…..who knows)

I’m honestly not sure what the right decision is. It’s clear I need something to help manage the symptoms. But…at what cost?

So that’s the update right now. I still haven’t decided.

Diet Update #3

A few days ago I posted on IG about how I was afraid to weigh in. My clothes have been looser (and I went down a size in jeans) but Halloween really set me back. Suddenly I had access to candy at work and at home and try as I might to resist, I had a lot of candy. Dammit! But a friend, and fellow long time maintainer, commented and said to weigh in, accept it, move on and do better. So I did. And it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. I was 1 pound up from my last weigh in. Not bad at all after four days of candy eating.

NSV this week – I had to buy a new bra. I was a 34DD for years and when I got pregnant and was nursing I was a 38DD. My bras are now too big! I had to buy a new one! And going down one size felt good and very motivating!

Something I’ve been reflecting on lately is that this diet is super hard for me to maintain. I can do it pretty well for a few weeks and then carb creep starts to happen and I find that I am getting closer and closer to 100 grams of carbs on most days. I don’t know why I am so good at it in the beginning but then end up failing–especially since my goal is 50 grams of carbs (so not a true low carb diet, which seems IMPOSSIBLE to me!).

I’m starting to wonder if maybe I should try and focus on keep my carbs low during the work week (it’s usually easier for me to stay on track during the week) and then on the weekends just have a normal diet, eat whatever I want in moderation and stay within my calorie goals. So instead of a cheat meal, just take a break on the weekends.

This is something I’ve been thinking about lately. Curious what my readers think, especially if they have experience doing a similar diet. Thoughts?

New recipe:

Lately I’ve been craving meatballs. Michael was happy to oblige and make some low carb meatballs I found online! He used this recipe: Low Carb Meatballs.

I made a salad and topped it with the meatballs and feta cheese plus Goddess Dressing. The meatballs were so good! We both loved them. They turned out really well and held together well, too, despite no breadcrumbs. The recipe was a bit on the salty side, but overall it was really good. And I loved that it was low in carbs.

Michael made extras so that I can take some to work for lunches this week. He said he could eat these meatballs every week. 😀 Definitely a winner!

New To Me:

I had this as an afternoon snack one day:

Bone broth. 40 calories, 9 grams of protein (love that!), no carbs. It was kind of a blustery, fall day and sipping on some hot broth was nice. In the future, I would do this with a snack. It felt slightly weird to just drink some bone broth. I think some cheese or nuts or something would be nice to have with it.

Cheat Meal

I don’t know that I really “deserved” a cheat meal last week since I ate a few pieces of Halloween candy basically every single day…sigh…but I decided part of the reason I was eating candy again was because the low card diet is so restrictive. I hoped a legit cheat meal would reset my brain (and it kind of did).

I met up with my friend Robyn for a long overdue girl’s dinner. We met up at Maru Korean Restaurant and it was really good! We both got a beer with dinner. I ordered the bibimbap and she got something similar, except hers came in a sizzling pot that made the rice crispy.

They brought out a bunch of toppings, too. I really liked my dinner. It was a lot of food and I didn’t eat all of it. It was a little heavy on the rice and light on the beef, but the flavors were really good. We both enjoyed our dinners and I’d go back to that restaurant for sure.

So that was my week!