Feb 102016
 

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I wanted to write a post about how I’m feeling because, after all, this was a blog about gaining and losing weight and addressing body image is important to me. Read these two recent posts about the topic of weight gain and pregnancy:

Let’s Talk About Weight

Body Changes During Pregnancy

For the last few months I’ve been handling the weight gain pretty well. It was slow in the first trimester, most of the second trimester it was steady but not extreme. Then around 26 weeks I had a big jump. Even though everything I read said this was normal around that time period, it was kind of devastating. I was shocked to see an 8 pound difference from last doctor appointment. 8 pounds in one month?!

After talking to some friends that had had babies and reading that this jump was normal, I was able to talk myself down a bit and not beat myself up about the weight gain. After all, I had been staying consistent with my fitness (working out 5 days a week) and I was still counting my calories and 85% of the time I was staying within the range my doctor suggested.

Then at 27 weeks the bump POPPED. It wasn’t a cute little bump anymore, it was a “wow there’s definitely a baby in there” bump. It’s crazy to see a drastic change in just one week. Where did that big bump come from?!?

Once I was in the third trimester and the weight was consistently climbing and the baby was getting bigger, I was struggling. A lot. I’d have good days and I’d have bad days. It was hard to see my body changing in such a major way. It was HARD not to compare those changes to the OLD body I used to have. I kept trying to remind myself that this is pregnancy, I was gaining weight for a healthy baby, not because I was obese.

Those old memories were hard to shake, though.

It was hard not to focus on the number.  It was hard not to feel like I was back at my 25 year old self when I was obese. At my highest weight I was 255 pounds or so.

What’s hard to ignore is just HOW HARD I WORKED to lose that 110 pounds. It took nearly 2 years of hard work, daily effort, diligence and focus to lose the weight. So seeing the number on the scale tick up and up felt like a failure to that success.

It’s difficult to articulate just how it feels. Because logically I know it’s ok. My doctor isn’t concerned with my rate of weight gain. Everything has come back normal, right on target, baby is healthy. I’m happy I am able to stay active and workout, even if I am modifying a lot of activities. That has definitely helped my body image, self-esteem and just general mood. Working out gives me a boost of happy feelings and that’s good. So if I can still workout, feel good and I know logically that things are normal and ok, why do I get bummed out when I see my body getting bigger??

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It’s been said before many times but it’s really true. Comparison is the thief of joy. It is SO HARD not to compare yourself to other pregnant ladies. I’ll see them at the gym and it looks like they are further along then I am, yet they are all stick thin with a basketball belly. You know the type. They don’t seem to be gaining weight in other parts of their bodies…like I am…and I compare myself. Then I feel badly and then I shame myself for comparing myself and it’s a vicious cycle.

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It’s weird not having ANY control over your body changes. Something that happened when I lost 110 pounds was that I realized I was in control of my body and I COULD lose weight. Then when I spent 6+ years maintaining that weight loss, I was still in control. I could make decisions on what I ate and I made good decisions most of the time and was successful. Then all of a sudden, I was no longer in control of what happened to my body, even though I was still TRYING to be in control of it. Letting that go has been a struggle for me — I am not good at giving up control.

What sucks is the comments I get from other people. People who either think they are being charming or funny, but are not. Just don’t. Never make judgmental comments, even “joking” about a pregnant woman’s body.

I was looking through some Facebook posts recently and saw some photos of myself from last year and the year before–when I was feeling down about having gained 10 pounds or so. My first thought was, Damn, I was so much skinnier! Then I thought, why didn’t I realize it at the time? PERSPECTIVE.

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I came across this article: The Dirty Little Secret About Pregnancy Weight Gain and was a little uneasy…expecting it to be gimmicky or a waste of time but reading through it, it really spoke to me. It was more about finding perspective, and not the judge-y article I was expecting. Here is a tidbit from that article:

“According to experts, these are the main concerns:

  1. You’ll be more uncomfortable with all that extra weight to haul around.
  2. You could develop gestational diabetes.
  3. You might have high blood pressure, which can lead to scary complications.
  4. Your baby could be big, making labor more difficult and possibly leading to a C-section.
  5. You’ll have your work cut out for you to lose more weight after the baby’s born.

