Food Psych

I recently started listening to a podcast called Food Psych. I heard about it from someone on Twitter and decided to check it out. It’s about intuitive eating, breaking out of diet culture, eating disorder recovery and Healthy at Every Size.

I’ve listened to about 10 episodes so far. They are long, a little over an hour or so. Each episode starts with a Q&A and then the rest of the episode is an interview with someone new each week, depending on the topic.

I am finding it very informative and interesting.

I learned that bulimia isn’t always about throwing up after eating. It can also mean a binge and then a strict restriction period to “make up for” the binge. I did not know that.

I also learned about orthorexia.

It was interesting to hear this term and learn more about it. Reflecting on my time blogging and reading “Healthy Living Blogs” for almost a decade now, I can see clearly that that whole “thing” was probably orthorexia. Focusing on diet culture, weight loss, over-exercising, being rigid about workout schedules and only eating “healthy foods.” There was a blogger that put a carrot in a hot dog bun instead of eating a hot dog, and a bunch of other truly bizarre (and disordered) things.

I was definitely part of this culture. It makes me think long and hard about my own journey. The podcast talks about how 90% of people who lose weight cannot keep it off. I guess I fall into this category? I lost 110 pounds and kept it off for over 10 years. I think that is pretty commendable. But at the same time, I maintained my weight by strict workout schedules and very low calorie intake. I don’t know that I fall into the eating disorder category per se, but definitely the diet culture category.

Something that happened recently: Logan has been telling me repeatedly lately that he’s hungry. This is after a meal, he had plenty of food during the meal. Michael and I have questioned if he was hungry or bored. We offer “you can have applesauce or a banana or some carrots” and of course he says no. He wants the crackers or granola bar.

This has been very triggering to me. First, I remember being a kid and wanting a snack and my mom would offer fruit or vegetables only. I grew up in a very strict food house, in the 90’s when it was the all low-fat/non-fat/no-sugar craze. So we didn’t get “treats” which lead to me bingeing later.

So hearing my son tell me he’s hungry and he wants to have a sweet treat, is triggering. Michael and I have been very conscious about letting him be intuitive, not being strict with food. We don’t want him to grow up with body issues/food issues etc. I especially don’t want that because I know how it feels and what it leads to.

But here I am, Saturday afternoon when Logan has had some crackers and raisins as a snack (with watered down apple juice to drink) and he’s whining that he’s hungry and I feel MY food issues pop up and I am mixed: do I restrict him? Do I give in and potentially create not healthy eating habits?

Boys can have eating disorders, too. It’s not just girls, even if it USUALLY is girls. I don’t want Logan to grow up like I did. I don’t want him to have body shame, or become obese, etc. It’s a hard balance for me, especially since I am still trying to come to terms with my own food issues.

At one of Logan’s recent “well baby” check up appointments with his doctor, whom I REALLY liked, gave me pause. She weighed him and stuff and suggested we “monitor” his weight. I was flabbergasted. Logan has been in the 97% percentile for height his entire life. 95% sure he will be a very tall boy (my brother is 6’6) because there are a lot of tall men in both sides of the family. His weight was around the 50% percentile, as it has been his whole life as well. I didn’t question the doctor, partly because I was so surprised she even mentioned my toddler’s weight. But I left feeling like “WTF”. Logan is tall and skinny as a rail. His clothes in his size are always a little too big.

This was the first experience as a parent of “Body shaming” my kid. It stuck with me for months. And listening to Food Psych Podcast, I am hearing in these interviews of people who had their body and food issues start at a VERY young age. Like ME. I was 9 when I suddenly realized there was something “Wrong” with my body. (I was not fat in anyway, but I THOUGHT I was.)

I’m working through a lot of things right now, thinking about stuff. But I wanted to pass on the info about the podcast because I am really enjoying it and I think a lot of people will too.

Light Carb Update #2

My “cheat” meal this week was a little different. I decided to split it between lunch and dinner.

I took Friday off as a me day. I went to physical therapy, then to the gym, ran a few errands and spent the rest of the day relaxing on the couch cuddling with Bella and Yggdrasil and catching up on TV shows. (Currently LOVING Feud!!) I decided I wanted a burrito for lunch (I used leftover shredded chicken in my tortilla) and had some chips and salsa. Then for dinner Michael and I had pork tenderloin and some Trader Joe’s garlic fries. I really wanted mashed potatoes but the fries were a good substitute.

The last few weeks my cheat meals were pizza or a burger on a bun with a beer. Those were very satisfying.

New To Us This Week

After our hike on Saturday, Michael made cauliflower pizza for the first time. I’ve never had it before. Here is the recipe Michael used:

Picking up cauliflower already riced (Trader Joe’s) was a smart move!

I opened a bottle of wine that we bought for my birthday in January:

It was a small pizza, perfect for two people. It turned out pretty good! The downside? It was very time consuming. Michael worked really hard on the pizza and the second downside was the crust stuck to the parchment paper after it was cooked, so that was difficult. We eventually figure out how to salvage the pizza and the paper off the bottom.

How did it taste? Pretty darn good. It was really tasty, much better than I was expecting, but was it as good as a bread pizza? Not quite. Michael thinks we should try again and maybe make the cauliflower a little smaller, and make sure ALL the water was out. I didn’t help much, I was on Logan duty, so I’m not sure how the process went but I think for a first attempt, this was pretty good.

You definitely can’t eat the pizza like normal pizza–all fork eating here! But it tasted really good.

Challenges This Week

The first challenge was cravings. I was feeling a bit run-down for some reason and even though I haven’t been having cravings since those first few days of quitting bread, I started to crave bread. No idea why! I was doing really well, not missing it too much. Then boom. I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup (which is surprisingly high in carbs! Why?! I don’t understand how tomato soup is almost as high as a sandwich) and then I craved pancakes and French toast! I resisted but I was seriously craving it.

The second challenge was Easter. We went to Michael’s mom’s house for brunch and I knew there would be lots of carbs for breakfast (it’s the same delicious meal every year). Michael did let her know we were doing low-carb and she made a carb-free egg casserole that was really good, so that was nice! I had salad, fruit, many deviled eggs, then the ham and egg casserole.

I skipped the delicious potato, sausage, cheese casserole and went with the egg casserole instead. I did “cheat” and have 1 mini cinnamon roll. It tasted really good, too. 🙁

Victories This Week

Several shirts and a pair of jeans (that have been slightly too tight for months) were suddenly very loose. YAY for NSV!

I’m up 1 pound this week. (Wine, ice cream, Easter candy…) I’m slightly disappointed, but am back on track and we’ll see how it goes next week.