Disordered Thinking

There have been a few times in my journey to healthy living where I recognized that I was having disordered thinking. The first time was when I was 250 pounds and I had given up on the idea of ever losing weight. I had resigned myself to always being obese, but part of me always thought “I’d be happy if I was skinny.” Of course, losing weight in itself didn’t make me “happy” but getting healthy certainly did.

Another time I recognized this disordered thinking pattern was when I was about 30 pounds away from reaching my goal weight. I had all this extra energy that I’d never had before and I hated to just sit still. If I had free time, I’d go work out. I was also sooo stuck. The scale was not budging. I hit a plateau that stuck around for so long it made me crazy. My solution? To work out every day. For 28 days straight, I worked out in some fashion–gym, swimming, running, walking. This was most definitely disordered thinking! Rest days are important for the body and the mind and I was clearly overtraining. This experience was the birth of my “two rest days a week no matter what” edict.

Fast forward to reaching my goal weight. I was happy, I felt accomplished and satisfied that I’d reached the goal of losing 100 pounds–and kept going! 110 pounds! I was so proud. Then I made the classic mistake: I stopped doing what worked to the lose the weight and thought I could maintain without counting my calories. Add a medication that causes weight gain to the mix and the scale steadily crept up. This time the disordered thinking was denial. I blamed the 15+ pounds on muscles, on training for Hood to Coast, on everything BUT my own behaviors.

Last year about this time I was getting a little obsessed with the scale. Too focused on what that number was. Thinking too much about those stupid ounces or pounds. Weighing too much. STOP. This is disordered. Walk away from the scale. Thus began my Scale-Free Summer which released me from the unhealthy patterns. It broke the habit of the scale, it made me more comfortable in my body and released me from the chains of unhealthy thinking.

I do not have this disordered thinking pattern 100% beat. If I had to guess I’d say it’s about 80%. Most of the time I am comfortable in my own skin, I am happy and content with my body as I maintain my weight loss, I am proud of losing 110 pounds. But every once in awhile, that disordered thinking starts to creep back into my brain…that little voice that says “I feel so fat.” (Note: Fat is NOT a feeling. I need to remind myself of this!)

Lately I’ve been looking at some photos of myself and thinking, “I don’t like how I look in that picture” or “I wish I didn’t have a muffin top.” I weigh the same as I’ve weighed for a long time now. So why is my brain playing tricks on me? Maybe it’s a control thing…there are things in my life that have happened recently that I cannot control and it sucks feeling like you can’t make decisions or go for your goals because you are waiting…waiting…limbo…But controlling food and exercise is not the area to remedy that.

Maybe I will never be 100% over it. But the most important thing to take away from this lesson is this:

I recognize when my thinking is disordered

and I put a stop to it.

Walk away from the scale, stop obsessing, think of something else, change the behavior when you recognize it happening. I need to celebrate my victories, recognize my non-scale victories, remind myself of what I have accomplished and the amazing things my fit body can do! It’s hard, it takes work and positive thinking, but it can work.

QUESTION: Can you recognize when you are slipping into disordered thinking and change it?

Author: Lisa Eirene

About Lisa Eirene Lisa lost 110 pounds through calorie counting and exercise. She swims, bikes, runs, hikes and is enjoying life in Portland, Oregon. Her weight loss story has been featured in First Magazine, Yahoo Health, Woman's Day and Glamour.com.

14 thoughts on “Disordered Thinking”

  1. I’m so guilty of disordered thinking and although I know better, sometimes my mind slips into that “dark place.” I think the best thing is to recognize it and think of the positives and the accomplishments. You’ve done so well conquering those bad thoughts and pushing yourself forward. I hope I can follow in your footsteps!
    Jennifer recently posted..I Will Try To Fix Me

  2. Yep. Guilty. I’m just beginning yet again on a weight loss journey. It feels so daunting. I weigh 100# more than I did when I got married 21 years ago. It doesn’t seem possible. But there it is in every photo and in the clothes I can’t wear anymore.

    I can definitely relate to ‘feeling fat.’

  3. Great post. I have come a long way with disordered thinking. There was a time when it was pretty bad (in hindsight, of course. At the time, I had myself convinced otherwise). Things are sooo much better now, with the help of my husband, parents and friends. Not that I’m perfect, but I lead such a healthier and happier lifestyle now, that I’m capable of nipping any disordered thinking in the bud right away.
    Michelle @ Eat Move Balance recently posted..Recap of My First Health and Wellness Seminar!

  4. I bounce between obsession and denial. For now I’ve put the scale away, which I think will be helpful. Total aside, foundation garments are awesome for making your figure look more the way you want it to – Spanx wouldn’t be so popular if they didn’t work. I know it’s a quick fix but why not explore it if you can. (I know, they’re pricey but worth it)

  5. Thank you so much for this thoughtful post. I really think this is something that every person struggles with in one manifestation or another…which is what makes it so tricky!

    When having thoughts like, “You look fat” or “You’ll never be able to do that,” it helps to ask myself, “Would you say that to a stranger?” If the answer is “no,” then I’m not allowed to say it to myself, either.

    My husband had to sit me down a few days ago and *literally* repeated what I had just said: “I only work out six times per week, but I’m still so tired.” Sometimes hearing it from the mouth of another makes you realize just how disordered it is.
    Alex @ Brain, Body, Because recently posted..How to "hit refresh"

    1. That was nice of your husband to do that. Michael will sometimes do something similar when we are having communication issues. He’ll ask “what did you HEAR me say?” And often times I hear something (ie interpret) different. I think that can happen with our own brains. We start to pick apart our bodies in the mirror when what we see isn’t really there.

  6. This is an excellent post! Learning to manage the negative thought patterns is one of the hardest, but most rewarding aspects of the weight loss and maintenance cycles.

    Thanks for writing this Lisa. 🙂
    Sarah recently posted..Fashion Envy

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