Apr 092014
 

victory-1

V is for Victory

I think one of the biggest factors that will lead to success in weight loss is positive thinking and recognizing how far you’ve come. Celebrating the successes is SO motivating. It helps us get through those plateaus; it helps us get back on track when we stumble along the way (which we all will at some stage).

When I first decided it was time to lose weight, I knew I couldn’t do both the exercise and the food part at the same time–not right away. I needed to take it step by step. I chose fitness first. I started swimming a few times a week and it was HARD. It was so hard. I hadn’t been swimming in probably 5 or 6 years and I was so out of shape I could barely make it down to the end of the pool. Instead of being discouraged or giving up, I made that my goal–to swim to the end of the pool without stopping.

The first victory came a month later. I hadn’t changed any of my food habits yet, but after just one month of swimming I was 10 pounds lighter. It was amazing! It was the boost I needed to see that this could really work! The next victory came a few months later when I was able to swim the length of the pool. As time went by I made knew goals. I wanted to be able to swim a lap (down and back) without having to rest on one side. The tenacity worked and slowly but surely I was becoming conditioned to swim. My next goal was to swim half a mile. It may have taken me a very long time, but I got there. Then the goal was to swim half a mile without stopping to rest!

Each step of the way I made mini goals for myself and focused on that. Instead of dwelling on the number on the scale I celebrated my successes at each milepost. It was such a good feeling to accomplish my goals. The day that I was able to swim 1 full mile without stopping to rest, I was ecstatic! When I got home I called one of my friends to tell her of my victory. I wanted SOMEONE to know what I had done! The positive support helped me in so many ways.

There were other victories on my journey. Each time I went down in a pant size I was euphoric. It was such a cool feeling to buy new clothes in smaller sizes! When I reached my first goal of losing 50 pounds I celebrated by buying some new clothes.

My suggestion for celebrating your victories is to choose rewards that are not food oriented. That will just sabotage how far you’ve come. Instead, do something nice for yourself. Get a pedicure. Buy some new clothes. Go to a movie you’ve been dying to see, ask a friend to help you celebrate. Basically, make note of your success and relish in!

Your victories don’t have to be the number on the scale, either. As I illustrated above, most of my victories were related to reaching a goal as opposed to the scale. Celebrate those NSV’s!!!

images
You would think the ultimate victory for me was when I reached my goal weight (150 pounds). As I wrote about before in the post The Arrival Fallacy, that wasn’t the case:

“…the ‘arrival fallacy’ the belief that when you arrive at a certain destination, you’ll be happy. The arrival fallacy is a fallacy because, though you may anticipate great happiness in arrival, arriving rarely makes you as happy as you anticipate.”

Honestly, reaching goal was kind of anticlimactic. Once again, all the things that made me happy were the goals I accomplished as opposed to the scale. Finishing 55 miles in Reach the Beach made me happier than seeing 150 pounds on my scale.

Do I still celebrate my victories? Not as much anymore. My maintenance mode has become the norm for my life and I don’t really think about stuff like that anymore. I do still try to have goals for myself but even those seem to have less emphasis. Time will tell if that changes.

Do you celebrate your victories? What is one you can share with me? 

A-Abstinence * B-Balance * C-Calories * D-Vitamin D * E-Emergency * F-Fast Food and Fine Dining * G-Gym Bag * H-Happy Weight * I-Intervals * J-Jumping * K-Keeping Sane * L-Losing Weight * M-Measuring Mistakes *N-Nemesis * O-Open * P-Plateaus Q -Quitting * R-Runner’s Knee * S-Support * U – Unattainable *

Share
Apr 012014
 

I’m a huge fan of Dan Savage. I listen to his podcasts (NSFW), I’ve read many of his books. He’s a sex/relationship “expert” and recently I was catching up on some older podcasts when I heard a woman’s call who really resonated with me.

tumblr_mbpofqSqL51qduuuxo1_1349930136_cover

This woman’s question for Dan related to her weight. She had lost 180 pounds and was having some issues with relationships, men and dating. After she’d lost about 70 pounds, she started dating a man for two years who supporedt her weight loss but (her words) was disappointed when she lost another 100 pounds. Her struggle was that she was afraid to date new people because she was scared to tell them she used to be bigger.