For me personally, I have no signs of gestational diabetes, my blood pressure is consistently low, and my baby’s growth is right on track.

Leaving only concerns number 1 and 5, which are really just about my own convenience. After talking to my midwife and reading up on the risks, I’m not concerned about my “high” pregnancy weight gain.”

It was kind of an eye-opening DUH moment for me. Perspective. I do not have gestational diabetes. My baby is not measuring extra large, my blood pressure is normal and I’m not having any other issues. On top of that, I am counting my calories per my doctor’s instructions and I’ve been exercising pretty much the same throughout. Those are all positives! So what if my body is gaining a little bit more than I was hoping? All signs are pointing to healthy–isn’t that the most important part?

I have no idea how much I weigh at this moment. Once I got to the middle of the third trimester I stopped looking at the doctor’s office. I didn’t need to know how much weight I was gaining because really…this pregnancy has shown me that it’s out of my control and feeling badly about myself isn’t going to be a positive thing at this stage in the game. Besides, I’m almost to the end. Why do I need to know right now? Maybe my focus needs to be on other things for these last few weeks.

So I’m not weighing myself, I’m still working out when I can, doing what I can, counting my calories and eating healthy, and LETTING IT GO. My mind is now focused on the baby and not the weight, even if I do have a “bad” day. I can’t wait for him to be here and I’m happy my body is doing so well as he grows.

How am I feeling now?

At 35 weeks I am finding that I care less about the weight gain. Maybe that’s because I haven’t been to the doctor in a few weeks and I don’t know how much I weigh…ignorance is bliss? But I’m honestly feeling pretty good about my body right now. I feel like I’m in the homestretch and just generally feeling happy with my body these days!

If you’ve had kids, how did you feel about the weight gain?

Jun 032015
 

…And back on the plan!

Honestly I didn’t do too bad on my vacation in Arizona. We were doing a LOT of walking the entire time and I still worked out. I used the hotel gym twice, I swam once and we went for a hike. Most days we didn’t eat three meals. Which is typical when I’m on vacation. I usually just eat breakfast and dinner, or brunch and a snack.

I tried to make good choices when we did eat out, choosing vegetables and salads whenever possible. I knew that the portions would be much bigger than what I was used to. I also knew that a lot of my calories would be coming from booze. I tried to limit that as well to 3 glasses of whatever it was for the day.

When I got back I weighed myself. I was up about 1.5 pounds. Which was disappointing for sure, but I’m not beating myself up because I knew that I might gain some back on vacation. Anyways, I’m back at it and hopefully will make some progress soon.

Day One

Breakfast: 2 fried eggs, piece of toast with jalapeno jam and coffee with creamer. Calories: 345

Snack: Sliced pear. Calories: 57

Lunch: Applesauce, 1 ham and cheese wrap and 1 turkey and cheese wrap with a little mayo and mustard, spinach and kale and Craisins. No bread (just wrapped everything up in the meat). Two mini Tootsie rolls. Calories: 255

Snack: Guacamole and celery for pre-gym snack. Calories: 109

Dinner: Brussels Sprouts, baked lemon and dill salmon, some tortilla chips (I was craving SALT!). Calories: 584

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Dessert: 2 small pieces of chocolate. Calories: 180

Fitness: Back at the gym. Weight lifting, PT exercises, ran on the treadmill, also did a lot of walking on my breaks at work.

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It felt REALLY good to get back into the routine right after vacation. It also felt good to eat fruits and veggies!

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Day Two

Breakfast: 2 fried eggs, piece of toast with jalapeno jam and coffee with creamer. Calories: 345

Snack: Applesauce. Calories: 50

Lunch: Lentil and Roasted Red Pepper soup. There was a potluck at work for two retirements so I munched on some fruit and crackers and tried not to partake in the cake and other junk (that look REALLY tasty). Calories: Around 279

Snack: I ended up having a little bite of some potluck treats. Calories: about 100

Dinner: I baked some tilapia and topped it with mango peach salsa, steamed some green beans and had rice. Dinner was delicious! Calories: 448

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Dessert: Strawberries and some chocolate. Calories: 142

Despite eating some potluck munchies, I did really well. It was a rest day so only walking for me.

