Apr 012014
 

I’m a huge fan of Dan Savage. I listen to his podcasts (NSFW), I’ve read many of his books. He’s a sex/relationship “expert” and recently I was catching up on some older podcasts when I heard a woman’s call who really resonated with me.

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This woman’s question for Dan related to her weight. She had lost 180 pounds and was having some issues with relationships, men and dating. After she’d lost about 70 pounds, she started dating a man for two years who supporedt her weight loss but (her words) was disappointed when she lost another 100 pounds. Her struggle was that she was afraid to date new people because she was scared to tell them she used to be bigger.

“I feel unable to date men who like how I look now. I feel like lots of these men would be disgusted with how I used to look, and the idea of dating someone who couldn’t have loved me or been attracted to me through this whole journey…I find that disheartening and it makes me so sad.”

She wanted to know how she could get over this, and how does she accept how she looks now and accept that the men that she is dating wouldn’t hate her if she was huge.

Dan’s response was pretty right on. He said, “Tell them you used to be huge. Let them see pictures” on her facebook page, in her house, etc. Those guys will “go the f*ck away” if they aren’t interested. It would be a tool to sort out the shitty guys that would be a waste of time anyways. How they react to “I used to be obese” tells you everything about THEM.

I wanted to scream at my iPhone “YES!” because first, she had voiced the same feelings I had when I was losing 100 pounds and second, Dan was RIGHT. How they react to the old me tells me about their character, not my own.

Like this woman, I felt that way too. Even before I tried to lose weight I wondered, “Why would I want to date a guy that wasn’t interested in who I am as a person because I was overweight?” I rationalized my obesity as a way to weed guys out that weren’t willing to even try to get to know me. This was who I was, deal with it. In reality that was probably just a defense mechanism to make myself feel better.

Me at 250 Pounds:

bluesfest

Me at 200 Pounds:

wedding
Me at 150 Pounds:

pants

Many many times throughout my whole journey this thought came back to me. After I lost about 60 pounds, I started dating again. Sure I’d dated people when I was 250 and had several relationships that last longer than a few dates, but I probably wasn’t seeking out the quality of partner I deserved, instead settling for men that were most likely “chubby chasers.”

When I was getting closer to my goal weight, it was like the dating market exploded. All of a sudden I had TONS of attention from men. Sometimes complete strangers on the street. While I was flattered and definitely loved the POSITIVE attention I was getting, there was always that negative voice in my head that said They would never look at you if you were 250 pounds again!

When I met Michael, I was about 20 pounds away from my goal weight. For the first few months (and maybe even the first year) that we dated, I wondered often if he would love THE OLD ME. If we had seen each other in a bar 10 years ago, would he have given me a second look? Would he have approached me?

It wouldn’t be fair to say, probably not. But perhaps *I* wouldn’t have given him a second look either. We will never know, so why wonder about that? It’s ok to be attracted to people based on surface appearance, the outside, the “type” you usually date. Most dating is based on appearance first anyways. Physical attraction is most definitely part of it!

I would be lying if I said there are occasions even now that I feel insecure and those thoughts pop back into my head. As we are preparing for our wedding and planning our future together, the topic of kids has come up. While we talked about kids all along, the subject matter feels more like PLANNING now as opposed to FANTASY. We may not be marking  a day on the calender but I’d say it would be a real thing in the next few years. And this makes me think, What if I gain a bunch of weight when I get pregnant? What if I can’t lose it all after the baby? How will my body change? Will Michael still be attracted to me?

Why am I talking down to myself? Why am I focusing on the negative instead of celebrating the positive? Michael has made it very clear to me that he loves me the way I am and that I need to stop worrying about what the scale says. What I wanted to tell the woman who called Dan Savage’s show was advice *I* need to take myself: WORK ON YOURSELF. Find a way to make peace with your body the way it is; find a way to celebrate what your body can do and stop focusing on the negatives.

If the topic of weight loss and dating interests you, check out some of these older posts I wrote on the topic:

Is Your Partner Losing Weight? They May Be Planning To Dump You

Fitness and Finding Love

Gaining Weight in Relationships

I think it’s harder for people who have lost a huge amount of weight. There is always that fear of gaining it back and learning how to silence that voice takes really, really hard work.

I’d love to hear your input and hear any experiences you may have had!

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Feb 052013
 

Three years ago,  I started this blog. 


I never intended on sharing my story with the world. I never intended on ever having a blog.  I stumbled upon the healthy blogging world accidentally when I did a Google search for running. I was starting to get serious about my Hood to Coast training and wasn’t sure how to even start a training program. A search brought me to Monica‘s website. I lurked around her site for a few weeks in January and then she started a series called “Weight Loss Wednesdays.” She asked for weight loss success stories to share on her blog. I thought, “Hmm I have a story to share I guess.” So I emailed her and she emailed me some interview questions.

The interview made me really stop and think about how far I had come from 250 pounds. I honestly hadn’t thought much about it for awhile because I was comfortably maintaining and my new life felt like the “norm.” It wasn’t until I read her interview questions that I realized I DID have a good story to share.

Thus began 110 Pounds and Counting.

Shortly after that she published my story on her website. Suddenly I had readers! People interested in what I had to say! I wasn’t planning on continuing the blog. I figured I didn’t have that much to say beyond my background and how I lost the weight.

Post #1 – My First Blog Post

Post #2 – The Old Me

Post #3 – How I Ate to Lose

Once the floodgates were open though, I found that I did have more to say. The creative juices were flowing and I remembered lots of old stories, remembered tips I wanted to share with people, and of course the encouragement of readers inspired me to continue. The number one reason I continued writing here was the positive feedback I received from readers, friends and family. I loved getting emails from people who shared personal stories and struggles with me. They told me that I inspired them to keep trying to lose weight. That made me happy.

The meaning behind the name of my blog: 110 pounds is how much weight I lost on my own. No crazy diets, no surgery, no nutritionist, no medication, no starvation–just freakin’ hard work. The “And Counting” part came to me for two reasons: 1) I lost my weight by counting calories and I still count my calories and 2) I wasn’t finished yet – I was still counting.

The Evolution

When my site started it was simply a place I could tell my story, then it evolved into other things (some of them short-lived). While I was training for Reach the Beach and Hood to Coast my blog became all about training. How I was training, the food I was eating, the progress I was making, the set-backs and injuries.

Then it became more of a place for me to share some of the fun activities I do: hiking, camping, bike rides, swimming, vacations, snowshoeing…I am clearly a very active person and I’m glad I’ve found a soul-mate who enjoys those things too.

A lot of good things have come out of having a blog. The best is by far the friends I’ve made. Some I’ve met in real life, others I haven’t met yet but would love to. I’ve also made some great buddies on Twitter.

Having a blog also gave me the opportunity to be featured in a magazine! I was even on the cover!

The photo shoot was so much fun and definitely an interesting experience. My weight loss story also got picked up by Woman’s Day and Yahoo Health!

Thank you all my loyal readers who have read my tales for the last three years!

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