“I feel unable to date men who like how I look now. I feel like lots of these men would be disgusted with how I used to look, and the idea of dating someone who couldn’t have loved me or been attracted to me through this whole journey…I find that disheartening and it makes me so sad.”

She wanted to know how she could get over this, and how does she accept how she looks now and accept that the men that she is dating wouldn’t hate her if she was huge.

Dan’s response was pretty right on. He said, “Tell them you used to be huge. Let them see pictures” on her facebook page, in her house, etc. Those guys will “go the f*ck away” if they aren’t interested. It would be a tool to sort out the shitty guys that would be a waste of time anyways. How they react to “I used to be obese” tells you everything about THEM.

I wanted to scream at my iPhone “YES!” because first, she had voiced the same feelings I had when I was losing 100 pounds and second, Dan was RIGHT. How they react to the old me tells me about their character, not my own.

Like this woman, I felt that way too. Even before I tried to lose weight I wondered, “Why would I want to date a guy that wasn’t interested in who I am as a person because I was overweight?” I rationalized my obesity as a way to weed guys out that weren’t willing to even try to get to know me. This was who I was, deal with it. In reality that was probably just a defense mechanism to make myself feel better.

Me at 250 Pounds:

bluesfest

Me at 200 Pounds:

wedding
Me at 150 Pounds:

pants

Many many times throughout my whole journey this thought came back to me. After I lost about 60 pounds, I started dating again. Sure I’d dated people when I was 250 and had several relationships that last longer than a few dates, but I probably wasn’t seeking out the quality of partner I deserved, instead settling for men that were most likely “chubby chasers.”

When I was getting closer to my goal weight, it was like the dating market exploded. All of a sudden I had TONS of attention from men. Sometimes complete strangers on the street. While I was flattered and definitely loved the POSITIVE attention I was getting, there was always that negative voice in my head that said They would never look at you if you were 250 pounds again!

When I met Michael, I was about 20 pounds away from my goal weight. For the first few months (and maybe even the first year) that we dated, I wondered often if he would love THE OLD ME. If we had seen each other in a bar 10 years ago, would he have given me a second look? Would he have approached me?

It wouldn’t be fair to say, probably not. But perhaps *I* wouldn’t have given him a second look either. We will never know, so why wonder about that? It’s ok to be attracted to people based on surface appearance, the outside, the “type” you usually date. Most dating is based on appearance first anyways. Physical attraction is most definitely part of it!

I would be lying if I said there are occasions even now that I feel insecure and those thoughts pop back into my head. As we are preparing for our wedding and planning our future together, the topic of kids has come up. While we talked about kids all along, the subject matter feels more like PLANNING now as opposed to FANTASY. We may not be marking  a day on the calender but I’d say it would be a real thing in the next few years. And this makes me think, What if I gain a bunch of weight when I get pregnant? What if I can’t lose it all after the baby? How will my body change? Will Michael still be attracted to me?

Why am I talking down to myself? Why am I focusing on the negative instead of celebrating the positive? Michael has made it very clear to me that he loves me the way I am and that I need to stop worrying about what the scale says. What I wanted to tell the woman who called Dan Savage’s show was advice *I* need to take myself: WORK ON YOURSELF. Find a way to make peace with your body the way it is; find a way to celebrate what your body can do and stop focusing on the negatives.

If the topic of weight loss and dating interests you, check out some of these older posts I wrote on the topic:

Is Your Partner Losing Weight? They May Be Planning To Dump You

Fitness and Finding Love

Gaining Weight in Relationships

I think it’s harder for people who have lost a huge amount of weight. There is always that fear of gaining it back and learning how to silence that voice takes really, really hard work.

I’d love to hear your input and hear any experiences you may have had!

Share