eating disorders

Keto & Mindful Eating

Quick Progress Update

The diet is going well so far. I am losing weight, slow and steady. I am averaging a loss of about .8-1.2 pounds a week and while it’s not a huge loss each week like a lot of the keto websites and bloggers promise (I feel like they promise big losses to sell their meal plans maybe?) I am still losing and I am happy with that. I knew going in that it would probably be a slow process. When I lost weight the first time, it was a pretty slow process.

Thoughts on Weight Loss

Before I started Keto, I was struggling. After having Logan my body was out of whack. Pregnancy, breastfeeding, age, metabolism, lack of sleep, all of it…it all contributed to no weight loss. Add in medications that caused some weight gain and I was right back to where I started when I had Logan. I was feeling very disappointed and depressed. I was stressed out and frustrated that NOTHING worked. No matter what I did I didn’t see much of a change on the scale. I kept gaining and losing the same 3 or so pounds.

I was definitely getting into some unhealthy behaviors and unhealthy mental loops. I was getting VERY restrictive with my calories. I was already pretty low–1400 calories a day–and that was with working out. I was seeing food as the enemy. I was looking at meals as a negative equation: How could I cut more calories? Why wasn’t I losing any weight as I cut more and more?

It wasn’t a healthy place to be. And it sucked because back in the day when I was trying to lose over 100 pounds, I was never in that obsessive, negative, eating-disorder mindset.

If nothing else, doing the keto diet has shifted my mindset into a different realm. I’m no longer focusing on calories–which is a HUGE shift for me considering calories were what I focused on for the last 15 years.

Instead, I am focusing on macros and net carbs/fat. The calories are at the bottom of my priority list. I am still trying to stay within a range but I no longer feel anxiety if I am seeing in the MyFitnessPal app that I am over my calories for the day. It is no longer the focus.

I feel less stress and anxiety about all of that, so that’s a relief. Sometimes if I go over the net carbs for the day I do feel disappointed in myself but I try not beat myself up about it. It’s just one day and I usually don’t go that far over my goal.

When I am planning my meals and food for the day I focus on the macros and when I look at nutrients on food labels, I look at carb count first, and sometimes I don’t even look at the calorie count! SO weird! Especially for me!

I will be doing another weigh-in post and update in about two weeks.

Thigh Gap Obsession

So apparently there has been controversy over something called “thigh gap” and I’ve totally been out of the loop. I didn’t even really understand what it meant. I’ve seen it talked about in various places and now I kinda get it. I read this post, Thigh Gap Obsession – Not Again! , and learned even more.

‘Thigh Gap’: New Teen Body Obsession?

“A new body trend is apparently becoming an obsession among teenage girls. It’s the thigh gap — a clear space, or gap, that can be seen between the thighs when a girl is standing with her knees together. Some runway models have it, and teen girls want it.”

Oh…so that’s what it means. And it dawned on me that I’d been guilty of desiring the same thing without even knowing it. I don’t think this topic is solely for teenage girls. I think it’s relevant to anyone who is trying to lose weight or wishes their body type was just a little bit different.

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When I was obese, my thighs rubbed together. I sometimes had “chub rub” which could be incredibly painful. Basically my thighs just rubbed together and it made my skin red. Thankfully it never got infected or became truly horrible like some people have experienced.

I was always self-conscious about my thighs. They were my FIRST source of body image hatred. I distinctly remember being about nine years old and some mean girl on the playground called me “thunder thighs.” That was the birth of my body image issues. I didn’t have fat thighs, I wasn’t even a little overweight at 9 (not until I was in my late teens, really). And yet that comment stuck with me and made me self-conscious of my thighs forever after that. I also had a birthmark on my thigh that I was embarrassed about–which is weird because it’s tiny and hardly noticeable.

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While I was losing 100 pounds my body was transformed in front of me and while some things weren’t always noticeable, other things were very noticeable. The first thing I noticed after significant loss was that I had a collarbone and I could actually SEE it. It was crazy! I’d never really seen it–or my ribs for that matter. The other thing I noticed and loved was the fact that my thighs no longer rubbed together.

As my body shrank, I definitely became enamored with how great my legs looked. All of the running, cycling and swimming I did toned my legs nicely. I still admire my legs in the mirror often. I don’t think it’s vanity–I think it’s finally accepting and loving my body as it is and being proud of my hard work.

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This “thigh gap” is a ridiculous standard and it’s probably causing young girls (and adults I’m sure) to develop eating disorders in order to attain this weird beauty fad. Yet at the same time, it’s something I’ve noticed that I sometimes have and feel proud of. For me it is NOT about being skinny, it’s about having toned legs that are the reward of my vigorous work to be fit.

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I will never be “skinny” and long ago I came to terms with that. My body type is short, stocky, muscular–probably classified as “athletic”. I know that the skinny twig legs aren’t something I can attain, neither are they something I desire. But I understand the desire to see certain body parts change.

So as you can see, I have some mixed feelings about this. While I’ve noticed too-skinny women with legs that look like sticks and wondered if they were sick; I’ve also noticed really healthy looking women with toned legs that made me wonder if they were a runner! There’s a difference between unhealthy skinny obsession and healthy toned and athletic figures.

What do you think about this new obsession?