flowers

Last Week

Last Week…I skipped running because I had been starting to feel a little tight and achy. I thought it was a good plan to take a week off and just rest those muscles preemptively. In the past I wasn’t always great at listening to my body and just pushing through and then ending up injured. I guess I am getting better at that with age.

Last WeekI tried yoga again. It’s been a year or more since I went to yoga class. I quit somewhere around 29 weeks pregnant because I was having to modify like every pose and it was just dumb at that point to keep going. Then postpartum I had too much back pain to do yoga. πŸ™ It was disappointing but I did PT and tried to strengthen my core in the gym and I’ve finally felt like I was ready to go back. Well, Sunday I ran on the treadmill (after a week off) and then went to class only to find out the Sunday classes have apparently been cancelled. I’d been looking forward to it for several days and was really disappointed! But the good news is that I did my own yoga stretches instead and my body felt great! I am going to try and find another class!

Last WeekendI did some food prep for lunches. I cooked three chicken breasts in the crockpot with green enchilada sauce and then shredded the chicken. If you follow my on Instagram you saw it! I also cooked some cauliflower rice to go with the chicken.

Last WeekI had a few days off from work so I was able to kind of change up my workouts. Instead of quickie lunchtime workouts, I was able to add in an extra day of weight lifting, which made me feel really good. And I went swimming on Friday night–my old routine! I’ve kind of missed my Friday night swims. They were super relaxing after a long week and put me in a good mood.

Last Friday…Michael surprised me by coming home from work with ice cream and flowers! The flowers were so beautiful. It was really nice and thoughtful of him and I loved them. In the past, I could never have fresh flowers in the house because Yggdrasil would eat them. Seriously, he’d find them no matter where I hid them, or how high up they were, he’d find them and eat them (and then puke, of course). So it was a little bitter sweet having flowers on the dining room table all weekend. I enjoyed seeing them, and I know it won’t always be a reminder of my kitty, but this time it was.

Last Friday…Logan and I packed up his bottles together and put them in the garage. It was a long time coming (we procrastinated because bottles were easier) but it was a bit sad at the same time. He’s growing up. He’s a little guy now, not a baby. But I do love having our counter space back in the kitchen!

This WeekI am recommitted to trying to be low carb, at least during the work week. I am really trying, even though I don’t like this diet and find it a struggle.

That Was a Hard Day

Well, my maternity leave is over.

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Last Friday was my first day back in the office. All week I was dreading it. I was anxious, I was sad, I had nightmares several nights about pumping at work. I bawled my eyes out for a few days leading up to. I snuggled Logan until he was like “mom, give it a rest!” I just couldn’t believe our time was up. πŸ™

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Friday came. My alarm on my phone didn’t go off for some reason but thankfully I had a built in alarm clock for 6am — Logan! But it was not a good start to the day. Nothing seemed to be going right but I finally got out of the door and made it to work on time. Carrying a crap ton of stuff.

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A coworker left me a card and a little gift that was really sweet. Everyone was really supportive and understanding. I was able to hold it together (for the most part) and honestly I was so busy it was a good distraction and the only time I started to feel sad was when I was pumping and had quiet time to myself. Michael sent me a photo:

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I thought heΒ looked sad. Then he sent me another photo:

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All better! Back to his sweet self.

So in a lot of ways it was easy to be back in the office. I was busy enough, but not overwhelmed, and could be distracted. It was nice to be working again and using my brain for something other than baby talk and changing diapers πŸ™‚ — as much as I love doing that with Logan. Just knowing myself, I know that being home full time wouldn’t be best for me. As much as I want it to be.

When I first talked to my boss about maternity leave and options she brought up the idea of working from home part time and working in the office part time. She told me a story about someone she worked with years ago at a different office who came back from maternity leave and cried in her office all day for a week and then finally just packed her shit up and left, no notice, just quit. She couldn’t handle it. I remember hearing this story (when I was 8.5 months pregnant) feeling awful for that woman and then thinking that while I’d be sad, I didn’t think that would be me…

Fast forward to last week. Crying for a week! Instead of relishing every single second with Logan during our last week home I kept focusing on the sadness. And I got it. I understood what my boss was telling me.

My boss has been amazing in her support for family bonding, for breastfeeding, everything. These are issues that she feels strongly about and I am so grateful for that.

So the downside to work? Pumping at work kind of sucks. I was in a room that unfortunately didn’t lock and twice people attempted to come in. Then my boss saved the day and told me to use her office when I needed to pump. It really is a stressful, anxiety-inducing thing to be pumping at work (at least for me). I felt really vulnerable and not having a truly private room stressed me out! But, using my boss’s office I was able to pump the rest of the day with no issues.

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I was able to drink a lot of water throughout the day. I pumped three times while at work. I didn’t eat enough and was really hungry but too busy to eat. That’s not good, I need to work on that!

Despite the rocky start to the day, it was actually okay and I did alright. I remember my job!! It was like a muscle memory thing. Once I started doing it again it all came back to me and I was able to do it without thinking about it. So that’s good. I got everything ready for working from home and (crossing my fingers that technology works at home) am ready to get started!

Friday afternoon I got a little surprise delivery:

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Flowers delivered to my office from Michael! It was so incredibly sweet and thoughtful and it really made my day (and made me tear up a little bit at the thoughtfulness). It was so wonderful!

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I was supposed to be off work at 4:30 but stayed late to get my laptop up and running (it took all day unfortunately). I raced home, anxious and excited to see my little guy! And kiss my other guy. πŸ™‚

I asked Logan if he forgot about me and if he missed me and he giggled. We nursed and I smothered him in kisses and then Michael made the evening even better than it already could be and got take out sushi!!

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Love me some spicy tuna! I’ve been craving sushi lately, too. Opened a bottle of wine and I cuddled with my little guy. So all in all, it was a pretty good day, despite the bumps in the road and the heartache of leaving Logan all day for the first time.

I feel prepared to go back to the office. I think it will be okay. I’m almost looking forward to it in a weird way. Having a schedule, structure and routine is basically my entire life. πŸ™‚ So going forward I will be in the office two days a week and home three days a week for the summer. Michael will be working from home those two days, so that’s awesome. I feel so incredibly lucky and fortunate that we have this opportunity for our family!