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Partners Who Sabotage

Partners Who Sabotage

Lisa Eirene

About Lisa Eirene Lisa lost 110 pounds through calorie counting and exercise. She swims, bikes, runs, hikes and is enjoying life in Portland, Oregon. Her weight loss story has been featured in First Magazine, Yahoo Health, Woman's Day and Glamour.com.

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14 Comments

  1. Lisa

    I am so very lucky that Mr BBB is all about a healthy lifestyle – so we do a lot of exercise and cooking together 🙂

    1. Lisa Eirene

      That’s excellent! I love that my boyfriend and I are on the same page too (most of the time).

  2. Brie @ Brie Fit

    The first thing I’ve done both times I’ve lost weight is tell my husband. I knew he was a winner the first time around before we were even married because he supported me 100%. Now that I’m trying again, he’s active himself too–we’re running races together now and he loves trying new healthy recipes.

  3. Bethany @Bridezilla Bakes

    This is an important topic. I don’t fully understand the why (like you said), but in college, my roommates were sabotaging. I mean, college itself is sabotaging in general, but they were pretty insistent on not wanting for me what I wanted for myself. I think that’s what hurt — I wasn’t saying that they needed to live the way I was living. I just wanted it for me. But it was like they found it threatening, or they thought I wasn’t “good enough” to be healthy. Very hard.

    1. Lisa Eirene

      And are you still friends with them now? I wrote about this…how I lost 100 pounds and lost a bunch of friends. Suddenly they didn’t want to hang out with me anymore. Some seemed mad at me for losing weight and meeting someone…it was a weird (and hard) thing to deal with.

  4. Eva

    What a great topic!

    My experience has been people sabotaging without realizing or intending to — way better than people doing it on purpose! But in some ways harder, too.. you can’t call them on it in the same way, and it’s less clear-cut in terms of maintaining a relationship. I have found that gently but firmly reasserting your needs, and being clear about what behaviors are sabotaging and how, are the best ways to push through and change loved ones’ sabotaging ways.

    My partner is also overweight and not very fit. He seems to oscillate between being empowered by rising fitness level and ambitious goals… and being discouraged or distracted. He’s not committed the way I am, and that kind of ambivalence can be the most sabotaging of all! Sometimes my best strategy there is to just sidestep him: I take a Pilates class in the middle of the day during my lunch hour; I do my bike training during the week just after I get home, so I’m already on the bike with Bones on by the time he walks in the door.

    I keep hoping I’ll inspire him, though. 😉

    1. Lisa Eirene

      Inspire by doing Eva! That’s the best plan. I hear ya…Michael’s fitness level isn’t quite what mine is but the important part is that he still TRIES. And that’s okay with me. I don’t expect him to be a runner, or able to hike 3 miles without a rest, but the fact that he gets out there makes me happy.

      As for the friends…most of the friends I lost I never had a big “fight” or “confrontation”. It was passive-aggressive sabotaging and negativity but something I couldn’t put my finger on.

  5. blackhuff

    I am happy to say that my husband don’t sabotage my exercising and healthy eating. In fact, he eats what I make and pack without complaints and so does the kids. I do get 1-2 times in a week where he do make me feel bad for not wanting to share a chocolate or a unhealthy meal with him, but other than that, he is very supporting.

  6. RickGetsFit

    Good topic Lisa. My wife supports me, for the most part. She believes in what I’m trying to do, but still sabotages it to some extent. She still has crap food – trigger food for me – and appologizes as she eats it in front of me. It’s tough!

    1. Lisa Eirene

      That is tough Rick! Have you talked to her about it?

  7. Andrew @ 100 Pounds

    I just discovered your blog. I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to find it. Keep up the good work (both in health and writing).

    I started my journey a little over a year before my wife did. She never intentionally tried to sabotage me, but when one partner is trying to lose weight, it can be difficult if the other one isn’t. There are food considerations and sometimes even jealousy.

    Over a year later, she’s on board with me. She’s even guest posting once a week on my blog. She wasn’t in a place to try to lose weight a year ago, but I like to think that seeing my success has inspired her to do the same. Having her on board has given me a second wind.

    Show your partner why they should join you. Let them see your successes and when they’re ready, they’ll join you.

    1. Lisa Eirene

      Glad you found me, Andrew! I think your story is very cool. Despite the rough beginning your wife came around and she’s getting healthy on her own. That’s the way to do it. Fighting, forcing, guilting people into losing weight and getting healthy doesn’t work. They need to be ready to do it for themselves. Glad you and your wife can do it together now!

  8. Christi

    I love that you tackled this subject. My husband tends to unconciously sabotage. I don’t think he does it with any malice what so ever. But, when we are together I make horrible food choices. Weakness on my part 100%. I will alter what I have planned to eat in order to make him happy. I know he preferes french fries over roasted veggies, so that is what I do. Like I said, total weakness on my part. I am working hard to get over it and I have made great strides. Maybe if he weren’t so darn adorable…

    1. Lisa Eirene

      Christi – to be honest I struggle with this too. Michael is wonderful 95% of the time but the other 5% of the time he does the same thing…tempting me with things I WANT even though I’m trying to be “good.” I have weak moments for sure.

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