What Is Your Boulder?

“The roles that dominant our lives are the ones we’re unaware of. The needs that drive us most relentlessly are the ones we’re least conscious of. To be happy and free, we must see the roles we play for what they are, and bring our hidden needs into the light of day. The first stumbling block in our search will be the assumption that we already know ourselves, that we understand our motives, that we know why we feel the way we do about our circumstances and the people around us. In order to make progress, we will need to be more opened-minded. To find the truth about myself, I must stop insisting that I already know it. I’ll never remove the boulder from my path if I fail to see it for what it is.

“You know what that boulder is? That boulder is your image of yourself, who you think you are. The person you think you are is keeping the person you really are locked up without food or light or friends. The person you think you are has been trying to murder the person you really are for as long as you both have lived.”

What Is Your Boulder?

255 Pounds

The image I had of myself for most of my life was The Fat Girl. I was always chubby. I wasn’t obese until my mid-twenties when I literally exploded. But I always struggled with my weight. I wasn’t a “dieter.” I never really tried to lose the weight. Instead, I just surrendered to the fact that I Was The Fat Girl. And always would be that girl.

They say that we should visualize ourselves thinner, healthier, etc. Visualize what you want to look like and use that as motivation for weight loss. I’ve read it over and over again. The problem with that was that I had never been skinnier. I had never been that healthy, athletic person so I had NO idea what that looked like. I assumed it wasn’t achievable.

I would always be fat. I would never lose the weight.

I told myself that over and over again. I made excuses for my weight. It was my metabolism. It was genetic. “I’m just not meant to be skinny.” I had lots of excuses but in reality it was just the Fat Me telling the Real Me that I couldn’t succeed.

175 Pounds

So I never tried. I let that boulder stop me. I gave up. I ate more. I moved less. I gained. I’m glad that something eventually told me that I should at least try. Make an effort. See if it IS in fact possible. And it was possible! My body started to lose weight pretty quickly. All I needed to do was make changes.

145 Pounds

It’s funny how my mind changed with my weight loss. It really did feel like I was becoming a different person, or I was discovering who I really was. Either way, it was a transformation in both mind and body. I’m glad I didn’t let my one self tell the real self not to try. Sadly it took me far too long to wake up and make some changes but better late than never.

My Magazine Debut

There are things I still talk myself out of. I talk myself out of a lot of changes in my life. Sadly situations often have to get pretty bad for me before I decide it’s finally time to make changes. Seeing this quote reminded me that I need to reevaluate my life on a regular basis–examine what boulders are currently in my path. It’s often too easy to become stagnant.

QUESTION: What is your boulder?

Author: Lisa Eirene

About Lisa Eirene Lisa lost 110 pounds through calorie counting and exercise. She swims, bikes, runs, hikes and is enjoying life in Portland, Oregon. Her weight loss story has been featured in First Magazine, Yahoo Health, Woman's Day and Glamour.com.

6 thoughts on “What Is Your Boulder?”

  1. I can totally relate to this post. I was overweight for my whole life, and was constantly told to visualize myself at goal as motivation, but I’d never even been CLOSE to goal, so it was nearly impossible! I think that is part of the reason I still struggle a lot with my body image – I’m the smallest I’ve been in my entire life!

  2. What a GREAT post Lisa. It has forced me to realize I am in a borderline stagnant place in my life and it is time for change. This scares me. I have known I “need” something- but I have been too afraid to examine it beyond the surface. I think my boulder is self confidence or lack of…. I want to go back to school to get my masters- but I don’t know if I am smart enough, I want to become a life coach but I don’t know if I will be able to get clients… things like this are constantly going through my head. So the question is…. how do I move the boulder???
    Jill recently posted..Fit Stanley is Settling In…

    1. I had a lot of examining in my mid-twenties. And then I made some huge changes in my life. They were all for the better. I think change is scary and the unknown is overwhelming. But taking a chance for a better life is worth it. The last big change I did was losing my weight.

      How to remove the boulder? I think the answer is doing something daring. Taking that chance. Make a BIG change. It just takes guts to do it!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge