postpartum body

Getting Serious

I loved this article so much. If you have the time, give it a read: How to Feel Better About Not Being as Good as You “Should” Be. It definitely speaks to where I am at currently.

Life is a lot different these days. In some ways it’s the same as it was pre-baby. Work, chores, life, gym, friends and family. It’s similar in routine, we just have a little life with us now. 🙂

But I’m different. My priorities have shifted. My body is different, obviously. And it’s hard to come to terms with that. I was making some progress with weight loss this summer. I lost about 4-ish pounds and was feeling re-energized and motivated.

Then that plateaued. I stalled out. Then I ran into some issues. Sure I could make excuses but the facts are: I was stressed out about Logan starting daycare and did some stress eating. I regained a few of those pounds I’d lost and that was very discouraging. The other fact: I had a major decrease in my milk supply when I tried to reduce my calories.

I wrote a post a few months ago about wanting to get back into fitness and that I wanted to lose some weight but that I obviously Logan was the priority and if I saw a cause and effect in my dieting and milk supply I would back off.

So I did.

I kept working out 4-5 times a week and I was still counting my calories. My priority was feeding Logan. I was disappointed I had to take a break from trying to lose weight but I reminded myself what my priority was at that moment. I came to terms with the fact that my weight loss goals would probably have to wait until I was done breastfeeding.

I started to write this post several months ago. Then we started getting sick. All.The.Time. Seriously–too many colds to count, bronchitis TWICE, sinus infection TWICE, freakin’ pink eye…! It felt like we’d never be well again. Everyone in our house was sick. I’d get back on track with the gym and get in one or two workouts and then I’d get sick AGAIN and take a week off from the gym.

For the last month I’ve been feeling pretty depressed. A big part of that is the constant illnesses. You just don’t feel good about yourself or life when you are sick. And exercise has always been a positive way that I relieve stress and improve my mood. Not being able to do that consistently has effected my moods more than anything, I think.

Waiting to lose weight has been a hard thing to reconcile in my mind, though. Especially since my “identity” has kind of been “the girl who lost 110 pounds” for so long.

Well, recently I’ve come to the realization that I think breastfeeding is coming to an end soon. My supply has dwindled to less than half of what it was. Logan is less interested in breastfeeding and I reached my goal of breastfeeding for 9 months. So starting in January I think I’m going to start slowly weaning and then focusing on my health and losing weight.

I won’t lie — I’m having a hard time with all of this. I’m struggling with the idea of quitting breastfeeding, even if it’s time. I’m feeling very emotional about all of that.

I’m also struggling with going back to being restrictive with my diet in order to lose weight. I thought those days were long over–and that I could easily lose weight doing what I’ve done for 10 years. But the reality is, I’m going to have to buckle down and cut my calories, say no to that second glass of wine, cut out sweets and stop eating old trigger foods (like pizza) in order to lose.

I’ve preached “eating in moderation” and not starving yourself for years and I plan on following my own advice. But I also need to stop making excuses for eating one more cookie or snacking on crap and not logging it. I need to be accountable to myself and honest. 

The day after Christmas, depressed about the photos of myself from the holiday (I mean really, should that have been my focus?? Or should I have been focusing on my baby’s first Christmas?) I stepped on the scale expecting the worst. It wasn’t too bad. I’d gained 3 pounds since the end of October. Basically–all the weight I managed to lose over the summer was back. I still have 20 pounds to lose.

So soon. Soon my body will be mine again and I can get serious about this 20 pounds.

Busy Busy

Busy weekend! Friday I went back to work. Then Saturday I went to the gym and ran 1.75 miles on the treadmill. It was 100+ degrees in Portland this weekend (TOO HOT) so it was nice to be in a cool gym.

Getting back into running is going slowly. Some days I feel great when I run, some days it feels like my body is just not ready yet. This particular run felt great and I amped it up a bit. Instead of jogging/running for 90 seconds, then walking for a 60 seconds, rinse repeat…I was running for three minute intervals and walking for one minute. It felt great and I was happy that I was able to go that long after such a long break.

Then I did about 15 minutes on the stairmaster and finished up with some weight lifting.

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It was a good workout. The bad news is that sometime in the last 5 days I did something to screw up my back. I’m not sure what it is but Saturday it felt really, really aggravated. I don’t know if I strained it picking up the baby so many times, or if doing the ab machines at the gym did it, or if it’s a flare up of my bulging disc issue I had last March…but it sucks. UGH! Really poor timing for a back injury. 🙁

Anyways, Saturday afternoon we drove out to Hillsboro (about an hour drive from our house) to go to a birthday party. It was a friend’s daughter’s FIRST birthday! So cute and so much fun. Logan got all dressed up for it:

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He was a real party animal! He slept in a little baby rocker swing thing the whole time. 😉

Sunday a friend stopped by for breakfast and to meet Logan. It was nice to spend some time catching up and the little guy put on quite the show for her–all smiles and giggles!

Then I went swimming, crossing my fingers it felt good on my back. And in a way it did feel good, but as soon as I was done swimming and out of the pool it was NOT good. Hot tub felt nice, steam room and sauna felt great. The nap I took that afternoon felt great…but still, back was cranky.

Sunday night we had some friends over for dinner. It was another 100+ degree day in Portland and they do not have AC in their house so we thought it would be nice to have them over for some relief. It had also been a little while since we saw them so it was good to catch up and be social after two months of sleep-deprived anti-social behavior. 😉

Logan was absolutely fascinated and riveted by the 8 year old and 3 year old boys!

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Since it was so hot I drank lighter beers and ciders:

Dinner was grilled up flanked steak, salad and corn. Ice cream for dessert.

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Logan did great and took a little nap while we ate, which was nice.

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And he slept from 10pm to nearly 6am!!! I think the trick is being social and putting him to bed late. Whatever the cause was, it was a nice treat since Monday was my first day working from home. Getting some extra (and real) sleep was nice. 🙂