Jan 022017
 

I loved this article so much. If you have the time, give it a read: How to Feel Better About Not Being as Good as You “Should” Be. It definitely speaks to where I am at currently.

Life is a lot different these days. In some ways it’s the same as it was pre-baby. Work, chores, life, gym, friends and family. It’s similar in routine, we just have a little life with us now. 🙂

But I’m different. My priorities have shifted. My body is different, obviously. And it’s hard to come to terms with that. I was making some progress with weight loss this summer. I lost about 4-ish pounds and was feeling re-energized and motivated.

Then that plateaued. I stalled out. Then I ran into some issues. Sure I could make excuses but the facts are: I was stressed out about Logan starting daycare and did some stress eating. I regained a few of those pounds I’d lost and that was very discouraging. The other fact: I had a major decrease in my milk supply when I tried to reduce my calories.

I wrote a post a few months ago about wanting to get back into fitness and that I wanted to lose some weight but that I obviously Logan was the priority and if I saw a cause and effect in my dieting and milk supply I would back off.

So I did.

I kept working out 4-5 times a week and I was still counting my calories. My priority was feeding Logan. I was disappointed I had to take a break from trying to lose weight but I reminded myself what my priority was at that moment. I came to terms with the fact that my weight loss goals would probably have to wait until I was done breastfeeding.

I started to write this post several months ago. Then we started getting sick. All.The.Time. Seriously–too many colds to count, bronchitis TWICE, sinus infection TWICE, freakin’ pink eye…! It felt like we’d never be well again. Everyone in our house was sick. I’d get back on track with the gym and get in one or two workouts and then I’d get sick AGAIN and take a week off from the gym.

For the last month I’ve been feeling pretty depressed. A big part of that is the constant illnesses. You just don’t feel good about yourself or life when you are sick. And exercise has always been a positive way that I relieve stress and improve my mood. Not being able to do that consistently has effected my moods more than anything, I think.

Waiting to lose weight has been a hard thing to reconcile in my mind, though. Especially since my “identity” has kind of been “the girl who lost 110 pounds” for so long.

Well, recently I’ve come to the realization that I think breastfeeding is coming to an end soon. My supply has dwindled to less than half of what it was. Logan is less interested in breastfeeding and I reached my goal of breastfeeding for 9 months. So starting in January I think I’m going to start slowly weaning and then focusing on my health and losing weight.

I won’t lie — I’m having a hard time with all of this. I’m struggling with the idea of quitting breastfeeding, even if it’s time. I’m feeling very emotional about all of that.

I’m also struggling with going back to being restrictive with my diet in order to lose weight. I thought those days were long over–and that I could easily lose weight doing what I’ve done for 10 years. But the reality is, I’m going to have to buckle down and cut my calories, say no to that second glass of wine, cut out sweets and stop eating old trigger foods (like pizza) in order to lose.

I’ve preached “eating in moderation” and not starving yourself for years and I plan on following my own advice. But I also need to stop making excuses for eating one more cookie or snacking on crap and not logging it. I need to be accountable to myself and honest. 

The day after Christmas, depressed about the photos of myself from the holiday (I mean really, should that have been my focus?? Or should I have been focusing on my baby’s first Christmas?) I stepped on the scale expecting the worst. It wasn’t too bad. I’d gained 3 pounds since the end of October. Basically–all the weight I managed to lose over the summer was back. I still have 20 pounds to lose.

So soon. Soon my body will be mine again and I can get serious about this 20 pounds.

Aug 152016
 

It’s funny, my blog is about weight loss and weight maintenance and the posts that I write now about weight loss get less comments than the ones I post about books or my baby! But maybe it’s not me; I see a lot of blogs these days are getting fewer and fewer comments. I know that there are a handful of blogs that I read and still comment on but that’s gone way down, too. Maybe it’s just the nature of things.

Anyways, I lost another pound this week! I was pretty excited to see the number on the scale – 170. ALMOST to the 160 Land!

Weigh-In 

When I stepped on the scale I was expecting the worst. I’d had a rough week last week. Some stress and major anxiety about something had me all out of sorts. I definitely turned to food for comfort, kind of like I used to in the “old days.” Stress eating sucks but I was so upset about something (and seriously, I was having panic attacks and breaking out in hives for four days) that I said “fuck it” and ate some junk food to make myself feel better.

So when I decided to weigh myself I was expecting to see a gain, or at least, no change. I was quite surprised to see that I was down another pound. It kinda made me feel a little bit better about life stuff that has me down (a little bit, not much though).

 

Eating

Despite the little stress eating here and there in the last week (and the splurge at Dick’s Burgers), I was actually doing really good with my food.

When I work at home (three days a week), I eat a healthy breakfast — usually eggs and an English muffin — and I do not have any snacks in the morning. The next meal is lunch. This is kind of the opposite of when I work in the office. I usually have a mid-morning snack of fruit or veggies and then an afternoon snack of string cheese or fruit, etc.

Lunches at home are pretty healthy — usually leftovers or salad or a sandwich. Lunches at work right now are a frozen meal. Not the best choice but I have so much CRAP I have to haul to work in order to pump that I just can’t pack much by way of food and it’s easier to do the Lean Cuisine instead. The upside to this is that it’s portion controlled and I know how many calories I’m eating. 

1700 calories a day is still my base.

Like I said in the last post about weight loss, I’m also limiting my liquid calories to only a few times a week. I drink coffee (it’s a must when you’re waking up at 1 am and 4 am to feed a baby!! and then he wakes us up at 6 am like clockwork!!) but it’s one cup. At work I make 1 cup of black coffee and add some creamer to it (so not a high calorie drink like a mocha or something). At home I walk to the nearby coffeeshop to get my iced coffee, so I’m burning some calories in order to get it. Bonus!

Exercise

I’m slowly getting back into running! I am slower than molasses–it really doesn’t even qualify as jogging, it’s more like speed walking for a block, then walk, then speed walk then walk and so on. But it’s something and it gets my heart rate up a little bit higher than just walking. Also, when Logan and I go for walks we do a route that is pretty hilly so I burn a little bit more than usual. There are tons of hills in our neighborhood.

Still doing my gym routine and getting back into weightlifting more (and having to increase the weights because they were getting too easy!).

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The above was a big calorie burn! It was weight lifting, PT exercises for my back, body weight exercises, and the elliptical.

On the running front, I did not make it to the 5k I signed up for. 🙁 I was bummed about that but it was for the best. I had gone back to running too soon postpartum, I think, and my body just hurt so I stopped and I’ve been doing physical therapy for my back to get back into shape for it. Since I didn’t get any training in for it I decided not to try and run.

Michael was signed up for the race, too, and so he ran it and gave my spot to a friend to run with him.

The last race Michael ran was his first one with me, last summer. When I was about 8 weeks pregnant, no one knew I was pregnant yet, I was recovering from hurting my back and I was suffering from horrible morning sickness! But still I was able to run it with him. Oh well. 🙁

Michael’s Run Time 2015: 29:18

Michael’s Run Time this weekend: 23:13

Wow! What a change! I’m so proud of him! I’m sure the 5k was super easy considering he’s now used to running like 7 miles a couple times a week.

I’m really hoping I can participate in the 5k we signed up for next month. Time will tell.