The Food Guilt

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Let me start at the beginning. After my scary bike ride on Tuesday, I arrived at Dig A Pony–a new bar in SE Portland. I was meeting Michael and a few of his coworkers for drinks there.Β  The restaurant itself was cool, I liked the decorations a lot. It had a cool vibe but that’s where the things I liked about it ended.

I ordered the Boneyard IPA and I enjoyed the beer a lot.

Okay, here is where I start to complain about the place. First, there’s no table service. You have to go up to the bar to order everything and there’s not even menus at any of the tables. Rather annoying, if you ask me, especially if you’re with friends and having good conversation. Are you supposed to just walk away to order? Rather weird.

My second complaint was the fruit flies. They were everywhere and very annoying. I think it’s because of the big bowls of sangria sitting on the bar. It’s rather unappetizing to have so many bugs flying around in a restaurant. Eeew.

Lastly, I ordered the cornbread off the happy hour menu (which was sparse and not very interesting) and it wasn’t good. The cornbread was too dry and flavorless and not warm (like it said on the menu). The chili honey butter it came with wasn’t good either. I was really disappointed. It didn’t inspire me to want to try anything else on their menu. None of us were really enjoying the place so we left for somewhere else.

One of our friends recommended we try Cheese Bar on SE Belmont so we all headed over there. I’d never heard of it before. What a find! It was cute and trendy. Their cheese selection was almost as extensive as their beer menu:

Our friends shared their meat and cheese plate with us. There were pickled vegetables, fancy bologne, salami and Sopressata with crunchy french bread and various cheeses. There was a goat cheese with peppercorns, something else I don’t remember and my favorite of the night: the cumin cheese. It was good!

I got a pint of their Oaktoberfest beer. It was just okay, not my favorite but it grew on me as I ate the meat and cheese.

Michael and I ordered dinner and split our entrees. I ordered the Salami Milano Sandwich. It came with roasted onion, Mama Lil’s Peps, Mountina cheese & zesty slaw on a baguette. I ate half of the sandwich and Michael ate half.

The sandwich wasn’t huge, so that was good, but it was tasty. I loved the spicy flavors.

Michael got the Mac n’ Cheese with cheddar, havarti & parmigiano with a small side salad.

The mac n’ cheese was good. I’ve never had fried mac n’ cheese before. The flavors were mild. I’m glad Michael and I split our entrees. Although, that did not keep me from going way over my calories for the day–even with working out. πŸ™

As we were driving home I was entering in my calories for the evening–estimating the best I could–and saw the number going up and up. I felt a lump settle in my stomach as I realized how many calories I consumed and I felt frustrated. I’d eaten too much. I felt guilty about the food I ate, I felt dread.

As we drove home Michael stopped by Krispy Kreme. He wanted a donut. I did not want one. I’d gone so far off the track with my calories and was too busy beating myself up to consider eating dessert. He kept telling me to have one, that I shouldn’t feel guilty about my food. He said that I was wrong about my calories, that I hadn’t eaten that much and that I should get dessert.

I skipped the donut and we went home, feeling bad about myself. I haven’t felt The Food Guilt in a long time. It’s a sour taste in my mouth and I hate beating myself up over something like food. I’ve come so far in the last year in terms of getting rid of the food guilt–ESPECIALLY going scale-free for the summer–and I feel like this is a setback. So there it is.

QUESTION: Do you have food guilt? What do you do?

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14 Responses

  1. I don’t feel guilty, I make other people feel guilty πŸ™‚

    I’d like you to think about your calories burned workout numbers. 961 calories is a big workout. I don’t care if you are getting this off a devise or machine, it’s a large number and those devices often vastly exaggerate. . Running a mile uses about 100 calories. Do you feel like you ran over nine and a half miles? If not and you are not getting the results you want, I’d sure look into the calories burned part of your equation.
    Dr. J recently posted..Lab Notes: Whooping Cough Vaccine Wanes After 3 Years; Depression Could Increase Stroke Risk

    1. The 961 was two bike rides and a 2 mile walk. Yes, that’s a high number and I’m not unhappy with my exercise levels or frequency. You make a good point that I sometimes forget: I should factor in the fitness and not just focus on the food. I do think the apps and websites also exaggerate but it’s as “close as I get” when I count my calories. I think being close is better than not trying to count them at all. It was just shocking to see that number.

  2. Lisa,
    Breathe in deeply and breathe out the fear, the angst and the guilt.

    What is done is done. Not having the donut (despite a loved one pushing you to have it) was a big step in the right direction.

    You do not need to continue the behavior today tomorrow and the next day. Allow the evidence to naturally clear from your body and let your mind retain what will help you the next time you find yourself having one of these days.

    I am not worried about you. You’ve got this.

    Jane Cartelli recently posted..Amputations and Wedding Dresses: Updates from Prior Posts

  3. Oh Lisa! I hear you girl! I think more than anything (learning to love exercise, losing 110 pounds) letting go of food guilt is the biggest challenge. One bump in your freedom from food guilt is not the end. It’s just trying claw at your psyche cause it knows you are finally getting rid of it for good. Laugh in its face and keep moving. Wake up this morning with a smile on your face and try your hardest not to feel it today!

    I second what Jane said above, “You got this!”

    Samantha recently posted..Do Thursday- Honeymoon Scrapbook

  4. I think occasion food guilt is an okay thing – helps me return back to healthy eating quicker I think. The trick is not to let it be a big deal. I think Beck Diet Solution would say that “normal” eaters sometimes feel food guilt and there eat lighter on their next meal and its no big deal – no mental gyrations.

    But reading your story I wondered if Michael felt guilty about the donut and was therefore pushing you to have one? I say congrats for resisting that push.

    1. Penney–that’s an interesting way to think about it. I like that. It’s kind of like a reminder that food needs to be mindful, that I need to not slip into old habits. Sometimes food guilt is a good reminder–I agree.

      As for Michael, he’s normally not really a food-pusher. Sometimes he does get that way when it comes to going out to dinner. If I don’t want to go out he’ll talk about it until I give in.

  5. You really shouldn’t feel guilty about what you ate! You exercise regularly, usually every day, it seems. You also watch your calories and food choices 90% of the time! Allow yourself an indulgent meal once in awhile. And while I’m talking a good game, inside I’m thinking, even if I did exercise every day and eat well 90% of the time, I’d feel guilty if I over-indulged too. I think it’s the way we’re wired and we have to work on changing it mentally. Even if we KNOW it’s OK, we still beat ourselves up.

    1. Beer and cheese were kinda worth it. πŸ˜‰

      It’s been awhile since I’ve had The Food Guilt. In fact I think it was back in July when Michael’s family was visiting and we were eating out a lot! It’s funny how it shows up when I least expect it.

      Thanks for making me feel better. πŸ™‚

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