Going the Distance

The other day I went to visit my friend Star, who used to be my neighbor before I moved in with Michael (about 4 years ago). On the way home I stopped by the nearby library to return some books and I had a very distinct memory about when I used to live in that neighborhood and I went to the library all the time. My apartment was about a mile away from the library and when I was 250 pounds I always drove. I could have walked but never did. It seemed so far away.

I remember when I started losing weight and getting more active, I decided I was going to ride my bike to the library. It was my old childhood mountain bike (that was all I had) and I remember the feeling of nervousness and anxiety I had about biking all the way to the library to return my books. It was only a mile but it still seemed far away. Once I got on the bike and did it, it wasn’t that far and I realized how perspective changes.

Once I got more active, distance didn’t seem so overwhelming. Running my first 5k seemed really hard and I wasn’t sure I could make it. Then I did. And then I ran an 8k. Once I got into cycling with Michael and started doing longer distances, I biked the Reach the Beach ride (55 miles) and then there was a dramatic shift. Instead of being intimidated and overwhelmed by big numbers, I flipped to the complete opposite and had a feeling of being INVINCIBLE! I could do anything!!!


So I signed up to run Hood to Coast (just a little 197 mile race) and to bike the Portland Century (100 miles). It was crazy! I thought I could totally do humongous distances like that. And in a way I could. I trained really hard all summer long and once the Century came to be, I successfully biked 72 miles (wasn’t quite ready for the 100) and recovered beautifully. Isn’t it funny how that changes?


Doing those two long distance events changed my mindset. I started looking at other events with disdain–why would I go back and run a 5k when I did Hood to Coast? Why would I sign up to bike a 40 mile event when I already did 72 miles? It felt like a step backwards and I kept setting my sights on bigger and better things. Despite an injury that set me back (IT Band), I never felt discouraged or like I wouldn’t be back to doing long distance events. Well, long distance for me.

Last summer I was biking to work a lot and my weekly mileage was up to 60-80 miles depending on whether or not my stupid bike tires got a flat (I was cursed last year). Whenever coworkers found out my roundtrip bike ride to work was 25 miles their eyes always widened in shock and dismay. “WOW! That’s so far!” It didn’t feel far. It seemed small to me.

Now? Now that I’ve been dealing with my stupid knee issues since October, I am back to feeling like distances are really far away. The first few months of the bad knee flare-ups, I was wary about whether I could walk two blocks without being in pain and not being able to get back. Whenever I have good weeks with my injury, I try and bike or run. The other day at the gym I ran almost 3/4 of a mile and I was so happy! It was a short distance but it was SOMETHING. When I was able to do that 12 mile bike ride, I was ecstatic! It was better than nothing!

It’s crazy how perspective changes and evolves. I hope that someday soon I can get back to striving for bigger and better things and not feel as restricted as I do now.

H is for Happy Weight

H is for Happy Weight

Sometimes when I look at old pictures of me I struggle to make the connection that it was me. I don’t feel like that person anymore, I don’t see her when I look in the mirror (most of the time). I often wonder “How did I let myself get that big?” Of course there are also days when I look at those old photos and think “I wasn’t really THAT big!”

It’s all about perspective. And perspective can change with a flip of a switch. Hormonal changes. Emotional changes. Things that are going on in my life exteriorly can change my perspective sometimes hourly. It all depends.

Going Scale-Free this summer helped me realize that my life was less about the number on the scale and more about how I felt. I realized that what I was doing was working, that I could maintain my weight loss with my active, healthy lifestyle. That changed my brain in many, many ways.

The first change was that I cared less about the number. In the past my whole day was effected by that number. It could make me ecstatic, or it could send me tailspinning downward if I saw a +1, +2….Most often that increase in weight was hormonal or water retention. After realizing that I didn’t have to stress about it so much, I felt better. I felt like I had a better relationship with my scale and my body.

The second change was the perspective of health. Health was less about my weight and more about my fitness level, or how I felt physically, or if my jeans fit comfortably.

The final change was that I realized my Happy Weight was This. I didn’t have to restrict my calories in order to “lose those last 5 pounds” I’d been stressing about all year long. I could be happy with where I’m currently at.

What does Happy Weight mean to me? For me, it is the weight that my body wants to be with the current exercise regiment and calorie maintenance I do. No matter what I do my body likes being 144 pounds. I think this is my happy weight, this is what my body wants to weigh. Striving to weigh less would just mean mental anguish, severe caloric restrictions and the most important part: I probably wouldn’t be able to maintain that lower weight.

Realizing this has made me much happier about my body. I feel strong when I swim miles, I feel confident when I lift weights. I was able to bike 72 miles and walk the next day! I like what my body can do now.

QUESTION: How do you know what your happy weight is? Do you think happy weights can change?


A-Abstinence * B-Balance * C-Calories * D-Vitamin D * E-Emergency * F-Fast Food and Fine Dining * G-Gym Bag * H-Happy Weight *