Tips for New Brides

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Aww wedding planning. An overwhelming, stressful, sometimes fun, sometimes annoying process. I kind of went into this whole thing with a naive outlook and I’ve learned so many things along the way that I wish I had known before I started planning.

I was listening to this podcast (Bridal Rebellion Podcast) recently and t he topic was “Why questioning wedding traditions can lead to a greater bridal impact”. It was a really interesting interview with a woman talking about how her and her partner disregarded the “outdated” and “sexist” wedding traditions. They had a “non-public engagement” meaning no one knew about the engagement unless they got an invitation and they asked guests not to mention it on social media anywhere.

It was a really interesting interview reflecting on just how absurd and expensive weddings are now these days. They discussed how Pinterest has changed the wedding industry and made everything so cookie-cutter.

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One of the suggestions was to make a “must haves list.” I knew going into our wedding planning that there were going to be frivolous things I didn’t want to do. For example, I knew we didn’t need favors. They are unnecessary and a cost that can easily be cut without impacting the wedding in any way. Another thing: I didn’t want to do the garter removal thing (I think it’s creepy) and the garter toss (what is the point)?

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I wanted to share one tip that I read early on in the wedding planning process that was a brilliant life-saver. Number the RSVP cards you send out so you match them up to the person when you get it back. I kid you not, I got several RSVP cards back without names on them or completely illegible. A few of them I recognized the handwriting and knew who they were, but the ones I had zero clue about, that number saved me. Exhibit A:

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Thank goodness I numbered the RSVPs!!!

I wanted to pass on some tips and lessons I learned to other brides because I really wish someone had told me some of these things. You go into a big event like this thinking everything will run smoothly and it really doesn’t. Before we got engaged and throughout the engagement I subscribed to various wedding websites and read the articles in Feedly and some of the tips I read a long the way were great! But there was also a lot of stuff no one mentioned…

What I’d Do Differently

Because my family is so big, I knew that having an intimate wedding was out of the question. For years when I pictured my wedding day I imagined it would be in a forest or park somewhere–very casual, very “earthy.” But when the time came to book a venue and such, I found myself drifting away from what I originally wanted. It happened for a number of reasons: the comfort of the guests and the possible weather issues (that I knew would stress me out)…But when it comes down to it, the wedding is supposed to be about the bride and groom, so don’t dismiss what you REALLY want because you get caught up in the excitement of planning. Things can get out of hand quick!

I would reconsider the destination wedding. Seriously. Michael and I had both considered doing a destination wedding with just immediate family on a beach in Hawaii or in Vegas. Then have a party later with the rest of the family and friends. Unfortunately we did the math and realized it would cost the same as a regular wedding to do that. During all the planning I considered a few times changing my mind. 🙂 The idea of a destination, low-key, quiet wedding sounded so nice when I was dealing with the stress of finances and annoying wedding vendors and unnecessary drama.

Venue. All-Inclusive. I thought we were saving money by choosing a venue where we could bring in our own booze and vendors. What I would do differently is to consider a venue that was inclusive (the food, alcohol, etc). Everything adds up so fast and suddenly you aren’t really saving any money by trying to do it yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I love our venue–but I wish we had chosen a place that didn’t have a list of “preferred vendors” we had to choose from. Having the freedom to figure out the catering on our own would have been nice (and probably would have saved some money.)

Avoid Pinterest. Pinterest kind of took over my life for a short bit. I finally had to cut the cord and stop looking at wedding websites and pinterest boards. So much of it is UNnecessary and adds up fast. So many things I thought I “had to have” wasn’t really needed. Thankfully I didn’t actually purchase anything I saw on my pinterest board and I’m glad I waited to buy stuff. After the initial rush of getting engaged and excited to start planning, I think I was a little dazed. It was a good idea to WAIT to buy stuff!

In the end, Pinterest started to just annoy me. Type in “Wedding” and you will see all the same looks, same dang pictures and fads and I just got sick of seeing it. It definitely cured me of wanting to do something I saw on Pinterest.

Careful what you DIYMan oh man, did I regret doing DIY on this one. The save the dates were kind of a nightmare. If I had known I would NOT have done postcards. BRIDES PAY ATTENTION TO THIS. Sure it’s a cute idea, and you THINK you’re going to save money by doing postcards but you really don’t. I could not find postcard paper that was thick enough. I searched everywhere–in paper stores, online, everywhere. What I ended up buying was the thickest I could find and it still wasn’t thick enough. As a result, they got kind of beaten up (some tore in the post office) and I regret not just doing something I mailed in an envelope. Lesson learned.

The invitations were DIY and while I’m happy with how they turned out, it was a humongous pain in the ass and had I known, I would have just ordered them from a professional printing service.

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I hope some of my lessons can help other brides avoid certain annoyances that made this process less fun. I don’t want to complain because there have been some things that were kind of fun during this process…but I have to admit, I went into the whole thing with a very naive pair of glasses. I thought it was be endless fun! So much fun and something Michael and I could do together and…did I mention fun?

Yeah, most of it wasn’t fun. It doesn’t take long to feel completely overwhelmed and burned out on making decisions. That was the harshest reality. I was so tired of making decisions I found myself freezing up in simple situations–something as simple as “what restaurant should we go to dinner at?” And suddenly I couldn’t decide on ANYTHING. That was hard. I mean really, that’s not a life or death situation, why can’t I make a decision? I’m usually a very organized, very decisive person that doesn’t waffle when making decisions. What happened to her?!

In a few weeks Michael and I will be walking down the aisle together…there are still a lot of pending things on our to-do list and more decisions to make (like what our first song will be) but I’m starting to get excited and despite the many (many) times I wanted to cancel and elope…I am truly happy that we stayed the course. So many friends and family are traveling from afar (Arizona, Pennsylvania, Texas, California…) to come and I cannot wait to spend my day with them!

Author: Lisa Eirene

About Lisa Eirene Lisa lost 110 pounds through calorie counting and exercise. She swims, bikes, runs, hikes and is enjoying life in Portland, Oregon. Her weight loss story has been featured in First Magazine, Yahoo Health, Woman's Day and Glamour.com.

9 thoughts on “Tips for New Brides”

  1. I know you’ll be able to shake it off and enjoy yourself.

    I’m a party planner from way back (and also worked for a stationers) so I didn’t have as much stress as you did except for at the end. Somehow I always knew it would be work.

    Funny though, I always thought I’d be crying too hard to make it through my own wedding but on the day I was so psyched that I don’t think I cried at all. It’s an amazing feeling to be totally surrounded by people who love you and are wishing you the very best. Can’t wait!

    1. I didn’t think it would be that stressful for difficult. While I don’t have party planning experience, I am very organized and good at planning things. It was kind of surprising just how stressful it all was.

      I am looking forward to our day! I know it will be perfect! And if not, the wedding coordinator’s job is to fix it. 😉

  2. YAY WEDDING SOON!!!!

    Ok, that’s done.

    Wedding planning is stressful and SO many times I wished we had just eloped but in the end I wouldn’t change it for the world.

    My advise is this

    – Pick a colour and let your BMs pick their own dresses! Saves SO much hassle and it was the thing I got the most compliments about. My 3 girls all looked wonderful and they felt comfortable. I am a bridesmaid at a wedding in January and the bride has insisted we all wear the exact same thing despite the fact that we are all different heights and sizes (there is a 10 size difference between me and another girl). Another girl has to lose weight to fit her dress… Trainwreak ahead!

    – Don’t sweat the small stuff.

    – Get the pictures you want. There is only 1 shot and if you want a photo with great aunt Mary then get one!

    – Take a minute to sit back during the reception and just take it in

    – Have a family member ready with a bottle of water for after the wedding. My mouth was SO dry it was horrible. I had to wait ages for someone to bring me a drink after the ceremony and it made talking to guests really hard.

    – Go and talk to people. No one wants to talk to the bride because they don’t want to monopolise your time.

    Now, breathe. Enjoy because the day is over before you know it. I can’t wait to see your photos!

    1. I’ve gotten a lot of tips and read a bunch too…your tip about the water is the first I’ve heard of it and DUH. Makes so much sense! Thank you for that!

      I am surprised at just how stressful the wedding planning has been. Perhaps if it wasn’t in addition to all the other super stressful (and expensive) stuff that we’ve dealt with this year it would be easier….who knows.

      Thank you for the kind words!!

  3. I had to laugh about the Pinterest – you could drive yourself insane with all the ideas! And I have to tell you – you won’t remember all the details of your wedding down the road, so don’t sweat the small stuff. So excited for you!
    Biz recently posted..Fritos and Taco Meat

  4. I swear if I ever get married, we will elope at the courthouse, and have a potluck for the reception in our backyard with a handful of close friends. I don’t even know that I would bring family into it. I would have a complete meltdown trying to plan an actual wedding- when we have a small party at the house I end up freaking out that we won’t have any food and I bake the entire day of the party. Then we have way too much food and no money… O.o But our guests’ taste buds are happy even if their waistlines aren’t!
    Deb recently posted..Thursday Day EIGHTY-FOUR

  5. Great post! I tried to get ideas from Pinterest regarding best wedding tips for a bride and I’m amazed with all the results that I got. BTW, I learned a lot of things from your post. Thanks for sharing.
    Juan Carlo recently posted..Apply Now and be ONE of us!

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