Krispie Kreme

Soggy Shoes and Grumpy Moods

I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed Saturday. I woke up at 6 am–even though I didn’t have to get up until 8am. I was supposed to go trail running with a friend. I tried and tried to go back to sleep but I ended up laying there for two hours. My friend canceled because she wasn’t feeling well. I got up and decided to go for a run when I stepped outside to POURING RAIN.

I slammed the door shut and continued to rant and rave throughout the house. Poor Michael was in the kitchen hearing me throw a temper tantrum at the Universe that rivaled the tantrum of a two year old. There was swearing, there was shouting, there was massive frustration. I had no where to go. Mt. Scott–closed. Clackamas Pool–closed. Bike ride in the rain–no thanks. Bike ride on the trainer–NO! I’m going to be doing that all winter long, I don’t want to start now. Not having a gym to go to in the pouring rain makes staying fit in Oregon a challenge.

I decided to do a workout in the living room using the Nike Training App. I hadn’t used it in months and I had all the stuff I needed to get a half-assed workout in. I got out the free weights and the medicine ball and got to work.

I started with the Arm Definer. It got my heart rate up and I was sweating but I was still unhappy with how my weekend was shaping up and I griped and complained the whole time.

I switched to the Cardio Burst workout and that made me feel a bit better. I was starting to feel like I was getting a real workout in and my mood improved. I finished up with the Ab workout because god knows I’ve been neglecting my abs all summer long.

By this time my good mood was waning again. I was kind of done with the workout (mentally) and I was struggling to push myself any further. Some people can workout at home. I’m really not one of those people. I need a place.

Workout Stats:
Time: 48 minutes
Calories Burned: 388

I saw that the rain had died down outside so I changed into my  old running shoes, grabbed a hat and jacket and headed outside. I ran down the street in the cold, damp morning toward the track.

The rain came back steadily but I was committed to running by that time. There was a kid’s football game about to start but I didn’t plan on running for very long. There were two other people running the track.

Having a hat helps when running in the rain. It’s not QUITE as miserable. I know I shouldn’t complain–it’s just rain after all. But I cannot tell you how much I despise the rain. As I ran the track I grumpily whined inwardly about how “this is what the next 8 months look like”. I seriously dislike the long, gray, gloomy, rainy winters in the Northwest.

By my last lap it started to hail. I said out loud to myself “SERIOUSLY?!” and then headed home. I’d had enough. I workout because I like it. I shouldn’t be miserable when I workout–it makes me less likely to continue doing it!

Every step was miserable because my shoes and socks were soaked. I was so glad I’d grabbed my old pair instead of my nice, new, clean running shoes! I got home and stretched. I killed my legs on the Foam Roller and then showered–grumpily.

Run Stats:
Time: 36 minutes
Calories Burned: 358
Distance: 2.73 miles

Total Calories Burned: 746

Running usually makes me feel better no matter how bad of a mood I’m in. This time? It was a miserable run. I got out of my soaked clothes–thankfully it was laundry day. I ran a bunch of errands and did cleaning the rest of the day, then I headed to Cost Plus World Market. I was told they had cute business card holders. It’s funny–every single time I go to World Market for one thing I leave with at least 5 things I don’t really need.

I got a package of fajita sauce and a Universal Edge Guard for when we go camping. I didn’t even know I needed that. 🙂 But when we went camping a few weeks ago we just wrapped our sharp knives in a towel to take with us.

I also got some new placemats. Yes I am weird, only buying one of each. They did NOT have business card holders but I left with 7 items and $18 spent. This was the final last minute purchase:

DIGESTIVES!! I remember going to London with my cousin Anna when I was 18 and our hotel room had Digestives. We were soooo confused! Were they crackers? Were they laxatives??? We were too nervous to eat them for a few days and then finally gave it a try and they were good. I haven’t had them since then–almost 14 years ago. I cannot wait to try one of these. Despite my crappy day, the highlight was definitely Cost Plus Market and finding THIS on sale:

Finally! I’ve been checking for months, waiting for this very expensive product to go on sale and it finally did. I cannot wait to make my favorite soup with this. That’s definitely;y something to look forward to. Michael got home late from golfing and we made turkey burgers. It was so nice to have an old favorite return. We haven’t had any ground turkey from Costco for most of this summer so no turkey burgers.

As a side we had some tomatoes from the garden. The turkey burgers were on sandwich thins. It really hit the spot.

After we ate dinner and watched an episode of Breaking Bad, Michael started to entice me with the idea of getting donuts. After the day I’d had, he didn’t have to twist my arm very hardly. We trekked to Krispie Kreme.

I had one and it was amazing! I crashed into bed and after the day I’d had, I was asleep immediately.

QUESTION: How do you reverse a grumpy mood? When was the last time you had a really bad day?

The Comfort of Food

Friday was a bad day. I woke up with a headache and knew it would just get worse as the day proceeded. I had two funerals to go to on Friday. The first was at 11am for Flo, the coworker that died of cancer last week. The second was in the afternoon for another coworker’s daughter, Kayla, who passed away after being hit by a car.

All week I noticed that there was a lot of comfort food in the office. Thoughtful people brought in bagels, lots and lots of donuts and other treats. It seems that in times of sorrow and grief food is always the answer. I remember when my grandfather passed away–there were tons of casseroles and potluck food at my grandma’s house. I suppose in times of grief people don’t want to cook. They don’t want to make the decision of “what should we eat?” and then proceed to make it. They probably don’t want to go grocery shopping. In these times of grief, pre-made food can be a comfort. And you know that the kind people dropping off the dishes are only bringing the best of their best recipes.

Flo’s funeral was grand and beautiful. I wasn’t going to view the body but when I got there and saw the shiny silver and black coffin I decided to look. I’m really glad I did because her daughters transformed her back into the “Old Flo”–not the Flo I saw two months ago that was 100 pounds lighter because of cancer. Nope, she looked beautiful. Her purple eyeshadow looked exactly the way she would have done it. The wig on her head looked exactly the way her real hair used to look–short and black sculpted hair with a purple streak through it. Her nails were done perfectly–long and decorated. I sat by a dear friend during the emotional service. I am grateful that he was there to hug me, that we could comfort each other. I’d forgotten that Flo was his cousin.

Beautiful Flo

I’ve never been to a Baptist service before and it was quite the thing to see. The emotional outbursts, the audience participation, the cries to the heavens was a sight. And the fashion. Holy moly–Flo would have been proud to see her lovely “Brown Sugar” ladies looking so gorgeous. The shoes alone would have made Flo envious. The service was nice and an emotional tribute to a Queen. The family section of the church was staggeringly huge and it made me happy that so many people loved Flo and came to honor her. It was literally standing room only in the church. After about an hour and forty-five minutes I had sneak out early to get to the next service.

Because Flo’s service was so long, I had no time to stop home for lunch and hurriedly drove an hour to the next service. Kayla had just turned 12 when the accident happened and I knew her service would be the hardest one. The slideshows of her life were heartbreaking. Seeing my coworker with his daughter in home videos brought me to tears. After the service everyone went out to the football field to let go of hundreds of purple and blue balloons.

They tried to make it a celebration of Kayla’s life but in the end, it was saying goodbye to a kid who shouldn’t have died and it was heartbreaking.

Saying Goodbye

In the past when grief struck me I turned to food. Always. I’ve mentioned before that I wasn’t a fat kid, or a fat teen really. I was a little chubby but not fat.

Dad and Me

It wasn’t until I was 17 and my grandpa died that I turned to food to heal me. The year after he died was a fog of grief and candy. I’d buy the bags of Halloween candy and eat the whole bag. I was buying candy and chocolate and chocolate bars every day and eat them until the feelings went away. Then it became a habit. I was in the habit of eating food to feel better, the habit of eating candy every day. The habit was hard to break.


I calmed down for a few years, not having GOOD eating habits but I wasn’t gaining a lot of weight. Then a relationship ended and once again I turned to food to make me feel better. Thus continued my journey to 250+ pounds. Now? In times of grief where do I turn?


Exercise has been my go-to grief/stress/sadness healer for years now. Relationship ended? Work it out on the elliptical. Angry? Go for a run. Sad? Go swimming and leave it all in the pool. While some may think I’ve just substituted one addiction (food) for another (exercise) I don’t see it that way. I see it as a cleanser. I see it as working out the feelings in a positive way, instead of in a destructive way.

Friday was my normal swim day anyway. And I needed it more than ever. After Kayla’s service ended and I left my coworker to grieve with his family after we shared some hugs and tears, I headed straight to the pool. I.could.not.wait. The good thing about swimming when upset: if I cry no one can see me under the water. I got to the pool and swam one of the best swims of my life.

The second I hit the water I was going fast. I completed 3/4 of a mile (about 50 laps) in 22 minutes without stopping. I just kept going. The plan was to swim 1.5 miles but I ended up cutting it about 6 laps short of my goal because I had a time issue. For most of my swim my heart rate was in the high 150’s–unusual for my swimming–it’s usually in the 120’s.

Swim Stats:

Time: 55 minutes
Calories Burned: 415 
Distance:  1 3/8 of a mile

Michael and I had some plans for Friday night (which I’ll share soon) and it was a good distraction from the gut-wrenching day I’d had. Did I turned to food at all? Maybe a little bit. My friend from Flo’s funeral texted me saying “I’m definitely drinking tonight” and I responded with a big “ditto”. That was the plan. Just have a few glasses of wine and try to numb. That didn’t happen though. I really didn’t feel like drinking. On the way home from our evening, Michael wanted to stop at Krispie Kreme.

I was so tempted to just eat a bunch of donuts. What I was craving was ice cream. I gave in and got their kid’s size soft serve cone (I am shocked at the size of the “kid” size!) and happily licked my ice cream cone on the way home.

The ice cream cone did make me feel better. And that was the extent of my “turning to food” in times of grief. I think this was a testament to how far I’ve come from the Old Me and my Old Ways. Have your ways changed? Do you turn to food or exercise or something else entirely?

QUESTION: How do you deal with grief/anger/sadness/stress? Do you turn to food or something else?