Is Your Partner Losing Weight? They May Be Planning To Dump You

Is Your Partner Losing Weight?

They May Be Planning To Dump You

Another one of those articles came through my RSS feed that made me laugh out loud. Oh my god! The travesty! My partner trying to better their life, live healthier, could be a sign of the coming-doom?

But before you laugh like I did, take a moment to really ask yourself: would you wonder this if your partner/wife/husband/SO suddenly started focusing on losing weight and looking better? Would the thought cross your mind?

While the article is flashy and what I like to call “chick fluff” (most from that website are just “fluff) there is some truth to it. I’m not talking about those Cosmo articles that give the “Five Signs He’s Cheating On You” –#1 being that he’s paying more attention to his appearance and working out. I’m talking about those partners that try to sabotage your efforts because they DO think you’re planning to leave them.

When I started to lose my weight I was in between relationships. I didn’t have to worry about how my decision to get healthy would effect my relationship or partner.  The healthier I got the more important HEALTH became to me when I picked my partners. My standards changed drastically. For the better.

I’ve talked before about a guy I dated who did everything he could to sabotage my progress. While I was in the moment I thought he was just a big effing jerk but after some time and distance from the situation after I broke up with him I realized something. Sure, he was a jerk and was mean-spirited but the reason he was sabotaging me was out of insecurity. He probably thought the closer I got to my goal weight, the more weight I lost, the less I’d want to be with him. In fact, he was overweight as well and had struggled with his weight most of his life. So perhaps my weight loss effected his psyche and made him feel insecure about his own body.

I think this is a very valid feeling.

I have a confession to make: When Michael decided to try the Slow Carb Diet earlier this year I had a twinge. It was a fleeting thought but it still crossed my mind. Was he trying to lose weight because he wanted out of the relationship? The Insecure Fat Girl in me reared her ugly head and planted that thought in my brain. She doesn’t come out often anymore. It’s few and far between when that Old Me Insecurity comes back but it did. And then Michael lost 25 pounds and looked great. Did I still wonder if he was going to leave me because he’d lost weight?


Our relationship was stronger than it had ever been. We celebrated our third anniversary together. We were training hard and competed in the Portland Century together. We encouraged each other to be healthy. That is the way it SHOULD be. We talk about our future together, we make plans together. As we should.

Every relationship has ups and downs, and anyone that says they don’t is lying. Or completely unaware of their relationship and partner. But my partner losing some weight to feel better about himself is NOT a threat. It’s not a threat to MY weight, it’s not a threat to our relationship. I realized that and fully supported Michael in his efforts to lose 25 pounds (even if I wasn’t doing the same diet).

Now I have two questions:

1) Have you ever felt insecure about your PARTNER wanting to lose weight? What did you feel? How did you act? Did you do things to sabotage them?

2) If you’ve had an insecure partner who didn’t support your weight loss, or questioned it, how did you react? Did you try to reassure them you weren’t leaving them if you lost the weight?

8 Responses

  1. I read that article and at first it made me angry. But I do admit if it were my boyfriend losing weight, I’d feel threatened too. However, I’d also jump on the bandwagon and do it along with him. I told my boyfriend two years ago, when I was 38, that I did NOT want to turn 40 looking like crap. I want to be fit and thinner. I want him to stay attracted to me as we get older. So he had warning, and he’s had two years to get used to the idea.

    My boyfriend needs to lose about 50 lbs and is not doing anything to accomplish that. He does feel threatened and makes jokes about me cheating when my phone goes off. I’ve asked him to go out and walk with me, I’ve tried to get him to work out with me at home. I’ve told him many times I want to do it TOGETHER, not by myself. I love having that time alone with him. But he won’t budge and there is nothing I can do about it. He’ll have to trust my word. I will not change my lifestyle to put his fears at rest. It’s incredibly hard doing this when your partner is not on board at all, and worse, doesn’t encourage or support your efforts. Part of the reason I’m doing it is for HIM as well! I don’t think it’s fair to completely let yourself go just because you’re comfortable in your relationship. It’s like saying, you don’t deserve any better than this, I don’t even have to try anymore.

    Sorry for ranting – boy this struck a nerve in me all over again!

    1. Oh Candace! Sorry for striking a nerve.

      I’m sorry the big struggle in your relationship is whether or not he’ll lose weight. That is such a struggle. When we’re trying to lose weight and be healthy it’s easy to slip into old ways when our partners doesn’t want to do it too. When I first moved in with Michael I started eating pretty poorly because I was picking up his habits. I quickly realized that even if HE could eat massive portions and not gain weight, *I* could not.

      I think it’s really great that you are trying to get him to go for walks. I say keep doing it. And keep doing your thing to lose weight. Show him by example. Maybe he’ll start doing it on his own when he sees you successful!

  2. My husband has always supported me, no matter what my weight. And he stuck with me through years of going up and down and being at 250! When I lost the weight this last time, I just did it and no matter what John brought into the house for himself, that was not meant to sabotage me, but I certainly wasn’t about to tell him he couldn’t have the food he wanted. I did ask him to hide certain foods (M&Ms) so that I wouldn’t eat them – which he did, and still does.

    He actually was inspired by me to go on and lose weight and I was really happy for him, although slightly annoyed at how fast it came off.
    Lori recently posted..Lifting and Lemon Curd

    1. That’s great that he supported you. And I’m with you–there are certain foods I need to NOT be in the house but I won’t tell Michael not to eat them. I just don’t want to know they are there. Recently he got a bag of M&Ms at Costco. Normally I would be upset and not want those in the house because it’s hard for me to resist. But this time I’m trying to just be good about measuring out 1/4 of a cup (serving size) of them only.

      And yes…it’s annoying how easy it is for them. Michael dropped 25 pounds in no time. If I remember correctly, that first week he was on the Slow Carb diet he lost over 10 pounds and I gained 1 pound. 😛

  3. Hi Lisa. I love the pics of you and Michael. I’m really lucky, my husband is supporting me and encouraging me as I take this journy to health. Not that he’ll work out with me, but he is supportive and proud of my efforts. Have a wonderful Wednesday.
    Roz@weightingfor50 recently posted..Points Plus 2012

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