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Day Three

Breakfast: 2 fried eggs with hot sauce, English muffin toasted with cinnamon and Splenda, unsweetened iced tea and coffee with creamer. Calories: 338

Snack: Baby carrots and a Laughing Cow Swiss cheese wedge. Calories: 52

Lunch: Sliced apple wrapped in cheese and ham and turkey.  I also had some cashews. Calories: 294

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Snack: Plain Greek yogurt with sliced strawberries and a tootsie roll. Calories: 164

Dinner: Michael made burgers. I had mine on a toasted sandwich thin with the light Sargento cheese slice, a little bit of mayo, mustard, lettuce and pickles. I also had some Trader Joe’s tots. Plus 2 glasses of wine. Calories: 892

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Dessert: Strawberries and a piece of chocolate. Calories: 118

Fitness: Swim! Swam 2000 yards in 45 minutes. Burned around 300. Also did some walking during my lunch break and we walked Bella after dinner.

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I’d call this day a fail. I could have skipped the tots and saved myself 200 calories. But I wanted them. I could have stuck with 1 glass of wine but I wanted the second. I struggled. Sure I didn’t go too crazy over my calories but…I still did. 🙁

Day Four

Breakfast: I sauteed some chopped broccoli in veggie broth, let the broth evaporate and then scrambled 2 eggs into them with green onion. Then I topped it with hot sauce and had cottage cheese with it. It was really delicious! Coffee with creamer and EmergenC drink. Calories: 348

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Lunch: Ham and cheese sandwich on a sandwich thin. Goldfish crackers. Calories: 418

Snack: Luna protein bar. Calories: 90

Dinner: Papa Murphy’s DeLite pizza with a salad and wine. Calories: 910

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Dessert: Strawberries and chocolate. Calories: 118

Fitness: Went for a hike and burned 867 calories!

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Day Five

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with spicy pork sausage in a small corn tortilla with cottage cheese and hot sauce. Unsweetened iced tea and coffee with creamer. Calories: 392

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Lunch: Roasted red pepper and lentil vegetable soup with some goldfish crackers. Calories: 337

Dinner: We had a garden party and two couples came over. They each brought a salad (a homemade Caesar salad with a sliced egg on top and a yummy kale salad). I did baked beans and Michael grilled up chicken drumsticks with BBQ sauce. There was some cider shared, some wine drunk…yeah I overdid it. Calories: 1146

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Dessert: A friend brought over angel food cake (I sliced a small piece) and strawberries and it was a much healthier and lower calorie option for dessert. It was perfect! Calories: 172

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Fitness: Went to the gym. Warmed up on the spin bike, then did weights followed by the elliptical. Also did some gardening and took Bella for a walk. It was a very active day and my body felt tired and sore from the busy weekend and the hike on Saturday!

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I went over my calories. Dinner was pretty healthy but it was the portions and the liquid calories that got me!

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Day Six

Breakfast: Toasted English muffin with cinnamon and splenda, Chocolate whey protein shake, coffee with creamer. Calories: 298

Snack: Unsweetened applesauce. Calories: 50

Lunch: Leftover rice, kale salad and some chips.  Calories: 281

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Snack: I didn’t eat enough protein this day I think. I was kind of hungry most of the day. For a snack I had some Buddha Skinny Tea. Calories: 0

Dinner: Leftover chicken drumstricks, steamed green beans, cottage cheese and some crackers (not shown) while dinner was cooking. Calories: 418

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Dessert: Strawberries and some chocolate. Calories: 212

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Day Seven

Breakfast: 2 fried eggs, English muffin with cinnamon and splenda, unsweetened iced tea, coffee with creamer. Calories: 338

Snack: Applesauce. Calories: 50

Lunch: Miso soup with green onions and steamed Chicken Shu Mai dumplings. Calories: 205

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Snack: Guacamole and baby carrots. Calories: 109

Dinner: Steamed broccoli with a little Goddess dressing, a bratwurst with mustard and sauerkraut, quinoa. Calories: 693

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Dessert: Strawberries and some chocolate. Calories: 140

Fitness: Weight lifting, PT exercises and the elliptical at the gym.

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Here are my stats for the day:

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It was a pretty good day all in all. I’m going to weigh myself next week and keep doing what I’m doing and hopefully I’ll see some of the vacation weight gone.