Food Psych

I recently started listening to a podcast called Food Psych. I heard about it from someone on Twitter and decided to check it out. It’s about intuitive eating, breaking out of diet culture, eating disorder recovery and Healthy at Every Size.

I’ve listened to about 10 episodes so far. They are long, a little over an hour or so. Each episode starts with a Q&A and then the rest of the episode is an interview with someone new each week, depending on the topic.

I am finding it very informative and interesting.

I learned that bulimia isn’t always about throwing up after eating. It can also mean a binge and then a strict restriction period to “make up for” the binge. I did not know that.

I also learned about orthorexia.

It was interesting to hear this term and learn more about it. Reflecting on my time blogging and reading “Healthy Living Blogs” for almost a decade now, I can see clearly that that whole “thing” was probably orthorexia. Focusing on diet culture, weight loss, over-exercising, being rigid about workout schedules and only eating “healthy foods.” There was a blogger that put a carrot in a hot dog bun instead of eating a hot dog, and a bunch of other truly bizarre (and disordered) things.

I was definitely part of this culture. It makes me think long and hard about my own journey. The podcast talks about how 90% of people who lose weight cannot keep it off. I guess I fall into this category? I lost 110 pounds and kept it off for over 10 years. I think that is pretty commendable. But at the same time, I maintained my weight by strict workout schedules and very low calorie intake. I don’t know that I fall into the eating disorder category per se, but definitely the diet culture category.

Something that happened recently: Logan has been telling me repeatedly lately that he’s hungry. This is after a meal, he had plenty of food during the meal. Michael and I have questioned if he was hungry or bored. We offer “you can have applesauce or a banana or some carrots” and of course he says no. He wants the crackers or granola bar.

This has been very triggering to me. First, I remember being a kid and wanting a snack and my mom would offer fruit or vegetables only. I grew up in a very strict food house, in the 90’s when it was the all low-fat/non-fat/no-sugar craze. So we didn’t get “treats” which lead to me bingeing later.

So hearing my son tell me he’s hungry and he wants to have a sweet treat, is triggering. Michael and I have been very conscious about letting him be intuitive, not being strict with food. We don’t want him to grow up with body issues/food issues etc. I especially don’t want that because I know how it feels and what it leads to.

But here I am, Saturday afternoon when Logan has had some crackers and raisins as a snack (with watered down apple juice to drink) and he’s whining that he’s hungry and I feel MY food issues pop up and I am mixed: do I restrict him? Do I give in and potentially create not healthy eating habits?

Boys can have eating disorders, too. It’s not just girls, even if it USUALLY is girls. I don’t want Logan to grow up like I did. I don’t want him to have body shame, or become obese, etc. It’s a hard balance for me, especially since I am still trying to come to terms with my own food issues.

At one of Logan’s recent “well baby” check up appointments with his doctor, whom I REALLY liked, gave me pause. She weighed him and stuff and suggested we “monitor” his weight. I was flabbergasted. Logan has been in the 97% percentile for height his entire life. 95% sure he will be a very tall boy (my brother is 6’6) because there are a lot of tall men in both sides of the family. His weight was around the 50% percentile, as it has been his whole life as well. I didn’t question the doctor, partly because I was so surprised she even mentioned my toddler’s weight. But I left feeling like “WTF”. Logan is tall and skinny as a rail. His clothes in his size are always a little too big.

This was the first experience as a parent of “Body shaming” my kid. It stuck with me for months. And listening to Food Psych Podcast, I am hearing in these interviews of people who had their body and food issues start at a VERY young age. Like ME. I was 9 when I suddenly realized there was something “Wrong” with my body. (I was not fat in anyway, but I THOUGHT I was.)

I’m working through a lot of things right now, thinking about stuff. But I wanted to pass on the info about the podcast because I am really enjoying it and I think a lot of people will too.

Diet Update #3

A few days ago I posted on IG about how I was afraid to weigh in. My clothes have been looser (and I went down a size in jeans) but Halloween really set me back. Suddenly I had access to candy at work and at home and try as I might to resist, I had a lot of candy. Dammit! But a friend, and fellow long time maintainer, commented and said to weigh in, accept it, move on and do better. So I did. And it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. I was 1 pound up from my last weigh in. Not bad at all after four days of candy eating.

NSV this week – I had to buy a new bra. I was a 34DD for years and when I got pregnant and was nursing I was a 38DD. My bras are now too big! I had to buy a new one! And going down one size felt good and very motivating!

Something I’ve been reflecting on lately is that this diet is super hard for me to maintain. I can do it pretty well for a few weeks and thenĀ carb creep starts to happen and I find that I am getting closer and closer to 100 grams of carbs on most days. I don’t know why I am so good at it in the beginning but then end up failing–especially since my goal is 50 grams of carbs (so not a true low carb diet, which seems IMPOSSIBLE to me!).

I’m starting to wonder if maybe I should try and focus on keep my carbs low during the work week (it’s usually easier for me to stay on track during the week) and then on the weekends just have a normal diet, eat whatever I want in moderation and stay within my calorie goals. So instead of a cheat meal, just take a break on the weekends.

This is something I’ve been thinking about lately. Curious what my readers think, especially if they have experience doing a similar diet. Thoughts?

New recipe:

Lately I’ve been craving meatballs. Michael was happy to oblige and make some low carb meatballs I found online! He used this recipe: Low Carb Meatballs.

I made a salad and topped it with the meatballs and feta cheese plus Goddess Dressing. The meatballs were so good! We both loved them. They turned out really well and held together well, too, despite no breadcrumbs. The recipe was a bit on the salty side, but overall it was really good. And I loved that it was low in carbs.

Michael made extras so that I can take some to work for lunches this week. He said he could eat these meatballs every week. šŸ˜€ Definitely a winner!

New To Me:

I had this as an afternoon snack one day:

Bone broth. 40 calories, 9 grams of protein (love that!), no carbs. It was kind of a blustery, fall day and sipping on some hot broth was nice. In the future, I would do this with a snack. It felt slightly weird to just drink some bone broth. I think some cheese or nuts or something would be nice to have with it.

Cheat Meal

I don’t know that I really “deserved” a cheat meal last week since I ate a few pieces of Halloween candy basically every single day…sigh…but I decided part of the reason I was eating candy again was because the low card diet is so restrictive. I hoped a legit cheat meal would reset my brain (and it kind of did).

I met up with my friend Robyn for a long overdue girl’s dinner. We met up at Maru Korean RestaurantĀ and it was really good! We both got a beer with dinner. I ordered theĀ bibimbap and she got something similar, except hers came in a sizzling pot that made the rice crispy.

They brought out a bunch of toppings, too. I really liked my dinner. It was a lot of food and I didn’t eat all of it. It was a little heavy on the rice and light on the beef, but the flavors were really good. We both enjoyed our dinners and I’d go back to that restaurant for sure.

So that was my week!