Jun 232015


 “To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh


Recently I read an article that I posted to my Facebook group, and I wanted to write a little bit about it here, too. Here is that link: 5 Words to Heal Your Relationship with Your Body.

“I am enough.”

There’s a difference between striving to improve yourself, and beating yourself up for not being perfect. I fall into this trap sometimes. Sure I want to better myself, I want to lose weight, I want to be fitter and stronger and so on and so on…but at what point is it enough to just BE?

In the past 6 months I’ve been trying to lose some weight that I gained, was a little successful and had some setbacks, and numerous times I’ve had people ask me “what if this is just where your body is naturally?” I’ve pondered this and while I am not discounting that, I do think I can lose a little bit more. The hard part is trying to decide when to stop criticizing myself and when to accept that this is it.


I am definitely NOT compassionate to myself. Others, yes, myself, rarely. Over the years I’ve learned to back off with the gym if my body isn’t feel right. 7 years ago? I would have powered through whatever I was feeling and ignored the cues my body was giving me and beat myself up if I had to take a break. Maybe it’s age, maybe it’s having enough injuries over the years that I’ve gotten better at taking an unplanned day (or week) off if my body needs it. It’s hard having compassion for yourself.

The other component of being compassionate is to silence that negative voice in your head (we all have it). Some days that voice in my head is a lot louder than other days. Recently that negative voice was very loud when I was trying on my summer clothes from last year. Having to buy a bunch of new clothes was discouraging and I beat myself up about it for days. Was that helpful? No. But turning that voice off can be such a struggle sometimes.

Positive reinforcement word Compassion engrained in a rock

Positive reinforcement word Compassion engrained in a rock


This was a hard lesson to learn but I’ve learned it. I think what really taught me this lesson was injury. I used to take my fitness level for granted. I’d forgotten how hard I’d worked to get there. It’s not like I went from 250+ to athlete overnight — IT TOOK TIME and EFFORT. And yet I still forgot how hard I worked to get there.

When I suffered from Runner’s Knee it changed my life and my outlook on things. It was very discouraging and depressing and it was the longest injury I’ve ever had. Two years. Two years of specialists, physical therapy, massage therapy, acupuncture, yoga, X-rays and MRIs. Nothing sucks more than not knowing from day to day, or even hour to hour, if your body was going to work right. What helped heal me was going to the Warrior Room. It got me back to running and I was never more grateful or happy in my life. I worked hard to get back to being able to run without pain and I do NOT take running for granted anymore. Even if I can only run 1 mile, it’s something and it’s better than nothing and I am glad for it.



At some point, life needs to be about more than the number on the scale. It should be about living life, spending time with loved ones and enjoying things every day.

A friend was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer and the first thing I thought about with the news was that nothing else really matters in the big picture: just relationships and loving life. Not measuring your food religiously every day, or going to the gym to slog through a workout you aren’t feeling, or stressing about stupid shit…

Going on a road trip with a friend and sharing the memories; sharing an amazing dessert with your spouse on your anniversary; cuddling with your fur-babies on a lazy Sunday morning; sitting on the deck on a hot summer night listening to the frogs chirp and just relaxing. These are the things that matter, not being a size 6 in jeans. It’s a shame it often takes something serious or tragic to remind ourselves of what really matters.

This is work I need to do on myself. Love myself more. Be more kind to myself. Be more understanding. Accept where I currently am. It’s okay to want more and to want to be better, but not okay to belittle myself because I’m not there yet.

Hope everyone read the article and found something in it that spoke to them, too.

Apr 272015



Well, the cold that I had turned into a sinus infection. :( And it was a pretty bad one, too. My face was throbbing. I went to urgent care and got antibiotics and the doctor also put me on prednisone, which was not my first choice but I was so miserable I said ok.

I spent the next few days on the couch, miserable. :( And the Deja Vu…last time I was sick was November when I had bronchitis and I started watching Gilmore Girls (How I Spent My Weekend). It took me like 7 months, but I finally finished the whole show. And was kind of bummed about it, too. There were a lot of things that annoyed me about the TV show (the co dependence, the binge eating junk food running joke) but overall I really liked it and was sad when I got to the final episode!

Keeping with the finale theme, I also got caught up on Justified. I had no idea that it was the last season and had about half a dozen episodes saved on the DVR. By the last episode came and I saw how things were going, I thought “How can they have another season after this?” And then I realized it was the finale too!


It was such a good show and the final season was fantastic. On the edge of your seat good and I already miss the characters. Boo!


Bella loved having me home with her, even though I wasn’t any fun! She kept bringing her ball over to me on the couch wanting to play. Poor baby.


I’m frustrated with the setbacks I’ve had lately. The foot injury, the back injury, now sickness. It seems like I am destined to go back to the beginning with everything. I haven’t been running in nearly a month, same with lifting weights. During the back injury I was doing the elliptical, walking and swimming only. So I was still working out, but not doing quite what I was used to.

So once I’m over this latest setback, I really will be starting over. Starting over sucks. I was getting pretty good and consistent with my running and was excited about the two 5k’s I signed up for (later this summer/fall). I’m hoping that I don’t have to start at the VERY beginning of running but I might be. Time will tell.

The good news: my back is a lot better. It’s almost all healed. I noticed that it starts to return a little after sitting at work a lot. I’m in the process of getting a standing desk at work, so hopefully that will help. I go back to PT this week and I’m hoping she clears me for all activities. The last chiro appointment I had was Monday the 20th and I don’t feel like I need to go back anytime soon. I hope!

I skipped the gym last week when I was sick and took it slow over the weekend, lots of rest and taking it easy. I did some light working out Saturday and Sunday but nothing too strenuous. I am so over this and ready to get back to normal! Saturday all I did was the elliptical (with light resistance because I could tell I wasn’t quite up for it yet) and then stood in the steam room for awhile (which was blissful).


I’ve had zero appetite since being sick, but have been eating 3 meals a day (mostly because I had to eat food with the medications I was taking). Basically eggs and toast for breakfast, soup and greek yogurt for the other meals. I’ve been counting my calories, even though I probably didn’t need to during the sickness, but have been staying within my limits for the day. I had planned on weighing myself this week but after taking prednisone? No thank you! I will wait til next month. No need to make myself crazy seeing a number based on the steroids I was taking. My clothes do feel a little looser lately, so I’ll take that as a sign that I’m ok right now. Right now I’m just focusing on feeling better. Then I’ll get back to losing weight.

Saturday evening I met up with my friend Erika at Oaks Bottom Pub. We’d made the plans before I got sick and I was feeling well enough to go out, so didn’t cancel. It was so nice to get out of the house and be social and “normal” (almost). We sat in the back, under the covered patio with Christmas lights and heat lamps, and had dinner and talked for hours. It was so nice! My appetite was starting to come back and I was craving tots, so I got the turkey and brie sandwich with sauteed pears and a side of tots.

Sunday I slept in super late and just felt really lazy. I originally thought I’d go to the pool but once Sunday arrived the idea of swimming with my sinuses full sounded like a terrible idea. In the end I did the elliptical again. It was easy and low-impact and didn’t require me to have full function of my sinuses and breathing. Being stuffed up when swimming sucks.

Again I hung out in the steam room afterward, which felt wonderful. Then I spent the rest of the day relaxing and taking it easy. The gym on Sunday was a lot easier than it had been on Saturday but it still took a lot out of me. My hope is that this week is a lot better and by the end of the week I’m back to swimming and running!